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The Stockdale Paradox

Posted on June 18, 2020

What does seven years in the Hanoi Hilton have in common with Covid lockdown? Perhaps it is The Stockdale Paradox. You must confront the brutal facts while emphatically maintaining that you will survive, and thrive, despite them.

I first became aware of The Stockdale Paradox almost two decades ago when I was reading Jim Collins’ fascinating book, “Good to Great”. The book is the result of a study of the differentiating factors between long term success and short term blips.

In the book, James Stockdale is brought up. Despite having survived seven years of seriously harsh POW treatment, he seemed to have survived the ordeal and feel stronger for it. Let’s all hope that whatever our personal circumstances are, or become, we can say the same after this Covid experience.

It is important to confront the brutal facts of our current reality. And equally critical, we must have unwavering belief that we will overcome whatever difficulties we encounter and emerge stronger on the other side.

Admiral Stockdale said it was the optimists that struggled and sometimes didn’t make it through. I can understand that. However, I will add that perhaps it was the impatient folks that struggled most. The one’s that wanted it over quickly, in addition to those that were hopeful about the outcome.

Think about your expectations and sprinkle some patience in there. The 1918 Pandemic lasted 2 years. It doesn’t mean this one will be difficult for some or all of that time though. So stay positive, and patient, and be ready to overcome whatever comes your way.

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Life Is A Game Of Inches And Millimetres

Posted on June 14, 2020

The Universe is enormous. It is 93 billion light years across and contains two trillion galaxies. Yet, life is a game of inches and millimetres.

We can stand in awe at the size of the Universe. It is equally mind bending to consider tiny differences and how they impact our lives. These small measurements, about the width of your thumb (inch) or width of your baby fingernail (10 millimetres) probably have a disproportionate impact on our lives.

We can see this in sport. Whether it is via the line judge in tennis, a missed shot in snooker, a nine-dart finish or a hole in one, we see how tiny differences can change the outcome.

Additionally we can see this with faces. I hadn’t thought much about this until one day I watched a video with Tony Robbins noting how symmetrical faces were. He continued by mentioning how we can pick up on almost imperceptible differences. We notice something, whether we can articulate it or not. Think about when you see a picture hanging on the wall and immediately you know if it is not symmetrical.

The more accurate you can be, the more likely you will have success. And sometimes it can be a fortunate millimetre or two that makes the difference.

Life is a game of inches and millimetres.

Get better at the refined detail and you will succeed more often.

Observe Think About It Time

Where Do We Go From Here?

Posted on June 12, 2020

I had a wonderful conversation with my 11 year old son Thursday night. ‘Where do we go from here?’, seemed to be the overriding theme.

It started after hearing a Patrick Bet-David video where he was saying he wouldn’t allow any excuse to stop him from succeeding. After discussing his words, and our view of his intent, we moved on to the current situation with the statues. After discussing many of the different positions people hold on this topic, we ended it wondering where things will go next.

From there we landed on the subject of Buddhism and the after life possibilities. Where do we go from here, if anywhere? We covered the ‘dead is dead and nothing happens’ perspective. The Heaven and Hell option was then considered. Then we went back to the Buddhist views and wandered around reincarnation for a bit.

Although he would love to know what’s next, he assured me he is not in a hurry to find out.

I left him with the following suggestions while he considers the many different points of view on the subject. Live the longest, happiest, most enjoyable life you can, just in case dead means dead.

Also, be kind to others and generally be good while doing all that enjoyment. Not only is it the right thing to do, it is good karma and should keep him out of the too hot to handle place should that be one of two possible destinations.

Finally, that good karma might help a little should reincarnation be the next level in this video game.

Wherever we go on any of the topics we covered, it is sure to be a fascinating ride.

Gratitude Observe

Where Do You Get Your Greatest Joy?

Posted on June 7, 2020

This can be a tough question to answer. Though for others, ‘Where do you get your greatest joy?’ is very easy to answer. Either way, it’s a great time to get the answer(s) clear in your head. Your life depends on it.

There are several different ways to answer. It depends on who is asking, what I am thinking about at the time, what the context is and where I am.

For example, if my friend asked me the question while we were having a brilliant day on the golf course, and I had just sank an incredible put, I might say, ‘Playing sport in the fresh air with my mates’.

However, if my boss was asking me during a discussion about my promotion potential, while we were at work, I might answer, ‘Pitching for new clients’.

Context is so important. Although, so are environmental factors, what’s on your mind in that moment and what memories or visions come to mind.

Recently, my greatest joy has come from warm days, great weather, morning jogs and time with my family. Fortunately, I have been able to have all of these, most days, for the past few months. For this, I am very grateful.

Where do you get your greatest joy?

Food, friendship, tv, sport, exercise, kids, partner, toys, puzzles, work, family, other?

Be clear on the greatest joy you have in your life and be grateful for it. Things shift, time passes, changes happen and those moments will be memories. Enjoy them while they are here.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

This Is Not A Good Time

Posted on June 5, 2020

“I don’t have time for this.” “This is terrible timing.” “Oh my, this is not a good time for this.” Some of the things we say are so true and yet so funny. Is there ever a brilliant time to have a bad thing happen?

A friend and I were chatting and when he said it, it struck us as funny. Just when is a good time for something unpleasant to happen? If you were going to have a minor disaster, what day and time would you pencil it in? Is this coming Tuesday at 2:55pm good for you?

We felt a little odd just thinking about planning in something negative. It felt wrong. Few people would want to lose their phone, get a flat tyre, or catch a contagious disease at the best of times. So why would less than good times be any different?

If you could plan in a little disaster or challenge to your life, then why not now? If you’re in decent health, with a sound mind and a few paper bills in your pocket, maybe this is a good time. Having something bad happen when you are not at, or near, your best, would be harder.

Sometimes we just need to count our blessings. Even when things stop going well, this could still be a better moment for it than any other.

You’ll never know how much you can handle, until you are required to handle it. You will be fascinated by the way it turns out. It’s often better than we expect.

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I Am Trying To Understand You

Posted on June 1, 2020

Do you listen to understand or do you just want to tell people what you think? I am trying to understand you. However, it takes patience and sometimes the ability to hold two different, and maybe even uncomfortable, thoughts in my mind at the same time.

If I am listening to you, I will need you to be clear about what you’re trying to say. There are so many word and sentence combinations. Could your words be interpreted in any other way?

Word selection, sentence structure and communication are all skills worth enhancing. These skills can be learned, practiced, improved upon and developed to an exceptional standard.

To improve, it requires the communicator to pause and reflect on what they wish to say. They then should select the best words, in the best order, to convey the desired message.

In addition, communication can work even better if the speaker/writer first thinks about what they wish to be said. If there are a number of ideas understood, often the best response is a clarifying question. With this in mind, I have, at times, responded to a question that wasn’t actually asked.

Become more aware of what is being communicated. Listen with intent to understand. Practice thinking and reflecting more. Before responding, get precise in your mind.

Most people want the same things. However, miscommunication, poorly worded questions and reactive responses can make everything seem far more difficult.

I want to make comments that progress a conversation or situation. Merely prolonging it is not usually an optimal, or enjoyable, use of time.

In order for the world to work better, I am trying to understand you. Do you understand what I mean?

Observe Think About It

Who Is Your Oracle, Guide Or Core Five?

Posted on May 20, 2020

Do you know who the greatest influencers are in your life? Who is your oracle, guide or core five and what impact are they having on your life?

Of course, when you are very young, the answer is whoever raised you. You don’t have a lot of say in the matter. This is predetermined for you and can evolve depending on the social structure surrounding you.

However, when you are a teen, you can influence the decision of who you would like to follow or listen to. Certainly, once you are in your 20’s you get to make all the choices, at least for most people.

So if you are reading this post, you are probably of an age that you can decide who to follow. It is worth taking the time to write down who you listen to, watch and read on a daily basis. Note which newspaper you read and the specific journalists too. Which people do you gravitate to at work, at home and on your commute (current or old one).

Make a note next to the sources about how they make you feel. For example, some sources of information may make you cross, inspired, determined or calm. Get clear on what you get from following them. And what you are not getting. Would you like more or better?

If you want to see into your future, be clear on who is your oracle, guide or core five. At that point, you will be better able to decide if these are your desired tribes and if this is a track you want to continue on.

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People Tend To Generalise Based On Their Tribe

Posted on May 18, 2020

Humans love grouping and using shortcut language to simplify communication. In addition, people tend to generalise based on their tribe.

If you pay attention to conversations, you can hear this occurring. For example, when I am with friends with university degrees, I often hear them refer to ‘everyone’. This is usually in reference to everyone having a degree. I often find myself reminding them that less than half of the population, in any country, have a university degree.

The challenge is, if most people you know have a university degree, you extrapolate and assume everyone has one. This is a common occurrence and highlights the old phrase that ‘birds of a feather, flock together’.

You’ll often find that teachers know disproportionately more teachers. Same thing with electricians, rugby players, actors and politicians.

It is a natural occurrence for many reasons. However, because people tend to generalise based on their tribe, we should all be a little more aware of this before we communicate.

It is quite a skill to communicate across tribes. Tribes have different norms, culture and reference points. This is clear when noting which media people tune into. Of course, this is also why people clash over certain topics and always have.

Tribes will always be at odds with each other. Unless people (you, me) stop, think and explore to understand the other, it will continue on this way. Notice the tribes you are in and see if you can make bridges with other ones.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

Be The Person With Uncommon Sense

Posted on May 13, 2020

It’s easy to criticise. As nothing is perfect, there is always at least one fault. So be the person with uncommon sense, that can understand the general point.

Trying to find the cracks in a statement and exploiting them to cause ill will, is not good for your soul or mindset.

It is far better to be the person that can accept some ambiguity, shrug at some irony, take some decisions and get on with it. To act like a responsible, understanding and humble adult is attractive.

The grey line is probably in comedy. Though this can usually be resolved by considering if you are laughing with the person or at the person.

If you’re not sure and you need a second opinion, check if your intent is to make someone else look bad, silly, or incapable. If that is your true, underlying intent, then please stop. It says a lot more about you, how you see the world and what kind of person you are, than it does about them.

Be the person with uncommon sense. While you are at it, go for uncommon courtesy, empathy and thoughtfulness. Be the rare gem of a person who models great characteristics. We will never be perfect, but excellence is a great standard to aim for.

And for all of us still trying to do better and be better, if we slip up, be the person with uncommon sense and take it easy on the criticism. There is an old saying in there that reminds me of Billy Joel’s album ’Glass Houses’.

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Track Your Progress And Review It

Posted on May 11, 2020

Having a goal and moving toward it is great. Even more so when you are making progress. Similarly, it is quite important to track your progress and review it.

When things are going well it makes you feel good seeing the progress. More importantly, perhaps, is seeing where and when you are not making progress. If you are looking to understand why you aren’t getting the results you wanted, this daily tracking and review can be quite instructive.

Several years ago I wanted to tone up and that meant dropping about 20 pounds. I had never paid attention to my weight prior to that as I had always been quite active and had a reasonably healthy diet.

It was a fascinating game of figuring out what worked and what didn’t. I was in a hurry as I didn’t want to spend 6 months, or more, on this project.

I had my views on what worked and didn’t. At the start, I read some books to get a broader perspective and see what else I could learn. After all, slimming is 99% in the head.

I simply had to move more and eat less. Keeping yourself in a calorie deficit can be a challenge. Like so many things though, once you get into it, it seems easier than you had expected. Gamifying the whole process also helped to work wonders.

When you track your progress and review it, you get into the detail. You understand the nuance and how to get the winning edge. This tracking and review doesn’t make it easier, but you can understand how to get the results quicker. I really enjoyed that part of the whole process.

You can, and should, do this with all of your goals, not just weight-related. Tracking takes a little bit more effort, but the payoff is excellent. Good luck!!