Observe Archives - Page 58 of 68

Get Out Of The Way!

Posted on November 29, 2020

The only thing stopping you from achieving what you want right now is you. That is it. You need to address the obstacle in your mind and get out of the way!

It’s easy to think that someone or something else is responsible for our lack of expected progress. We had ideas and dreams. There was a general path that people had followed before us.

Like most Hollywood movies, things are supposed to get back to, and certainly end, better than they started. Sure there would be little bumps in the road but they are handled reasonably well by our able script writers, the actors and the director.

Real life is a wee bit different. Especially the bit about timing. We have no idea where we are in the equivalent of a two hour movie. Are we near the end or the middle?

Regardless, you have some challenges in your mind that need a little bit of your attention. If you are procrastinating, understand why. If you’re struggling to move forward, look into your thoughts. Be honest with yourself. Write these thoughts somewhere safe. Dwell on them until you have some good, hard answers as to why you are not travelling in the direction, or style, you thought you would be.

Then you you need to make some adjustment and move from being uncomfortable to unstoppable.

Build good habits and get out of the way!

Observe Think About It Time

Now More Than Ever

Posted on November 28, 2020

There are a number of overused phrases and cases of hyperbole in the world at the moment. Perhaps it is occurring now more than ever. ?

This phrase came up while I was reading an article the other day. It noted that, now, more than any other time in history, all people needed to be ‘civically engaged and fight for what’s right’.

I find this to be a throw-away phrase. I doubt the person has thought about what that means. It then makes me wonder whether their other comments will be similar. That ‘add familiar phrase here’ type of writing can be quicker or easier to write. But it may not have as much thoughtful depth as it could have.

I try to consider various reader perspectives when I write – it’s my six chairs test, (in my 24 April 2020 post). Sometimes that means it takes longer to complete the article. However, hopefully it leads to a more accurate delivery of the key thoughts I am having.

I am pretty sure the author meant that she felt it was quite important for people to engage now. I would be surprised if she thought that people had to fight more now for what is right, during this time of relative peace, prosperity, greater equality and improved understanding. Or did she mean we needed to fight more so now than during WW I or II, the US Civil War, the Cold War, or the civil rights movement?

Now more than ever?

Gratitude Observe

How Helping Can Hinder

Posted on November 24, 2020

I used to think helping people was a good thing. But as I have said before, generalising is not good. I realised how helping can hinder once you get into the details.

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
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Help in the short term may involve giving some money, food, clothing or shelter. But this is not a good longer term set up. It is a good intention, but we know where those can lead. The person can become dependent on you. You certainly don’t need another dependent. And it is not good for their self image, confidence or pride to be dependent on someone or something else.

Immediate help per above is fine for an emergency. However, it is best for both of you to help the person to become independent again as swiftly as possible. In the longer term, people do better and are happier if they can provide for themselves.

In addition, you do not want to become the person that needs to pay for some or everything over a period of months or years. This is true even if you can afford it.

It may require a little tough love to get people back on their feet. That is ok, as most people can handle it. They may not like it so much in the moment, but in the longer term they will be more grateful.

This is especially true if they realise how helping can hinder.

Action Observe Reframe your thoughts

Superstitions

Posted on November 22, 2020

Last week it was Friday the 13th. In 2020, for that matter. Did you approach that day any differently than others? What are superstitions and why are they so super?

A definition from Wikipedia is, “a belief or practice resulting from ignorance, fear of the unknown, trust in magic or chance, or a false conception of causation”. In addition, it says, “an irrational abject attitude of mind toward the supernatural, nature, or God resulting from superstition.”

That doesn’t sound so super. It actually seems a little dismissive and belittling. This is interesting because so many people believe in certain superstitions, even if it is just a little bit. These ideas usually involve luck or prophecy. Generally they mean doing something for another thing to happen.

Actions you might do to try to impact a particular outcome are: cross your fingers, toes or legs, pray, or arrange your house according to Feng Shui. Some people will also carry a lucky charm, wish upon a star or not shave for days. Another popular idea is to have a lucky number, shirt or hat.

It can be easy to laugh at people with superstitions. Yet, we often overlook our own little desire to influence the universe, in our favour, when we seek higher force intervention.

Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or isn’t relevant. Without a little irrational thinking we might not have electricity, mobile phones or heart surgery.

Perhaps superstitions are super in some way.

Gratitude Observe Reframe your thoughts

Start With ‘That’s Wonderful!’

Posted on November 21, 2020

When a person does something well, try not to top them or criticise. Start with, ‘That’s Wonderful!’. Then maybe ask them how it felt and what was their favourite part.

It is not always easy to be gracious, especially after a loss. But to see good examples of how it is done, we can look to the sporting world. It is very common now to see interviews after a match. Usually someone from the losing side will be asked how it went.

They acknowledge how the they did and that they need to work on some things. They often cite the other side and note how well some individuals played or their whole team in general. It is very sportsmanlike to make these comments. Gracious in defeat.

The winning team also makes comments and they are usually restrained and fairly objective. They too usually reference the other side. Most of the time these comments are appropriate and supportive in their defeat. Many times they note how well the others played and some particularly good aspects of their game.

More people should take note of these post game interviews. Especially politicians. Politicians need to remember we are not enemies. And not really opponents. Both sides want the best. They want peace and prosperity. Health and education.

More of them should start with, ‘That’s wonderful!’, when they do well, rather than find something to criticise.

Gratitude Observe Reframe your thoughts Time

Here Is What You Are Going To Realise

Posted on November 20, 2020

Life is long but short. Time can fly and it can crawl. You will get older. At some point in your life, here is what you are going to realise.

There are few things you can control. And yet, you control everything about your life. If you don’t make the little sacrifices now, you will need to make larger ones later on. You will be passing the baton at some point in time. Unfortunately, you do not know when that moment will be or who it will be to.

I think we also realise that we could have done more with our time on this planet. Not just more for ourselves, but more for other people too. The crazy thing is that we wouldn’t have to do massive amounts more, just a little bit more from each of us.

You will leave a legacy, whether you believe it or not. Not everyone will have the same view but that is ok. Some will love things you have done and others will hardly have noticed. Still others will not like what you have done or how you did it. Take no notice of the critics. Positive feedback is one thing but generalised criticism is unworthy of your good intentions.

Here is what you are going to realise. No one wins. Just enjoy your ride.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

You’re Not Wrong

Posted on November 16, 2020

Or are you right? They may sound like the same thing but often enough they are not. If you guessed they were though, you’re not wrong.

I’ve always found this phrase a strange one. If I am not wrong, doesn’t that mean I am right? On the surface the answer might be yes. Though sometimes people have one or two other options which they believe to be correct or more right than your view. So those options would be more right than your position. This is a possibility.

Alternatively, you could simply be right. By that, I also mean the most right. However, the person responding to you might have a negative frame of mind and therefore responds to things with a more negative angle.

Sometimes though, the person just does not like to admit they are wrong. Or even worse, for some, is to acknowledge that you are right! One way to check what they mean is to ask them, ‘Does that mean I am right?’. Sometimes their reaction to that question is the best bit regardless of what their answer is. In my experience of asking the question, I have noticed it really gets people to stop and think.

Enjoy those times when ‘you’re not wrong’ means ‘you‘re right’!

Action Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts

Learning While Teaching

Posted on November 13, 2020

Learning something is good. Being able to convey that knowledge to someone else is brilliant. Learning while teaching a skill or subject is possibly the highest form of engaged interaction.

I’ve heard good teachers, speakers and sports personalities refer to how much they learn while sharing their knowledge or skill. It is an interesting aspect of life. By giving someone the benefit of our experience, knowledge or skill, not only will they gain, but we gain as well.

However, we may only gain if we are paying attention and open to learning. If we assume we are only providing information, we may miss the opportunity to receive feedback loops of learning.

It takes a certain skill to transfer knowledge from yourself to someone else. Not everyone is good at it, though it can be learned. Though while you are transferring that knowledge, you can also reassess how you learned, understood or integrated that knowledge. During this process, you may look at things in a new light. Perhaps new experiences, thoughts or information will impact your perception and adjust your mindset.

Although it can be quite difficult to be confronted with new points of view, it is beneficial to grasp those moments. If there was only one best way and one right answer, we would all know it by now.

Learning while teaching is a worthwhile skill to develop.

Gratitude Observe Think About It Time

The Sounds Of Children Playing

Posted on November 12, 2020

Playgrounds and schoolyards can be immensely fun and filled with energy, excitement and enthusiasm. The sounds of children playing can be music to our ears.

We live near a primary school, which has it’s pros and cons. Certainly one of the pros, for me, is that every weekday, for the entire lunch period, I can hear the frolicking fun being had by all. It does bring a smile to my face as I hear the enjoyable mixing of their fluctuating voices.

Not only is it fun to hear them and imagine them playing games like ‘it’, but it is fun to reminisce too. Thinking back to the times when you were 6 or 9 is always interesting. What games did you play? Who were your very good friends? What did you do and talk about for an hour at lunch?

It is fun to think back and remember the easier memories and also stretch your mind to recall other things that have more dust on them. It can be pleasant, painful and helpful to remind oneself of the days of their childhood. You can learn a lot about where you are now but understanding how you were then.

They’ve gone inside now. The playground has fallen quiet.

There can be a hollow emptiness once you can no longer hear the sounds of children playing.

Action Observe Think About It

How Do You Decide?

Posted on November 11, 2020

Decisions are based on feelings. But there are reasons behind them. Though often they are difficult to deconstruct. How do you decide?

People start with a gut instinct or initial reaction. This kind of thinking allows you to swerve your car or bike in a split second to avoid hitting a pedestrian. It can also be used when meeting a new friend or partner.

This fast decision making is based on our natural instincts and personal experience. Sometimes it serves us very well and saves our life. It is often referred to as ‘quick thinking’. This is more of a reactionary mode with little time, if any, spent on processing new information.

Other times, we make a decision but we don’t act quickly with it. We will observe, question, theorise and consider evidence a little more. You can recognise this when speaking to someone as they take time to reflect and give the idea some consideration before replying.

In the later, people who have ‘mulled it over’ have a better understanding of themselves and why they are making the decision. If you simply react, you are not open to new information and dismiss it as wrong or unnecessary.

If you don’t reflect, you may not understand what values and priorities drive your decision making. You’ll grow more if you do.

How do you decide?