Observe Archives - Page 63 of 67

It’s An Opinion

Posted on July 13, 2020

We can get fairly worked up over an opinion. A long time ago, I can remember vigorously debating with friends. It’s an opinion, became my overriding thought. I don’t need to change theirs. It doesn’t change the reality.

What is useful is to understand their opinion. A person usually holds a different opinion because they have either received information in a different way to you or they have had a personal experience.

Their opinion is valid. It can take people a very long time to change their perspective and their opinion – ask Copernicus. There are many barriers. Not least of which is being an outcast from one of their dominant tribes.

Try to discover more about their opinion.

Stop and listen. Both sides. See what specific, periphery ideas you can agree on. Note those. Then progress to other common ground. Discover what specific item is you are disagreeing on. Are there any facts you could search the internet for? Are there interviews, podcasts or videos outlining the idea from various perspectives? Is there someone who may be more eloquent with respect to this topic? A third party may reduce the tension and emotion.

Your opinion is simply an opinion based on what you are aware of at the time.

For example, it used to be conventional wisdom that Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ the ‘New World’. For people who had never heard of this land mass before, Chris discovered it. But for the people who lived there, he was a visitor at best.

He didn’t create that new land mass. He went looking for something new and found it. A bit like someone looking for your wallet and jokingly calling out ‘finders keepers‘ when their hand is in your pocket.

When it’s an opinion, let it go calmly.

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Your Dominant Tribe

Posted on July 11, 2020

Have you ever found yourself torn between two groups of people? It could involve friends, family, associates or others. Your dominant tribe will usually shine through when you are in this position.

Imagine yourself walking along the road with four good friends that you haven’t seen in awhile. You are heading to a restaurant to have a fabulous, fun, dinner together.

You pass by the local concert hall on the way and notice one of your favourite bands is playing and it starts in 30 minutes. Two of your friends are super keen on the concert but the other two need to eat and head off.

Now you have many different forces tugging on you and pulling you in different directions. Will you go with the concert-goer tribe or dinner-going tribe?

There will be emotions at play as well, such as the guilt of spending time with one couple of friends instead of the other. There might also be the fear of missing out, either of a great concert or an exciting catch-up over a delicious meal.

Sometimes these moments of decision are easy and at other times they can be quite difficult. Reviewing the decision the next day can be instructive as they help you understand the forces in your life. Your deepest values tend to shine through in these moments.

Your dominant tribe is not always so obvious when core values are put to the test.

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Expectations v Reality Gap

Posted on July 8, 2020

It is wonderful to have great expectations. Having them also brings you hope for a better future. However, the expectations v reality gap (ER Gap), must be monitored closely as it can destroy your mind.

Our own expectations for our life, and the world around us, is often being recalibrated. This is usually in an upward trajectory. For example, it feels good to believe that I will make more money, have a better relationship, progress in my career and be healthier. The opposite is not very encouraging or motivating.

It is useful to have expectations surpassing our current reality. Doing this gives you hope and an objective to strive toward. This will help to motivate you to take action toward fulfilling those expectations.

However, there are two cautions to be noted.

Firstly, be careful not to let your expectations get too far ahead of your reality. It is easier to get disheartened if you are chasing the big dream and not seeming to make any progress. Remember to divide up your goal and expectations into steps or levels. As your reality reaches the next level you will gain momentum. Then you can recalibrate to focus on the next step in the process.

The second caution is to recalibrate your expectations downward when your reality is negatively impacted. So if your career, school grades, finances, health or athletic goals suffer a setback, recalibrate your expectations. You can do this by adding in a few more steps to your timeline. You can also extend your timeline out a little.

These two cautions are very important for your mental health. If the expectations v reality gap gets too wide, you will torment yourself and cause undue stress in your life.

Mind the Gap and stay out of the ER (A&E).

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When Is A Problem Solved?

Posted on July 7, 2020

There are often different solutions to problems. And some problems have had tremendous progress. But when is a problem solved?

If I have a cut on my arm, I usually consider the initial problem solved once it stops bleeding. Usually I consider the whole problem resolved when any scab is gone and the area looks similar to how it was. If there is a little mark or scar that reminds me of the problem, that is fine. It’s not ideal but it is fine.

Some problems are more difficult to conclude that they are resolved. For example, there has been a very recent case of bubonic plague in Asia. It was once a highly feared and deadly disease. Now it can be controlled more easily. Is it a crisis? Is it a problem? At what point would you have unanimous opinion that it is no longer a problem?

We can look at homelessness, illiteracy and poverty in a similar way. Is there a measure whereby you would have unanimous agreement that these challenges were no longer a problem?

People build organisations and associations to tackle a problem. Usually this is a good way to deal with an issue. Unions would be a good example. Union membership is well down from 60 years ago though. Is there a point in the future that they will no longer be useful? Perhaps sufficient legislation will be in place or the culture will be sufficiently different to make unions irrelevant.

If that were to become the case, what would happen to the dwindling union organisations? When would they say that their job was done and it was time to close up shop?

When solving a problem, remember to be clear about the metric that determines that the job is done.

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Am I Misinterpreting You Correctly?

Posted on July 6, 2020

Have you ever said something and the other person asks, “Are you saying I’m (fat, ugly, stupid, etc)?”? “Am I misinterpreting you correctly?” is what they should be asking.

Rarely have I heard someone respond with a positive expectation, such as, “Are you saying I look fit and fabulous?”.

Why is it that, when we try to decipher an underlying meaning to a statement, we overwhelmingly err on the negative side? Why are we looking for some unspoken meaning in the first place? Take the compliment, or comment, and thank the other person with a smile.

Even if it is not said with perfect words, and in the order you would want to hear it, the other person is trying. If you want them to keep trying, practice and improve, then encourage them. Try not to shut them down quickly and resist their actual intention with a cynical mindset.

Now sometimes the intention of the person is not good. There are times the person saying the words have the intent to harm. Though occasionally it can be difficult to tell. Especially if you are looking for the negative, or you tend to the cynical side and believe most people have poor intentions.

Either way, this is unfortunate, unnecessary and unacceptable. It is usually the result of a childhood that lacked good role models and an adult life with little curiosity to improve. A quick, confident and genuine, “Thank you for taking an interest”, should throw them off and end the exchange.

The next time someone says something you might not like, before responding, ask yourself, “Am I misinterpreting you correctly?”.

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What Do You Look For In Other People?

Posted on July 2, 2020

I’m not sure many people consciously consider the traits they look for in friends or associates. What do you look for in other people? Are there five or six must have items on your list? Perhaps, like many people, your friendship circle is simply a collection of people you got along with well at some point.

We tend to veer towards groups with people who have similar interests like cars, property, music, surfing or bridge. And usually people bump along meeting others in that group until they find someone who they click with.

Is there a more efficient way to go about this? Speed dating fascinates me for this reason. On the surface it seems rather cold and unromantic. But it has an undeniable efficiency. Whether you have a list of ‘must haves’ or not, people tend to know within a few minutes whether the person has ‘heck yes’ potential or not.

And, if they don’t have the potential, simply catch and release. There are other fish in the sea. Of course the sooner you find those other fish, the sooner you will find additional joy.

The tough part comes when you find someone you enjoy hanging around with but they are not good for your future. Do you have the strength and discipline to cut them loose?

Become clear on what you want in a person you spend time with. Like a holiday, job, spouse, business partner or doctor, you’re going to spend important time there/together. You might as well set some specific and high criteria.

Gratitude Health & Fitness Observe Reframe your thoughts Time

The Best Time In History To Have A Pandemic

Posted on June 27, 2020

There is probably never a good time to have one. But if there had to be one, then this is the best time in history to have a pandemic.

Right now we have the best medicine, knowledge and science. In addition, there are no major wars. The global economy has been pretty healthy and improving for a decade. We can communicate far and wide via the internet with friends and families. School’s have rapidly adapted themselves to online home schooling and some return-to-school social distancing.

Furthermore, we have fewer 70+ aged people on the planet than we will in 20 or 30 years. Given the greater challenges for this age group, with Covid-19, this is another positive for this moment in time.

We also have incredible international, interconnected awareness and collaboration. Even technology is at its best ever. Oddly, however, many countries don’t seem to have a simple or effective track and trace programme in place. Perhaps this concept needs a rebrand. The name may be a barrier to usage. People may not want to be tracked like an animal and traced like a fugitive or DHL package.

Another plus for this era is the longer life expectancy most people have.

So I know it’s not an ideal time to have this happen, because it is in the middle of our moment here. But most generations throughout history have had a far more difficult time, generally. Therefore, like it or not, this is the best time in history to have a pandemic – particularly this one.

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Being Right And Wrong

Posted on June 25, 2020

Sometimes you need to rely on the information that you are given. You may even believe it to be true, only to find out it isn’t so. Being right and wrong can add an extra layer of complexity to any situation.

I learned early on in life about the importance of your source. I also learned not to believe everything I read. In addition, I learned that adults make mistakes just like kids.

When I was 12, I read about Ian Gillan replacing Ronnie James Dio in Black Sabbath. I can’t recall which magazine it was in, but it was likely Circus or Hit Parader. The article had his name misspelled as Gillian though, with a second i. However, I was unaware of who Ian Gillan was and so did not know the correct spelling of his name.

I was made aware of the correct spelling though. I went into school the next day, armed with this big, exciting news. Memorising this new name was important so that I could get the story right. A friend of mine laughed at my pronunciation of Ian’s name, given the additional i. The conversation suddenly stopped being about this new change in one of our favourite bands.

The discussion then centred on how to spell Ian’s name. I was certain that I had memorised it correctly. My friend was certain he was correct. As he was a fan of Deep Purple already, I assumed he was correct and I let it go.

I checked the magazine that evening and I had read its incorrect spelling correctly. It was difficult in that pre-internet era to verify something like this without getting to a shop to check the spelling on the album or cassette. As I lived on a farm, far away from record shops, this was a non-starter.

My friend brought in his Deep Purple cassette the next day to confirm that the spelling was with just one i – Gillan.

It’s funny how a person can be right and wrong at the same time, like I was. But it happens. So it is always good to check the original, definitive source, if you can, before using the information.

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Doing What We Know

Posted on June 24, 2020

It may not always be good for us but doing what we know is often comforting. We have ingrained habits and neural pathways that make the familiar easier to do.

This would be fantastic news if we all had fabulous habits from our youth. However many people develop some coping mechanisms, or a few poor habits, when they are young. Development really depends on so many things.

The good habits, and the associated neural pathways, can be great if we’ve stumbled off our path. It makes it easier to get back to our previously efficient, focused and productive selves. Knowing we’ve done it before makes it easier to do again.

Although, it is also important to note that if you have improved various aspects of your life, you need to be careful not to slip into unproductive old ways. This is especially important if those older ways were unhelpful or destructive.

Some old habits, like eating, smoking, gambling and drinking can really disrupt our lives if relived with enthusiasm or without thought.

Another category is simply those little things we enjoy doing but that have minimal impact on our lives. An example of this is flopping on the sofa and listening to a few favourite tunes from younger days. It’s just something you enjoy doing and you know you’ll feel better after it.

By doing what we know, we can improve our lives or have it spiral downward. It can be a constant battle or our saving grace. Though eventually, you can make the good habits a part of your life. By continuing to overwrite our old programming, we can minimise the chance of back sliding.

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The Stockdale Paradox

Posted on June 18, 2020

What does seven years in the Hanoi Hilton have in common with Covid lockdown? Perhaps it is The Stockdale Paradox. You must confront the brutal facts while emphatically maintaining that you will survive, and thrive, despite them.

I first became aware of The Stockdale Paradox almost two decades ago when I was reading Jim Collins’ fascinating book, “Good to Great”. The book is the result of a study of the differentiating factors between long term success and short term blips.

In the book, James Stockdale is brought up. Despite having survived seven years of seriously harsh POW treatment, he seemed to have survived the ordeal and feel stronger for it. Let’s all hope that whatever our personal circumstances are, or become, we can say the same after this Covid experience.

It is important to confront the brutal facts of our current reality. And equally critical, we must have unwavering belief that we will overcome whatever difficulties we encounter and emerge stronger on the other side.

Admiral Stockdale said it was the optimists that struggled and sometimes didn’t make it through. I can understand that. However, I will add that perhaps it was the impatient folks that struggled most. The one’s that wanted it over quickly, in addition to those that were hopeful about the outcome.

Think about your expectations and sprinkle some patience in there. The 1918 Pandemic lasted 2 years. It doesn’t mean this one will be difficult for some or all of that time though. So stay positive, and patient, and be ready to overcome whatever comes your way.