Reframe your thoughts Archives - Page 109 of 110

Become More Aware, And The Better You’ll Fare

Posted on February 20, 2020

Are you doing the best that you can? Is life as good as you know how to make it? Could you make it better – if you knew a little more?

Of course!

Think of it this way. When you were little, and in primary school, you had loads of potential. However, you could only operate up to the level of knowledge and understanding you had – primary school level. You had the potential to do secondary school work but you didn’t even know what the lessons would be about at that point.

Same thing as right now in your life. I’m certain you have the potential to do better at your job, your studies, your sports, health and fitness and your relationships. But, you are only working at your current level of knowledge and understanding in each area.

You could fumble around for years trying to use your own experience of trial and error to get some better results. Or, you could seek out something to read or watch or someone to speak to. Or all three!

Everything there is to know in the world today is on the internet. You can find anything you may want or need with some general questions typed into Google or asked of Alexa or Siri.

Start improving now. Shift your knowledge, understanding and mindset just a little bit more each day. By June, you’ll be surprised by how much progress you’ll have made.

Go online, to the library or the bookstore, and find one more trick, helpful hint, piece of advice or idea and implement it straight away. Do this daily and your skills and talents will start to grow exponentially. So will your confidence. Then soon after that, your bank account.

You have the power to improve yourself.

Use it!

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Check Your Intent

Posted on February 18, 2020

Are you trying to help someone improve, or are you looking for a pat on the back, for being empathetic or interested?

When you argue/debate/converse, are you trying to “win” and prove your perception is “right” and that it is the only possible perception, reality or opinion? Or are you seeking to understand what the other person is trying to express? I say ’trying’ as sometimes, under pressure, or if the question gets them thinking, a person may be quickly trying to express something, but not very well. Some people will pick up on the less-well-articulated thought and attack the words rather than the intent of the person uttering them. This is unfortunate.

We need to #BeKinder and allow people to find the better words to express their thoughts. This is why we should check our intent. Frequently. We can immediately change the tone of a conversation by adjusting our own intent.

The closer you listen to someone, the more you will learn about them. Some people are a bit sloppy in their word selection. Others have fewer learned words to select from. Listen carefully to people today. Measure their words against their deeds and the intent you believe you are observing. It’s fascinating. Did your waiter really mean, “Have a nice day”? (On a scale of 1-10)

Sometimes we can hurt people’s feelings with our words unintentionally. This is an accident. However, it can seem quite clear sometimes, what someone’s intent is. Sometimes it seems clear their intent is unkind.

Fellow Canadian, Jordan B Peterson, was interviewed on Channel 4 News a couple of years ago. See the video below – it has been viewed 19 million times. It has some topical subjects and is a good case study on intent. What is his and what is hers during the show?

Spoiler: I felt Jordan’s intent was to try to give a thought-through perspective to help the audience get a better understanding of the detail involved in the topics. It felt like Cathy’s intent was to try to provoke or discredit Jordan and show him in a bad light.

What do you think the intent is for both parties involved? You can leave your comment below by adding your thoughts under “Your Thinking…”. (If it is not directly below these words, click on the title of this post (at the top of the page) and it will take you to the comment area).

Action Goals, Results & New Thinking Progress Reframe your thoughts

You Can Turn This Around

Posted on February 17, 2020

It’s not hopeless. It doesn’t need to be forever. There are always options. Good ones even. You can re-build or re-start from scratch. There’s a lot of awesome out there!

First you need to want something different. Ideally you can picture it in your mind, feel it in your bones and then describe it on paper. If you can’t find the time, or make the effort, to write it down, in a few bullet points, consider re-assessing if it is simply a wish rather than a goal.

If you’ve done the writing and are ready to go, then make a short little plan including the very next three simple steps you think you need to take to inch yourself closer to that goal. Call someone. Find an answer. Buy or borrow a book about it. It will then seem a little easier and you’ll feel like you’re on your way. Because technically, you are! (Cue the Quote: A journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step…)

Do these three steps as quick as you can. Do one now. Then the other two. You will feel good for starting.

You don’t have to do these steps and you don’t have to change anything. But if you want to change something, you really should get on with it: the clock’s ticking. If you don’t have anything in your life you would like to change or improve, you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming…

Action Observe Reframe your thoughts

Is Fire Good Or Bad?

Posted on February 13, 2020

If your house burned down when you were young, your perception of fire could be skewed to the bad side. If having a fire kept you warm in your home every winter, and you lived in Canada, you might think fire is good or even great.

This is based on a sample size of one example for each. Not a strong case, as we’ve explored in a previous post.

If we learned that the house fire allowed the family to build a beautiful new home, their view of fire could be tempered somewhat. If the latter person, who was building the warming fires in winter, burnt their hands frequently in the process, they may be a little less positive about the subject.

Fire isn’t inherently good or bad. It can be good for some people, some of the time, and not so good for others at other times. Labelling it good or bad based on one moment in time, or on one example, doesn’t take into account all of what it has done.

Perceptions are made. Perceptions can change. Perceptions are frequently based on a sample size of one. This can ignore all the good, or the bad, that has come before.

Remember to challenge your perceptions today. When you are on automatic mode, stop and think if what you are thinking or saying is always true. You will find more harmony in your life as you add this into your days ahead.

Financial Observe Reframe your thoughts

Money Mindset

Posted on February 12, 2020

It is fascinating to observe how differently people engage with the topic of money. As with most things, it is a learned behaviour, usually from parents, extended family, family friends and primary school.

As with other habits and patterns of thinking, a person, with a little curiosity, an open mind and a growth mindset, can change their views and relationship with money to improve all things money related in their life.

They will, of course, have to do their own pushups on this one. Though there are loads of useful resources to help with a money mindset transformation. T Harv Eker and Jen Sincero have good and enjoyable books on the topic to get people started.

My challenge to you today is to think about your money mantras for a few minutes. Figure out your earliest memory of those mantras, as well as who said them or reinforced them, and then consider how they might just be impacting your life. Hint: It may not be in a good way.

Here are a few common phrases to get you started:

Money is bad (it is not good or bad, it’s just a thing),
Money is the root of all evil (Is it? Or is it just a medium of exchange? Is your paycheck evil? Besides, the phrase is often misquoted from 1Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. – Here it seems to be referring to greed or avarice – one of the seven deadly sins – whereby greed is an intense and selfish desire.
We can’t afford it (Try asking, ‘How could we afford it, or something similar?’ – It’s much more empowering)
Rich people are jerks (or crooks). (Now some may be, and some won’t be. There’s no point being richist. Is your commentary based on a sample size of one? Are you just parroting what the journalist/paper wants you to think?

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Aware

Posted on February 9, 2020

I like to think of people as being aware or not aware of something.

When a person is born, they are not aware of much. They then start becoming aware of things such as their senses and information. Given the amount of general and detailed information available to become aware of on earth, people are often unaware of most things (relative to all things).

Becoming aware can be a factor of age, situation, geography or interest, amongst other routes. For example, most people won’t become aware of the idea of 8 x 8 until they are about 7 years old. The majority of people won’t be aware of the daily routine of a type 1 diabetic, unless they become one, or are very close to someone who has. Additionally, if you grew up in England, especially as a fan of football, you would probably be aware of the significance of 1966. If you grew up in Canada, and followed baseball, probably much less so.

Generally speaking you can become aware of anything, either intentionally or not. But with so many millions of pieces of information available to be aware of, and millions more created every day, we should go a little easy on people who are not aware of the things that we are. Just because a person doesn’t know something about a topic dear to you, doesn’t make them wholly uneducated or ignorant. They are simply unaware of that particular thing.

For today, try not to judge people based on what they are aware of, but rather, kindly and pleasantly, make them aware of the information you feel is important and assess their response to it.

Action Progress Reframe your thoughts

Positive And Enthusiastic

Posted on February 8, 2020

“Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I have loved this quote since I first read it in my early 20’s.

It really struck me as a great philosophy for life and really aligned with how I tried to be. I think about it frequently and try to live this way daily. Some days to a greater degree than others.

A person could say that life has so many challenges and hardships that it would be hard to be positive and enthusiastic. This would ring true if you looked at life from that perspective. Believing you will encounter countless difficult situations in life, however, is all the more reason to be positive and enthusiastic now.

Reasons to be positive and enthusiastic:

Firstly, to keep your own spirits up in the face of challenges and hardships. Secondly, when you appreciate the trillions to one odds of being born. Thirdly, to be a role model to your children, family and friends. Finally, to help lift people up that are going through tough challenges and hardships at this time.

Imagine a world where most people were trying to become the most positive and enthusiastic person they knew. What might that feel like?

If you would like to be a little more positive and enthusiastic, print out, or write out this quote a few times and put it somewhere you will see it throughout your day. You could place this on your dresser, bathroom mirror, dashboard of the car or on your desk where you work. Hopefully it will make you smile each time you see it or think of it. I certainly do.

Then you just need to practice being positive and enthusiastic. Say and do things that will add positively to your relationships today. Say and do things that demonstrate your enthusiasm for your situation and the people around you. It can be a lot of fun, if you let it.

Enjoy!

Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Judging Me Too

Posted on February 6, 2020

A build on yesterday’s post about judging. The opening line was, “It’s something most people do to others”. I should have added, “and ourselves too.” because we know we are frequently our own harshest critic. We take the worst comments people have said about us and absorb those as reality rather than dismissing them as the outliers that they really are.

Use the bell curve, for all comments, to asses where on that spectrum you might realistically be and hold that as your minimum truth. Your mother might think you are amazing so that is an outlier at the one end of the spectrum and your worst critic might say the harshest things, creating an outlier at the other end of the spectrum. Then most of the other people are generally in the middle. Use their commentary on you: Not the worst critic.

Criticising is similar to assessing, though they tend to be the negative and positive word for the action. Then you judge and lock in a conclusion. So be super careful which area on the spectrum you lock in your own judgement. This is not a time to be self-deprecating or shy or to play down anything. This is you, talking to you, and about to pass judgement on yourself. You’ve heard from the various witnesses and you’ve weighed up their comments, within the context they were given, and now it is your turn to assess whether you lock away your potential for a lifetime sentence or if you can see the greatness in you, beyond a reasonable doubt.

If your past has not been well constructed, in the context of all people that have ever lived (not just the saints), then you can start again with a restart. If it has been fairly normal with a mix of good and less than great, you can make things better from this moment. But give yourself a break today. Judge the Whole You, over your lifetime, and not just a few silly mistakes.

You deserve the best mind coach in the world. Start with the one inside you already.

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Stories We Tell Ourselves

Posted on February 4, 2020

Stories are often easier to remember than just the facts on their own. Additionally, stories tend to have more depth and nuance than facts, so they tend to invoke specific feelings. Stories can also be embellished, intentionally or unknowingly. With stories, we can highlight different elements depending on our mood, our audience or our intent.

A simple example of this is how you describe the big party you attended Saturday night. It is usually a little differently highlighted when retelling it to your friends rather then your boss or mother-in-law.

Stories are also personal. Those that strike a chord with us are more easily remembered. Given that decisions are based on emotions first, and personal stories are in our lives because they invoke an emotion, we probably allow stories too much influence over many of our own decisions in life.

“I would do that, but I am not smart enough.” “I have always struggled with my weight.” “My mother always said I was like that.” “I won’t go for that promotion because my teacher said I wasn’t very good at public speaking.” “I’m too old.”

These are all examples of the type of stories that hold people back from achieving their personal potential.

However, as with a tv (or website), we can change the channel and thereby the story that it is playing. Although we can choose to stay on this channel, while we believe and live out the current stories we tell ourselves, we can also choose to change the channel and change the stories we tell ourselves. You always have a choice.

Listen closely to those unhelpful stories that swirl in your head and are too readily voiced.

Then, create new, more empowering, and exciting stories for your life. And repeat.

Go on. Change the channel.

Progress Reframe your thoughts

Restarts

Posted on February 3, 2020

Sometimes we drop the ball. It happens to everyone. We’re going along nicely with our skill or habit and then boom, we lose it. People always fall off course, either from something they do themselves or because of some event that affects them.

The secret is in quickly restarting. Don’t wait a day or two until you feel like restarting or trying again. Don’t let the pressure or guilt get to you.

When you fall off a bike, you get back on it quickly and try again. Same with diets. If you have something to eat that wasn’t going to help you reach your ultimate goal, don’t say, “I’ll start next week”. Or tomorrow. Say, I made a mistake but my goal is important and I am getting back on track right now,

James Clear, author of the NYT bestselling book Atomic Habits, says it quite simply, “Never miss twice”. So you can miss a habit once and that’s just life. But if you miss twice, you’re actually starting a new habit. And it doesn’t sound like a good habit either.

I’ve talked about getting started with Start Me Up, being clear on The Finish Line, and now how to Restart. These are three cornerstone components to building great habits.

Remember, never miss twice, and restart immediately.