Observe Archives - Page 63 of 70

Dealing With Disappointment

Posted on October 1, 2020

I’m sure we have all had an expectation which wasn’t met. Therefore, dealing with disappointment will have been a factor in our life, whether it was a grade at school, sporting challenge, friendship or dining experience.

We all deal with disappointment differently. Some of our coping mechanisms will have been learned observationally through watching our parents. Some will have come from friends, books and strangers.

As with anything, we should strive, with an open mind, to find the best techniques and tips. There may be 10-20 options to choose from. Some will work well for us and others will be less effective.

Regardless, it’s a good skill to learn and develop. Improving on our ability to be resilient is a very good idea. This is an important point as, generally, as we grow older, the problems can become more significant with greater implications. So it is ideal to learn very good skills early on and hone them for when the big challenges occur.

Today I went for my quarterly blood donation. I’ve recently adjusted my diet a little and it seems I was just a tad low on iron. So I was thanked for coming and told to try again in three months.

I was more disappointed than I thought I should be. However, dealing with disappointment like this is good practice for the big stuff in life.

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Decoding Communications

Posted on September 30, 2020

Engaging with someone can be tricky business. There is a lot of room for error and misunderstanding. Decoding communications can be helpful but you need to be aware of the pitfalls.

Have you ever thought, “There is no way they can disagree with this point”. And then the other persons finds a way. Why is that? What happened between your very clear and concise thought and their response to it?

First there is your intent. That is reflected in how you say something. Are you being bossy, suggestive, argumentative or condescending?

Then there are also the words you use and the order you use them. Words can mean different things to different people at different times. For example, we often get a giggle at our house when referring to pants. For the Canadian parents, pants are trousers. Whereas the British children more commonly know pants as underwear. But there are other words which can elicit quite strong emotional responses.

There is also the element of who is saying it. “You are chatting again”, might have a very different impact on a couple of teenagers if it comes from their teacher. But if it is said by a friend at lunch time, it might come across with more humour.

Decoding communications can be challenging. These are just some of the issues you can encounter.

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Keep Your Eyes On The Prize

Posted on September 22, 2020

It seems so simple. Yet, this one thing will often determine first place from everyone else. Keep your eyes on the prize is a popular saying in some circles. If you’ve not heard it before, maybe you should look for higher performance circles!

The prize could be considered your ’why’. For example, how you will feel after winning. Or it could simply be that which you attain with success. This could be money, medals or merit.

Whatever the prize is, you need to keep your eyes on it. You need to remain focused on what you need to do all day, every day. Eliminate distractions. Stay disciplined. Keep positive and high energy. You will need to be tough and resilient so you can bounce back from setbacks.

The prize will motivate you. It will also help you push through the challenges of training. Both your mental grit and physical fitness will be tested repeatedly. You need to build the toughest you possible. This way you will be able to push through the most challenging moments and still emerge victorious.

If you want the outcome bad enough, you will push through and succeed.

The critical key is to keep your eyes on the prize.

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Few Things Are Straightforward

Posted on September 21, 2020

We make snap decisions all the time. There is little time to gather all the facts and then weigh them. Few things are straightforward and yet we often take an immediate view.

Why is that?

Survival instinct would be one reason. Emotional reactions, which are instinctive and learned, is another. They are also much quicker to use to come to a conclusion than any other method.

Bias is another issue. Sometimes we want an outcome to be true so badly that we will ignore strong evidence to the contrary.

Sometimes, some people, take the time to investigate both sides of the story. Of course there is nuance and uncertainty. And certain situations come down to one key element. Those that can recognise their own bias and still make a fair decision are highly regarded.

Judges, referees and umpires all make a career out of remaining objective. We rely on them to interpret the rules and the laws as set out. Both the spirit and the letter of the law can be considered. They gather the key information, weigh it, understand what they want and what is best for the situation.

Few things are straightforward. Learn to take time, gather facts from both sides, remove your bias and then present a calm conclusion. Everyone will benefit from this process.

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Who Doesn’t Love Fun!?

Posted on September 16, 2020

Well, I suppose there may be some people. Maybe the glass is half empty people. Misery loves company. But really, who doesn’t love fun!?

It can be really hard to imagine people that don’t love fun. However, sometimes you hear people speak or watch their body language and think they are not having fun.

It’s not just in that moment, either. They seem to have this swirling anti-fun vibe following them around. A bit like Charlie Brown’s friend Pig-Pen. Unless you are helping them through that, best to stay clear.

Having fun is one of the wonderful things about life. While we can debate whether the best things in life are free, free fun could possibly be the best kind possible. Fun could be playing ‘It’ in the park or climbing a tree with your best mate.

Fun could be reminiscing with a dear friend or having a great conversation. I’m quite partial to celestial matters such as watching clouds move and spotting formations. Or looking for shooting stars in the dark night sky.

Watching a great movie with my wife and kids is another wonderful fun thing to do.

Is there enough fun in your life at the moment? What do you like to do for fun?

Who doesn’t love fun!? I don’t know but I am not going looking for them.

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They Are The Problem

Posted on September 15, 2020

That’s right. We know exactly who is ruining everything. When things go wrong, we can confidently say that they are the problem.

The media know it. You know it. People seem to reference them all the time.

We, of course, are not the problem. This is because we know better, we are more aware and we tell everyone so they can improve their lives. We are the solution. It is a simple solution in this complex world. Broad generalisations always avoid schisms.

If only they could see things the way we see things. They would then do things differently. Obviously differently means better. And not just a fraction better. It would mean doing things significantly better.

We know our way is practically perfect. In fact, everything should work as we prescribe. If only they would listen.

In addition to not clearly understanding the issues or the gravity of many situations, they are prone to hyperbole and embellishment. This doesn’t help. They seem to be swayed by others.

Clarifying the actual point is another problem. It’s a bit like whack-a-mole. We make our point clearly and succinctly. They then misunderstand and reply with a tangential point. They then miss the original point and confuse the second one.

We know they are the problem. When will they realise it?

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How Do You Pick Your Team?

Posted on September 12, 2020

It used to be where you were born. For some it was who their father supported. How do you pick your team? It’s not always so straightforward anymore.

Sometimes you need to break with traditional ways to make progress. Traditions can be excellent and welcome, like welcoming in the new year. Though some we can do without ever witnessing again.

Today people can pick their sports team, and other alliances, quite freely. This is a blessing and a curse. As there are no historical ties encouraging you to support one over another, you may not feel securely tied to anything.

Some will choose by colour of uniform. Others by their winning record. Yet others choose because they side with the underdog. If you think about it, that could be how we subconsciously find a mate, political party or even which company to work for.

Once you select your side, then you need to embed deep. Learn the songs and the rivalries. Buy the uniform and wear the gear. You get quite fully invested in it. These are now your people. And your cross town rival with all their supporters are your arch enemy.

And once you’ve chosen a side and become invested, it is very hard to leave, never mind switch to the opposition.

How do you pick your team?

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Catch People Doing Something Well

Posted on September 9, 2020

It’s so easy to criticise. Especially if you continue to practice doing it. Of greater benefit to one and all is to catch people doing something well.

I think I read about this in a parenting book many years ago. It really struck me. Although we want to guide our children and others well, it can mean we provide a disproportionate amount of negative feedback.

What builds confidence and leads to greater capability is hearing good and positive feedback. For most kids, they will do 99% of things in the good zone. Check whether you are giving 99% of your feedback on those good things they are doing.

This is the same with colleagues, other family members, the government, health care workers, police and teachers.

Every day, one hundred thousand things have to go right, at the right time. That’s just for things to go smoothly. If one thing isn’t right, try not to focus on that. Focus on all the other things going well.

There are various ways to address this. One is to recognise several of the good things that they have done, especially any they did particularly well. Often you can leave it there. A lot of times they already know what they could have done better.

Catch people doing something well and you’ll see more smiles.

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Addressing Your Bias

Posted on September 7, 2020

Most people have a bias. Yes, even you. Maybe for some things, you might remain neutral. But what if I say, “Trump”? Addressing your bias, whenever you have one, is a useful endeavour.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
Epictetus

How you react to something reveals your bias. And the more you practice looking for the bias in others, the more you will see it. The bias will come through in body language and the words people use.

As I mentioned in my previous post about fire, everything is neutral until you give it energy in one direction or another. Be careful what you give your energy to.

If you are serious about understanding where your biased thoughts are, try accessing a different information source for one week.

For example. if you usually source from the Guardian or CNN, try Fox News and vice versa. If you are more conservative and pro-Trump, you may be watching Candace Owens or the Hodge Twins. This would mean you would switch with those more left leaning that may be reading The Atlantic or The Washington Post.

I have found YouTube quite interesting in this challenge. It’s algorithm exposes you to things that you wouldn’t normally see if you usually go direct to apps.

Addressing your bias can be a fun and enlightening experience.

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How You See Things

Posted on September 3, 2020

I find it fascinating watching people discuss a topic. Often they will use facts and reasonable points but reach different conclusions. How you see things is a massive determinant in your life.

The US initial jobless claims have been announced by the US Department of Labour. It noted that the weekly claims were down about 110,000. It was roughly 1 million last week. This week it was 880,000. The comparable week in 2019 was circa 179,000.

So some people have noted that there is a downward trend in the weekly jobless claims, which there is. Other people noted that, compared to last year, the jobless claims are about 4.5 times higher, which it is. Both parties are right but they choose different data to make their point.

Some people will emphasise that things are getting better. They may want the incumbent President re-elected so promote the good news. Or their business may depend on the economy improving so they are sounding optimistic in the hopes others will be too. The opposite is also true. In addition, if you want or need more government money, you may highlight the negative numbers.

How you see things is not always clear cut. You often see things to suit the narrative you have in your mind already. With a cloudy vision, you can make decisions detrimental to your future.