Reframe your thoughts Archives - Page 102 of 110

Parenting Predicts People’s Personality

Posted on August 2, 2020

If you would like to know how someone will be in 20 or 40 years, look at their parents. Parenting predicts people’s personality so the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Whether we like it or not, parenting is a glimpse into the past and the future. If you would like to see how your future partner might be, observe their parents. If you are curious about what your kids might be like when they grow up, look very closely at your personality and what you model in front of them.

Observe your parents more, if you want to really start understanding yourself. Listen to their words, focus and challenges. Review your life and see which personality traits are more like your Mom‘s or your Dad‘s. Are they their good traits or the one’s you are not so fond of?

Sometimes it’s easier to see your own traits (especially any negative ones) in someone else first.

If you are not fond of any of the traits you’ve picked up over the years, you can change them. It’s rarely easy but always possible. Best time to train your brain out of some of those habits is before you have children. Second best time to do it is right now.

If parenting predicts people’s personality, assess yours today and make any desired changes now.

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Everything Starts With A Decision

Posted on August 1, 2020

If you want your life to be different, you need to check off a few decisions. You know which ones. Everything starts with a decision so it’s time to get started.

What decisions have you been putting off? Let’s get into those topics and understand them better. You may even discover a few helpful things about yourself in the process.

Are you avoiding a decision? Have you said you would think about it and then promptly ignored it? What is it that is holding you back from making the decision and diving in?

Someone has to make a decision and if you don’t, someone else will. Don’t wait until the choice is no longer yours. Get determined. Become selfish, in a good way, by putting your needs ahead of all the other people and ideas rolling around in your head.

Stand up straight. Say what you want. Make the decision to go for it. Commit to it and move forward by taking the very next step right now. It will feel so good! It may be a little scary, uncomfortable or anxiety-inducing. However, remain calm and keep going.

Everything starts with a decision. Start making a few and get on with your new life today.

Do it now!

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Becoming A Billionaire

Posted on July 30, 2020

Now, you may be the type that is curious as to how to do it or seething that becoming a billionaire is even allowed. Either way, or somewhere in between, it seems everyone has a view on billionaires.

Your reaction to the idea of a billionaire will say a lot about you and your relationship with money. That may or may not be a good thing. You will have to think it through. Be brutally honest about how money makes you feel.

There are generally two roads you can take if you are intent on becoming a billionaire. The first is to have the money given to you. This can be from inheritance, divorce, donation, charity or a very good friend. Alternatively, you can earn the money through providing a product or service for a very large number of people (c. 87% of billionaires).

Bill Gates sold software. Many estimates suggest that there are over one billion PC’s running a version of Windows. If it cost $100 each to have that software on the PC’s, the company’s revenues would be $100 billion from that one software alone. Not only has he provided a valuable service to many people, hundreds of thousands of people have earned their livelihood with his company.

I’ve willingly given more than $100 to Microsoft, from which Mr Gates has benefitted. It has definitely been worth it and then some.

Reframe your thoughts

An Ad Hominem Reply

Posted on July 28, 2020

If you are going to have a discussion, the focus should be on the content. Unfortunately far too many people today use an ad hominem reply. That is to say, they attack the character of the person rather than try to understand or discuss the other person’s point of view.

Unfortunately this is a weak debating tool or tactic. It may be effective in the immediate term but it rarely advances any cause.

When someone uses an ad hominem reply, I tend to think less of that person. I will also give extra weight to the other person’s perspective. By sticking to the detail of the discussion point, the focused debater sounds more intelligent and becomes more persuasive.

Not everyone sees it that way.

Sometimes people will ‘pile on’ and cheer the negative personal attacks. They may even add their own insult or character challenge.

One may feel better in the moment for attacking someone this way but it is not helping to further discussions. Be mindful not to fall into this trap.

You are better than this.

If you do not agree with someone’s opinion, you can try to understand it by asking curious questions, not sarcastic ones. You can also simply let them have their opinion. Finally, you could politely explain why you hold a different opinion and then leave it there.

Action Reframe your thoughts

Selective Memory

Posted on July 24, 2020

It is fascinating what we can remember and what we can forget. Having selective memory can be both an advantage and a disadvantage. But if you train your mind, you can make it work better for you.

Women can use selective memory to forget the pain of child birth. I have met several women who said they would not have a second child after the physical pain of the first. However, in some cases, there were more children after that. This is one of the advantages of selective memory. At least it has been for the continuation of the human race.

We can also use this concept to fondly remember ‘the good ole days’. This means we remember the great and good things in our past and tend to forget all the little painful incidents. We remember winning the match but not so much the pain we felt during or after. We remember the graduation but not the mind numbing hours of studying required to obtain the marks for it.

However, we can select poorer memories if we wish. We might focus on unhappy or unhelpful instances. Most people will have a variety of moments they should forget. Especially if it was something they did which didn’t go well.

We should not dwell on our own or other people’s shortcomings or bad moments.

We can use this selective memory power for good. Do not use this to beat ourselves up over something. Nor should we chastise others.

Financial Health & Fitness Reframe your thoughts Weight loss

Becoming One Of Them

Posted on July 21, 2020

If you have been trying to change something in your life, without success, check your perceptions. The ‘becoming one of them’ way of thinking might be holding you back.

We all have certain perceptions, stereotypes or biases about things and people. Some of these are very mild and some awaken deep feelings in us.

Some examples where perceptions can be stronger could be; how you see parenthood, a university degree, body weight, a political party, wealth or being organised.

These examples, or others, may not elicit any strong emotion in you. Though some people will have a noticeable level of tension around a few of these subjects.

This tension is good to be aware of and explore. It often comes out in the language used when discussing the topic. Some common phrases are; the wealthy are greedy or being organised is boring.

I’ve been researching and thinking a lot about this movement between tribes and the challenges people encounter. After discussing it with a friend on our run this morning, I heard this episode (#950) of the Quote Of The Day show. It’s a great podcast and this episode was timely.

Although Lisa Jimenez is talking about millionaires, I believe that the ‘becoming one of them‘ thinking applies to most changes a person would like to make.

Remember, say good things about the tribe you’re trying to become a part of. When you don’t, your mind won’t let you join them and have their benefits.

Action Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts

What You Focus On Grows

Posted on July 19, 2020

If you want to become great at something or develop a skill, you need to focus on it. What you focus on grows and what you ignore, doesn’t grow.

Back to the farm days for a moment to make this clear. If you focus on planting seeds and tending to the weeds, you’ll be able to grow crops. If you focus on the back porch, the rocking chair and a cold beer, you may not have any crops in the autumn.

Fans of Star Wars have also witnessed how your mind can shift depending on what you focus on. We saw this with Anakin Skywalker when he focused on being the best Jedi. However, after the sad situation with his mother, he began to focus on hate, anger and revenge. This grew inside him until it consumed him, which didn’t turn out well.

Thankfully we can stay in the light by focusing on pleasant things. It really is your choice. Though as we know, it requires effort, patience and time.

Focus on your accomplishments and the success you see in your future. Write these out and review them daily. Add to them whenever you can as well. Remove anything from your day that makes you start to feel negative, whether it is news, specific conversations or situations.

What you focus on grows. Make sure you are building a better you each day.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

The Glass Is Half Full

Posted on July 16, 2020

The glass has 250 ml of water in it. That is the fact. Your interpretation of the situation could lead you to say that the glass is half full. Or you could announce that the glass is half empty.

Many studies have been made of this simple exercise. In addition to scientific research, many people have tried to elicit people’s opinions at home or in a pub.

Many people believe your answer gives insight as to whether you perceive things in a more optimistic or pessimistic way. Another way to look at it is whether a person has an abundance mindset or a scarcity mindset.

Either way, unless you describe it as 250 ml of water or that the water is at about the halfway mark, then you are using your opinion. And that opinion can be rather revealing

Though having a negative bias or positive bias on such an insignificant matter, probably isn’t going to change your life. However, this minor bias can start to be the way you see more things.

This bias can develop into a positive cycle of abundance and appreciation or a negative cycle of scarcity and criticism. The shift is so subtle at first. Most people will not notice it. But as your bias continues to strengthen, you and others may start to pick up on the focus.

Your glass may never be filled to the top.

So when the glass is half full, enjoy it!

Progress Reframe your thoughts

Someone Must Be First

Posted on July 15, 2020

Sometimes it is exciting to be first. In other circumstances it can bring fear. Regardless of how it feels, eventually someone must be first.

Some people seem to love to go first while others shy away. The circumstances are often a factor too. Almost everyone likes to be first in the queue for ice cream or their favourite food. Very few people are itching to go first when its time to give a 5 minute speech.

Some people become inspiring firsts, like Rosa Parks or Neil Armstrong. They lead the way and make it easier for the next person to see themselves in that position.

Where can you be first and make progress in your life or for society?

This morning, I was saddened to read about a young person’s reluctance to be first. The person said they wanted a career in a certain field. The problem, in their eyes, was that there was no one else like them when they were networking and attending events. So rather than decide to be the first one, they chose to withdraw from the career that interested them.

Someone must be first. And it was their chance to be the trailblazer and the inspiration. Their life would be different. Others would have followed. They would not have been ‘the only one’ for long.

Be brave. See the opportunity. Be the trailblazer.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

It’s An Opinion

Posted on July 13, 2020

We can get fairly worked up over an opinion. A long time ago, I can remember vigorously debating with friends. It’s an opinion, became my overriding thought. I don’t need to change theirs. It doesn’t change the reality.

What is useful is to understand their opinion. A person usually holds a different opinion because they have either received information in a different way to you or they have had a personal experience.

Their opinion is valid. It can take people a very long time to change their perspective and their opinion – ask Copernicus. There are many barriers. Not least of which is being an outcast from one of their dominant tribes.

Try to discover more about their opinion.

Stop and listen. Both sides. See what specific, periphery ideas you can agree on. Note those. Then progress to other common ground. Discover what specific item is you are disagreeing on. Are there any facts you could search the internet for? Are there interviews, podcasts or videos outlining the idea from various perspectives? Is there someone who may be more eloquent with respect to this topic? A third party may reduce the tension and emotion.

Your opinion is simply an opinion based on what you are aware of at the time.

For example, it used to be conventional wisdom that Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ the ‘New World’. For people who had never heard of this land mass before, Chris discovered it. But for the people who lived there, he was a visitor at best.

He didn’t create that new land mass. He went looking for something new and found it. A bit like someone looking for your wallet and jokingly calling out ‘finders keepers‘ when their hand is in your pocket.

When it’s an opinion, let it go calmly.