So start with that. Right now.
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Category: Observe
Your Mind Is More Powerful Than Google – Be Very Careful
Type a question into Google and it will search, very quickly, and find the answer for you.
Your brain works the same way for questions. Your brain will search for the answer.
So be careful what question you ask it, especially out of frustration. For example, sometimes we use self talk, like, “Why am I so stupid?”, after having done something that seems a little silly to have done (Like forget our keys in the house, leave our tickets on the counter, or miss an appointment.)
Your brain is now required to search for, and find, an answer, or five, that could be correct, just like Google does. (Hopefully you don’t get 17,563,897 responses in one millisecond for that question!). Like Google, your brain tends to find answers that have been given frequently, recently or that others think is correct.
It does not mean it is correct, and the source of the answer may be a bit suspect (your sister or brother, that old boss who was a tyrant, your difficult classmate when you were eight years old, or an ineffective teacher from your past).
So please be very careful what you say, or ask, out loud, or under your breath. Your brain is compelled to give you an answer to that question. Rather, ask those slightly rhetorical questions that you would love to hear the answer to. Perhaps, “What makes me such a great friend?”, “How kind am I?”, “How can I set up my environment to succeed next time”.
Your brain is super powerful. Use it for good and to support you. Try preparing and practicing a few helpful questions right now, and then again throughout the day. Selecting better words, in a better order, and forming better questions, will be life-changing. Go on, give it a try.
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You’ve Got This!!
You’re an exceptional person. Sometimes you forget that. Let’s get some perspective on this.
That you were born at all, is quite a statistical feat. Never mind the point that you wake up every morning, have thoughts, can organise yourself (reasonably well), breathe, eat, turn food into energy – without even trying, and your eyes are deciphering these splotches on this page, feeding back the signal, while your super-computer of a brain is interpreting what my brain has tried to communicate. All that alone is simply amazing.
Then there is the whole thing about you and your accomplishments. You probably played at something that you were reasonably good at like a sport or musical instrument. Possibly you were a good student and did well on exams or on the chess club. Maybe you got player of the match once, won a final, went to the county championships or got on the Dean’s list.
Then you may have learned how to drive a car. It’s an everyday thing but it requires exceptional hand/eye motor skills that we take for granted. Perhaps you’ve had a very good relationship, quit an unhelpful habit, made a speech in front of some people, applied for a role, got interviewed and landed a job. Maybe you travelled somewhere all on your own, gave blood, or won a ribbon, medal or cup.
In the big scheme of things, I am certain you have achieved quite a few things in your life so far. Write down a list of at least 10 things that you have had success with – any kind of success. If you get on a roll, keep going. See if you can get 20, 30 or 80 items on your list of things you have achieved, or at least feel pretty good about – for whatever reason.
Then keep this list nearby. Add to it when you can. Review it once a week for the next 5 weeks; or every night before you go to bed. Remind yourself how you have done all sorts of pedestrian and amazing things to get you here, to this point, in life. Whatever is ahead for you, you will succeed with it.
You are an exceptional person.
You are an achiever.
You’ve got this!!
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The Easier Way To Get Great Results!
Three of the best ways to get great results are:
- Motivation
- Discipline
- Environmental modification
Motivation is great, positive, and easier in the short term. Though a day or a week might be all you can handle before it wears off.
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar
Discipline is difficult. It is about overcoming what you want to do and doing what you should, regardless of how you feel. You just do it. Although, it does get easier in the longer term as you train your brain and it simply becomes a habit.
Environmental modification makes everything easier. You won’t need motivation or discipline to spring out of bed at the alarm or stop you from pushing the snooze button. If you place your alarm on the far side of the room and ensure the volume is up high, you will have no choice but to wake up. You’ll race across the room to turn it off but that will have got you out of bed.
And if your running or gym gear was left out, beside the alarm, it would be so easy to just slip into it and head off for some exercise.
If you want to modify what you consume, simply don’t buy things you are trying to stay away from (chocolate, cigarettes, alcohol). It’s a lot easier to exercise self discipline when you have to leave the house to get something you may be craving. By the time you get yourself out of the house to buy the item, your motivation for change, and your growing self discipline, may have kicked in and you’ll be able to stop and head back home without making an unwanted purchase.
Set yourself up to win today. Modify your environment first. Look around and see what you can change right now. It will make using your motivation and self discipline so much easier and more effective.
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What Ten Words Describe You?
Can you describe yourself? It’s a great exercise. Try it right now.
Grab a pen and paper or toggle into your notes section of your device.
Write the numbers from 1 to 10. Then see how many single words (or short phrases) you can write about yourself, up to a maximum of 10.
These words should describe what you think of you, right now. It’s not what your best friend thinks of you or what you think your mother might say. Be as objective and honest/realistic as you can. You don’t have to show anyone.
To get your mental gears going, here are a few examples:
- Olympian
- Tea lover
- Clean Air Advocate
- Student
- Soccer/Football fan
This is not a forever list. It can change as your life changes or your perception changes.
For those of you in the advanced class, now write 10 words/short phrases you would like to describe you by 1 January 2022.
If you had put smoker today, you may want to become a Clean Air Advocate by 2022. If you had put Olympian, you may want to describe yourself as a gold medalist after this summers’ Olympics. You may wish to move from ‘good father’ to ‘world class dad’.
These two lists are good steps to help you learn about yourself and see what you can achieve.
Many people will spend far more time planning their holiday than they will discovering who they are and what changes they could make to bring more joy to their life.
Consider this the first step towards becoming the person you would most like to be. Still yourself: Just a better version of you.
Go make those lists!
(If you get stuck, go into the Facebook group pages and I can help you out.)
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Focus On The Outcome You Want
This seems to be the highest probability way to get what you want in life. If you are not getting things that you want, check your word selection and order, listen carefully to your self-talk and be mindful of the questions you ask and statements you make: even in jest.
As you focus on achieving the outcome you are looking for, your mind gathers information, evidence, options, connections and other relevant materials to make this work.
The same is true if you happen to mention things you don’t want. This is why people that happen to mention the negative outcome they don’t want, seem to attract the negative outcome.
It is not a guaranteed way for things to work out positively or negatively, but there seems to be a higher probability that what you focus on, speak about, think through and ‘see’, is more likely to come to pass.
Just try framing things in a positive, specific way each time you refer to something. Catch yourself when you say things using a negative or it is the opposite of what you want. For example, “What if she says no?” Could be reframed to, “What if she says yes?”. “I don’t want to spend hours shopping, I don’t have time today”, could become, “I want to be quick and select only the things I need and clearly want so I can be done in 20 minutes.”
Give it a try today. See if you can spot when you‘re framing something in the negative. Give yourself some kudos if you find yourself framing or re-framing in the positive. If you don’t already do this, it can take some time to become a habit. It is worth it though. Good luck!
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Check Your Intent
Are you trying to help someone improve, or are you looking for a pat on the back, for being empathetic or interested?
When you argue/debate/converse, are you trying to “win” and prove your perception is “right” and that it is the only possible perception, reality or opinion? Or are you seeking to understand what the other person is trying to express? I say ’trying’ as sometimes, under pressure, or if the question gets them thinking, a person may be quickly trying to express something, but not very well. Some people will pick up on the less-well-articulated thought and attack the words rather than the intent of the person uttering them. This is unfortunate.
We need to #BeKinder and allow people to find the better words to express their thoughts. This is why we should check our intent. Frequently. We can immediately change the tone of a conversation by adjusting our own intent.
The closer you listen to someone, the more you will learn about them. Some people are a bit sloppy in their word selection. Others have fewer learned words to select from. Listen carefully to people today. Measure their words against their deeds and the intent you believe you are observing. It’s fascinating. Did your waiter really mean, “Have a nice day”? (On a scale of 1-10)
Sometimes we can hurt people’s feelings with our words unintentionally. This is an accident. However, it can seem quite clear sometimes, what someone’s intent is. Sometimes it seems clear their intent is unkind.
Fellow Canadian, Jordan B Peterson, was interviewed on Channel 4 News a couple of years ago. See the video below – it has been viewed 19 million times. It has some topical subjects and is a good case study on intent. What is his and what is hers during the show?
Spoiler: I felt Jordan’s intent was to try to give a thought-through perspective to help the audience get a better understanding of the detail involved in the topics. It felt like Cathy’s intent was to try to provoke or discredit Jordan and show him in a bad light.
What do you think the intent is for both parties involved? You can leave your comment below by adding your thoughts under “Your Thinking…”. (If it is not directly below these words, click on the title of this post (at the top of the page) and it will take you to the comment area).
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Use The Feedback
Great, positive feedback is what the majority of people would like to get. It feels good and it’s energising. One great piece of feedback, or good feedback from the right person, at the right time, can keep me motivated for days or weeks.
Improvement feedback can be harder to take. It doesn’t have to be harder to take, but in general, a lot of people will have some challenges with constructive feedback, never mind factual or negative feedback too.
Since starting this blog, I have had a good deal of feedback. Some really good and positive feedback, while others have given good insights into ways I could improve the site or content. I have found both to be very useful and I have been delighted each time that someone has taken the time out of their day to think about the item, write down that feedback and send it to me.
The real key to feedback is not how it makes you feel in the moment. Although that can be helpful, and is important, what you need to do is reflect on it and use the feedback. That is the real key.
Use the positive feedback to encourage you to keep going. Maybe even create a notebook, journal or notes page in your phone, to capture all the good feedback. Then it is there for you when you need a little motivation or want to get smiling again. I have some from many years ago. It really makes a great impact each time I see it.
With growth or improvement feedback, you should consider it, assess whether it has some element of truth (whether you want to face that truth or not), and if it does, look at how you can start using the feedback and incorporating into your life. People are trying to help you, for free, so that you can improve and do better socially, financially, health-wise or whatever the topic is. People’s intent is usually good. But even if it isn’t, you can still use their insight and comments to help you improve and grow.
I’ve been using the feedback I’ve been getting for this blog and hopefully people are seeing the result of that. And what can’t be seen yet, I’m at least working on behind the scenes.
Always thank the person giving the feedback, whether you like it, or not.
Today, try to give at least one person some useful and actionable feedback. Also, listen for, or ask for, feedback from others for you to use. Write it down. Thank them. Use it! You will grow much faster, improve yourself quicker and see the benefits of that growth realised much sooner (in health, wealth, relationships, career, etc.).
Use the feedback.
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Is Fire Good Or Bad?
If your house burned down when you were young, your perception of fire could be skewed to the bad side. If having a fire kept you warm in your home every winter, and you lived in Canada, you might think fire is good or even great.
This is based on a sample size of one example for each. Not a strong case, as we’ve explored in a previous post.
If we learned that the house fire allowed the family to build a beautiful new home, their view of fire could be tempered somewhat. If the latter person, who was building the warming fires in winter, burnt their hands frequently in the process, they may be a little less positive about the subject.
Fire isn’t inherently good or bad. It can be good for some people, some of the time, and not so good for others at other times. Labelling it good or bad based on one moment in time, or on one example, doesn’t take into account all of what it has done.
Perceptions are made. Perceptions can change. Perceptions are frequently based on a sample size of one. This can ignore all the good, or the bad, that has come before.
Remember to challenge your perceptions today. When you are on automatic mode, stop and think if what you are thinking or saying is always true. You will find more harmony in your life as you add this into your days ahead.
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Money Mindset
It is fascinating to observe how differently people engage with the topic of money. As with most things, it is a learned behaviour, usually from parents, extended family, family friends and primary school.
As with other habits and patterns of thinking, a person, with a little curiosity, an open mind and a growth mindset, can change their views and relationship with money to improve all things money related in their life.
They will, of course, have to do their own pushups on this one. Though there are loads of useful resources to help with a money mindset transformation. T Harv Eker and Jen Sincero have good and enjoyable books on the topic to get people started.
My challenge to you today is to think about your money mantras for a few minutes. Figure out your earliest memory of those mantras, as well as who said them or reinforced them, and then consider how they might just be impacting your life. Hint: It may not be in a good way.
Here are a few common phrases to get you started:
- Money is bad (it is not good or bad, it’s just a thing),
- Money is the root of all evil (Is it? Or is it just a medium of exchange? Is your paycheck evil? Besides, the phrase is often misquoted from 1Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. – Here it seems to be referring to greed or avarice – one of the seven deadly sins – whereby greed is an intense and selfish desire.
- We can’t afford it (Try asking, ‘How could we afford it, or something similar?’ – It’s much more empowering)
- Rich people are jerks (or crooks). (Now some may be, and some won’t be. There’s no point being richist. Is your commentary based on a sample size of one? Are you just parroting what the journalist/paper wants you to think?
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