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What Ten Words Describe You?

Posted on February 23, 2020

Can you describe yourself? It’s a great exercise. Try it right now.

Grab a pen and paper or toggle into your notes section of your device.

Write the numbers from 1 to 10. Then see how many single words (or short phrases) you can write about yourself, up to a maximum of 10.

These words should describe what you think of you, right now. It’s not what your best friend thinks of you or what you think your mother might say. Be as objective and honest/realistic as you can. You don’t have to show anyone.

To get your mental gears going, here are a few examples:

Olympian
Tea lover
Clean Air Advocate
Student
Soccer/Football fan

This is not a forever list. It can change as your life changes or your perception changes.

For those of you in the advanced class, now write 10 words/short phrases you would like to describe you by 1 January 2022.

If you had put smoker today, you may want to become a Clean Air Advocate by 2022. If you had put Olympian, you may want to describe yourself as a gold medalist after this summers’ Olympics. You may wish to move from ‘good father’ to ‘world class dad’.

These two lists are good steps to help you learn about yourself and see what you can achieve.

Many people will spend far more time planning their holiday than they will discovering who they are and what changes they could make to bring more joy to their life.

Consider this the first step towards becoming the person you would most like to be. Still yourself: Just a better version of you.

Go make those lists!

(If you get stuck, go into the Facebook group pages and I can help you out.)

Action Observe Reframe your thoughts

Focus On The Outcome You Want

Posted on February 22, 2020

This seems to be the highest probability way to get what you want in life. If you are not getting things that you want, check your word selection and order, listen carefully to your self-talk and be mindful of the questions you ask and statements you make: even in jest.

As you focus on achieving the outcome you are looking for, your mind gathers information, evidence, options, connections and other relevant materials to make this work.

The same is true if you happen to mention things you don’t want. This is why people that happen to mention the negative outcome they don’t want, seem to attract the negative outcome.

It is not a guaranteed way for things to work out positively or negatively, but there seems to be a higher probability that what you focus on, speak about, think through and ‘see’, is more likely to come to pass.

Just try framing things in a positive, specific way each time you refer to something. Catch yourself when you say things using a negative or it is the opposite of what you want. For example, “What if she says no?” Could be reframed to, “What if she says yes?”. “I don’t want to spend hours shopping, I don’t have time today”, could become, “I want to be quick and select only the things I need and clearly want so I can be done in 20 minutes.”

Give it a try today. See if you can spot when you‘re framing something in the negative. Give yourself some kudos if you find yourself framing or re-framing in the positive. If you don’t already do this, it can take some time to become a habit. It is worth it though. Good luck!

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Check Your Intent

Posted on February 18, 2020

Are you trying to help someone improve, or are you looking for a pat on the back, for being empathetic or interested?

When you argue/debate/converse, are you trying to “win” and prove your perception is “right” and that it is the only possible perception, reality or opinion? Or are you seeking to understand what the other person is trying to express? I say ’trying’ as sometimes, under pressure, or if the question gets them thinking, a person may be quickly trying to express something, but not very well. Some people will pick up on the less-well-articulated thought and attack the words rather than the intent of the person uttering them. This is unfortunate.

We need to #BeKinder and allow people to find the better words to express their thoughts. This is why we should check our intent. Frequently. We can immediately change the tone of a conversation by adjusting our own intent.

The closer you listen to someone, the more you will learn about them. Some people are a bit sloppy in their word selection. Others have fewer learned words to select from. Listen carefully to people today. Measure their words against their deeds and the intent you believe you are observing. It’s fascinating. Did your waiter really mean, “Have a nice day”? (On a scale of 1-10)

Sometimes we can hurt people’s feelings with our words unintentionally. This is an accident. However, it can seem quite clear sometimes, what someone’s intent is. Sometimes it seems clear their intent is unkind.

Fellow Canadian, Jordan B Peterson, was interviewed on Channel 4 News a couple of years ago. See the video below – it has been viewed 19 million times. It has some topical subjects and is a good case study on intent. What is his and what is hers during the show?

Spoiler: I felt Jordan’s intent was to try to give a thought-through perspective to help the audience get a better understanding of the detail involved in the topics. It felt like Cathy’s intent was to try to provoke or discredit Jordan and show him in a bad light.

What do you think the intent is for both parties involved? You can leave your comment below by adding your thoughts under “Your Thinking…”. (If it is not directly below these words, click on the title of this post (at the top of the page) and it will take you to the comment area).

Action Goals, Results & New Thinking Observe Progress Think About It

Use The Feedback

Posted on February 14, 2020

Great, positive feedback is what the majority of people would like to get. It feels good and it’s energising. One great piece of feedback, or good feedback from the right person, at the right time, can keep me motivated for days or weeks.

Improvement feedback can be harder to take. It doesn’t have to be harder to take, but in general, a lot of people will have some challenges with constructive feedback, never mind factual or negative feedback too.

Since starting this blog, I have had a good deal of feedback. Some really good and positive feedback, while others have given good insights into ways I could improve the site or content. I have found both to be very useful and I have been delighted each time that someone has taken the time out of their day to think about the item, write down that feedback and send it to me.

The real key to feedback is not how it makes you feel in the moment. Although that can be helpful, and is important, what you need to do is reflect on it and use the feedback. That is the real key.

Use the positive feedback to encourage you to keep going. Maybe even create a notebook, journal or notes page in your phone, to capture all the good feedback. Then it is there for you when you need a little motivation or want to get smiling again. I have some from many years ago. It really makes a great impact each time I see it.

With growth or improvement feedback, you should consider it, assess whether it has some element of truth (whether you want to face that truth or not), and if it does, look at how you can start using the feedback and incorporating into your life. People are trying to help you, for free, so that you can improve and do better socially, financially, health-wise or whatever the topic is. People’s intent is usually good. But even if it isn’t, you can still use their insight and comments to help you improve and grow.

I’ve been using the feedback I’ve been getting for this blog and hopefully people are seeing the result of that. And what can’t be seen yet, I’m at least working on behind the scenes.

Always thank the person giving the feedback, whether you like it, or not.

Today, try to give at least one person some useful and actionable feedback. Also, listen for, or ask for, feedback from others for you to use. Write it down. Thank them. Use it! You will grow much faster, improve yourself quicker and see the benefits of that growth realised much sooner (in health, wealth, relationships, career, etc.).

Use the feedback.

Action Observe Reframe your thoughts

Is Fire Good Or Bad?

Posted on February 13, 2020

If your house burned down when you were young, your perception of fire could be skewed to the bad side. If having a fire kept you warm in your home every winter, and you lived in Canada, you might think fire is good or even great.

This is based on a sample size of one example for each. Not a strong case, as we’ve explored in a previous post.

If we learned that the house fire allowed the family to build a beautiful new home, their view of fire could be tempered somewhat. If the latter person, who was building the warming fires in winter, burnt their hands frequently in the process, they may be a little less positive about the subject.

Fire isn’t inherently good or bad. It can be good for some people, some of the time, and not so good for others at other times. Labelling it good or bad based on one moment in time, or on one example, doesn’t take into account all of what it has done.

Perceptions are made. Perceptions can change. Perceptions are frequently based on a sample size of one. This can ignore all the good, or the bad, that has come before.

Remember to challenge your perceptions today. When you are on automatic mode, stop and think if what you are thinking or saying is always true. You will find more harmony in your life as you add this into your days ahead.

Financial Observe Reframe your thoughts

Money Mindset

Posted on February 12, 2020

It is fascinating to observe how differently people engage with the topic of money. As with most things, it is a learned behaviour, usually from parents, extended family, family friends and primary school.

As with other habits and patterns of thinking, a person, with a little curiosity, an open mind and a growth mindset, can change their views and relationship with money to improve all things money related in their life.

They will, of course, have to do their own pushups on this one. Though there are loads of useful resources to help with a money mindset transformation. T Harv Eker and Jen Sincero have good and enjoyable books on the topic to get people started.

My challenge to you today is to think about your money mantras for a few minutes. Figure out your earliest memory of those mantras, as well as who said them or reinforced them, and then consider how they might just be impacting your life. Hint: It may not be in a good way.

Here are a few common phrases to get you started:

Money is bad (it is not good or bad, it’s just a thing),
Money is the root of all evil (Is it? Or is it just a medium of exchange? Is your paycheck evil? Besides, the phrase is often misquoted from 1Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. – Here it seems to be referring to greed or avarice – one of the seven deadly sins – whereby greed is an intense and selfish desire.
We can’t afford it (Try asking, ‘How could we afford it, or something similar?’ – It’s much more empowering)
Rich people are jerks (or crooks). (Now some may be, and some won’t be. There’s no point being richist. Is your commentary based on a sample size of one? Are you just parroting what the journalist/paper wants you to think?

Action Health & Fitness Observe

Smiling

Posted on February 10, 2020

Such an easy way to make your day better.

Smiling is great. Especially if you can add a lovely thought to it and it turns into one of those full face, fun smiles. It really lifts the spirits and has such an energising power.

Smiling is a good habit and a skill. Like any habit and skill, you can improve on it with practice. In time, you could conjure up a smile instantaneously. You will also be able to hold it longer than you can now. You should also be able to really feel it and enjoy it. That’s when you can use it to completely change your day. It’s a super power!

Like many super powers, it has the ability to help others. When you smile joyously at another person, you tend to bring them along with you. You can alter the course of someone’s life by simply smiling at them. You can magically bring them hope and joy with just a few captivating seconds.

Smiling is also free to practice and use and has a positive impact on the smiler and smilee. So we should all practice our own little super power daily; for ourselves and for others.

We all have this super power within us, and for some, it is dormant. Wake it up! Shake it up and get using it more!

7.7 billion people smiling throughout the day. The thought of that brings a big, grinny smile to my face.

Go on. Smile! And then share it with someone.

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Aware

Posted on February 9, 2020

I like to think of people as being aware or not aware of something.

When a person is born, they are not aware of much. They then start becoming aware of things such as their senses and information. Given the amount of general and detailed information available to become aware of on earth, people are often unaware of most things (relative to all things).

Becoming aware can be a factor of age, situation, geography or interest, amongst other routes. For example, most people won’t become aware of the idea of 8 x 8 until they are about 7 years old. The majority of people won’t be aware of the daily routine of a type 1 diabetic, unless they become one, or are very close to someone who has. Additionally, if you grew up in England, especially as a fan of football, you would probably be aware of the significance of 1966. If you grew up in Canada, and followed baseball, probably much less so.

Generally speaking you can become aware of anything, either intentionally or not. But with so many millions of pieces of information available to be aware of, and millions more created every day, we should go a little easy on people who are not aware of the things that we are. Just because a person doesn’t know something about a topic dear to you, doesn’t make them wholly uneducated or ignorant. They are simply unaware of that particular thing.

For today, try not to judge people based on what they are aware of, but rather, kindly and pleasantly, make them aware of the information you feel is important and assess their response to it.

Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Judging Me Too

Posted on February 6, 2020

A build on yesterday’s post about judging. The opening line was, “It’s something most people do to others”. I should have added, “and ourselves too.” because we know we are frequently our own harshest critic. We take the worst comments people have said about us and absorb those as reality rather than dismissing them as the outliers that they really are.

Use the bell curve, for all comments, to asses where on that spectrum you might realistically be and hold that as your minimum truth. Your mother might think you are amazing so that is an outlier at the one end of the spectrum and your worst critic might say the harshest things, creating an outlier at the other end of the spectrum. Then most of the other people are generally in the middle. Use their commentary on you: Not the worst critic.

Criticising is similar to assessing, though they tend to be the negative and positive word for the action. Then you judge and lock in a conclusion. So be super careful which area on the spectrum you lock in your own judgement. This is not a time to be self-deprecating or shy or to play down anything. This is you, talking to you, and about to pass judgement on yourself. You’ve heard from the various witnesses and you’ve weighed up their comments, within the context they were given, and now it is your turn to assess whether you lock away your potential for a lifetime sentence or if you can see the greatness in you, beyond a reasonable doubt.

If your past has not been well constructed, in the context of all people that have ever lived (not just the saints), then you can start again with a restart. If it has been fairly normal with a mix of good and less than great, you can make things better from this moment. But give yourself a break today. Judge the Whole You, over your lifetime, and not just a few silly mistakes.

You deserve the best mind coach in the world. Start with the one inside you already.

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Stories We Tell Ourselves

Posted on February 4, 2020

Stories are often easier to remember than just the facts on their own. Additionally, stories tend to have more depth and nuance than facts, so they tend to invoke specific feelings. Stories can also be embellished, intentionally or unknowingly. With stories, we can highlight different elements depending on our mood, our audience or our intent.

A simple example of this is how you describe the big party you attended Saturday night. It is usually a little differently highlighted when retelling it to your friends rather then your boss or mother-in-law.

Stories are also personal. Those that strike a chord with us are more easily remembered. Given that decisions are based on emotions first, and personal stories are in our lives because they invoke an emotion, we probably allow stories too much influence over many of our own decisions in life.

“I would do that, but I am not smart enough.” “I have always struggled with my weight.” “My mother always said I was like that.” “I won’t go for that promotion because my teacher said I wasn’t very good at public speaking.” “I’m too old.”

These are all examples of the type of stories that hold people back from achieving their personal potential.

However, as with a tv (or website), we can change the channel and thereby the story that it is playing. Although we can choose to stay on this channel, while we believe and live out the current stories we tell ourselves, we can also choose to change the channel and change the stories we tell ourselves. You always have a choice.

Listen closely to those unhelpful stories that swirl in your head and are too readily voiced.

Then, create new, more empowering, and exciting stories for your life. And repeat.

Go on. Change the channel.