Observe Archives - Page 70 of 70

Judging Me Too

Posted on February 6, 2020

A build on yesterday’s post about judging. The opening line was, “It’s something most people do to others”. I should have added, “and ourselves too.” because we know we are frequently our own harshest critic. We take the worst comments people have said about us and absorb those as reality rather than dismissing them as the outliers that they really are.

Use the bell curve, for all comments, to asses where on that spectrum you might realistically be and hold that as your minimum truth. Your mother might think you are amazing so that is an outlier at the one end of the spectrum and your worst critic might say the harshest things, creating an outlier at the other end of the spectrum. Then most of the other people are generally in the middle. Use their commentary on you: Not the worst critic.

Criticising is similar to assessing, though they tend to be the negative and positive word for the action. Then you judge and lock in a conclusion. So be super careful which area on the spectrum you lock in your own judgement. This is not a time to be self-deprecating or shy or to play down anything. This is you, talking to you, and about to pass judgement on yourself. You’ve heard from the various witnesses and you’ve weighed up their comments, within the context they were given, and now it is your turn to assess whether you lock away your potential for a lifetime sentence or if you can see the greatness in you, beyond a reasonable doubt.

If your past has not been well constructed, in the context of all people that have ever lived (not just the saints), then you can start again with a restart. If it has been fairly normal with a mix of good and less than great, you can make things better from this moment. But give yourself a break today. Judge the Whole You, over your lifetime, and not just a few silly mistakes.

You deserve the best mind coach in the world. Start with the one inside you already.

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Stories We Tell Ourselves

Posted on February 4, 2020

Stories are often easier to remember than just the facts on their own. Additionally, stories tend to have more depth and nuance than facts, so they tend to invoke specific feelings. Stories can also be embellished, intentionally or unknowingly. With stories, we can highlight different elements depending on our mood, our audience or our intent.

A simple example of this is how you describe the big party you attended Saturday night. It is usually a little differently highlighted when retelling it to your friends rather then your boss or mother-in-law.

Stories are also personal. Those that strike a chord with us are more easily remembered. Given that decisions are based on emotions first, and personal stories are in our lives because they invoke an emotion, we probably allow stories too much influence over many of our own decisions in life.

“I would do that, but I am not smart enough.” “I have always struggled with my weight.” “My mother always said I was like that.” “I won’t go for that promotion because my teacher said I wasn’t very good at public speaking.” “I’m too old.”

These are all examples of the type of stories that hold people back from achieving their personal potential.

However, as with a tv (or website), we can change the channel and thereby the story that it is playing. Although we can choose to stay on this channel, while we believe and live out the current stories we tell ourselves, we can also choose to change the channel and change the stories we tell ourselves. You always have a choice.

Listen closely to those unhelpful stories that swirl in your head and are too readily voiced.

Then, create new, more empowering, and exciting stories for your life. And repeat.

Go on. Change the channel.

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Sample Size Of One

Posted on January 29, 2020

There is incredible power in one data point.

One data point can shift people’s views, swing elections, give great hope, inspire, raise spirits, destroy ambition and generally mess with your mind.

I am sure many of us will have come across the sample size of one in every day use. “My friend said she knows him and that he’s a bit of a psycho. She wouldn’t date him.” This one data point could steer you clear of your soulmate. Or maybe you’ve heard something like, “My brother went and he said it was fantastic. You’ve got to go!”. Or perhaps even, “The man said he knew someone that tried that once and it didn’t turn out very well”.

In these scenarios, a person has referenced only one opinion and yet it can create quite an impression. This is exacerbated when the sample size of one is an extreme example, either good or bad.

Very often the sample size of one is based on unsubstantiated claims, with no context and you are unable to assess the source’s bias. However, despite these limitations we can see people frequently use just one data point to their advantage.

It’s fascinating to watch yourself, or others, get convinced in a conversation or while consuming media. Listen to people use it to strengthen their argument. Many of us will have done this frequently over the years.

Seven billion-ish people on the planet and we can use one data point to sway a position. It may not be right or wrong, but it is fascinating. And powerful.