Reframe your thoughts Archives - Page 139 of 148

Breaking Free Of Yourself And Others

Posted on August 6, 2020

Recently I wrote about holding ourselves back by not, ‘becoming one of them’. Our tribes don’t want that either. Breaking free of yourself and others is critical but also quite difficult.

You may have heard of ‘Crab Mentality’ or ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ or ‘Law of Jante’. These are all quite similar. They refer to a certain cultural phenomenon around the world. It’s called different things in different countries. Click on the coloured text above to find out more.

Essentially, people don’t like others leaving their group. They certainly get more anxious if the person leaving is joining a better group from their perspective. People tend to have a difficulty with this.

Sometimes it is as simple as they like you and don’t want to see you less. But sometimes it can be more sinister than that. Sometimes people can be spiteful because they don’t want you to get ahead of them in life. This seems to be particularly true when it comes to others succeeding in a career or earning more money.

Certainly try not to be the type of person to hold onto others in your group. This is important if they are doing better for themselves. Congratulate them and wish them well. Karma will then be on your side.

Breaking free of yourself and others is not easy. And if someone tries to hold you back? Run away!

Action Reframe your thoughts

Let Children Be Bored

Posted on August 5, 2020

For many, this might seem counter-intuitive. What about planning and preparing their whole day? If you let children be bored, they will come out the other side of it with a new perspective.

Yes, there may be some whining or complaining for a little bit. However, they will get through that phase and you will too. Be patient.

Children that are bored eventually find something to do. This is often helped if you give some casual suggestions like, ‘read a book‘, ‘build a website‘, or ‘fold these clothes’.

The sooner they learn how to figure out ‘what’s next?’, the sooner they will further develop their independence. Sure there may be some tense moments as you both work through the uncertain and uncomfortable challenges. Though the beauty is on the other side of the chrysalis.

Often, when we are bored, we find out what we really enjoy doing. We will also appreciate things a lot more. We pull out books, toys, and games that we forgot we had. Kids will find the magic that they had forgotten. In addition, they have the satisfaction of setting their own agenda.

So if you want to see greater confidence and independence in your child, let them be bored. You will appreciate it someday and so will your kids.

Action Reframe your thoughts

Never Miss A Day

Posted on August 3, 2020

So you really want to change your life. Well today will be the day that turns your whole life around. Today you will decide, commit and never miss a day.

That’s the secret to success.

You can make it more complicated. Sure there are many, many other factors you could consider. You could note the leader of the day isn’t your cup of tea. A person could cite transnational agreements and changes in the local laws.

However, it comes down to reasons or results.

Which one will you focus on? I suggest you spend your time planting seeds and taking care of them every day. Do everything the successful growers of those seeds say to do. You can listen to people with opinions and no results, if you wish. But don’t be surprised if you get similar results.

Maybe you want to run faster, lose weight, inhale only air, start a business, get a promotion or change jobs. If so, you need to decide and commit to it. You need to plan out the days, weeks and months ahead. Have a vision and a plan. Then take action and the results will appear.

Then you will need to execute and never miss a day!

207 daily blog posts in a row and I have not missed a day yet. Share this post with someone who is committed, likes thinking or is making changes in their life.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

Parenting Predicts People’s Personality

Posted on August 2, 2020

If you would like to know how someone will be in 20 or 40 years, look at their parents. Parenting predicts people’s personality so the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Whether we like it or not, parenting is a glimpse into the past and the future. If you would like to see how your future partner might be, observe their parents. If you are curious about what your kids might be like when they grow up, look very closely at your personality and what you model in front of them.

Observe your parents more, if you want to really start understanding yourself. Listen to their words, focus and challenges. Review your life and see which personality traits are more like your Mom‘s or your Dad‘s. Are they their good traits or the one’s you are not so fond of?

Sometimes it’s easier to see your own traits (especially any negative ones) in someone else first.

If you are not fond of any of the traits you’ve picked up over the years, you can change them. It’s rarely easy but always possible. Best time to train your brain out of some of those habits is before you have children. Second best time to do it is right now.

If parenting predicts people’s personality, assess yours today and make any desired changes now.

Action Reframe your thoughts Time

Everything Starts With A Decision

Posted on August 1, 2020

If you want your life to be different, you need to check off a few decisions. You know which ones. Everything starts with a decision so it’s time to get started.

What decisions have you been putting off? Let’s get into those topics and understand them better. You may even discover a few helpful things about yourself in the process.

Are you avoiding a decision? Have you said you would think about it and then promptly ignored it? What is it that is holding you back from making the decision and diving in?

Someone has to make a decision and if you don’t, someone else will. Don’t wait until the choice is no longer yours. Get determined. Become selfish, in a good way, by putting your needs ahead of all the other people and ideas rolling around in your head.

Stand up straight. Say what you want. Make the decision to go for it. Commit to it and move forward by taking the very next step right now. It will feel so good! It may be a little scary, uncomfortable or anxiety-inducing. However, remain calm and keep going.

Everything starts with a decision. Start making a few and get on with your new life today.

Do it now!

Action Financial Observe Reframe your thoughts

Becoming A Billionaire

Posted on July 30, 2020

Now, you may be the type that is curious as to how to do it or seething that becoming a billionaire is even allowed. Either way, or somewhere in between, it seems everyone has a view on billionaires.

Your reaction to the idea of a billionaire will say a lot about you and your relationship with money. That may or may not be a good thing. You will have to think it through. Be brutally honest about how money makes you feel.

There are generally two roads you can take if you are intent on becoming a billionaire. The first is to have the money given to you. This can be from inheritance, divorce, donation, charity or a very good friend. Alternatively, you can earn the money through providing a product or service for a very large number of people (c. 87% of billionaires).

Bill Gates sold software. Many estimates suggest that there are over one billion PC’s running a version of Windows. If it cost $100 each to have that software on the PC’s, the company’s revenues would be $100 billion from that one software alone. Not only has he provided a valuable service to many people, hundreds of thousands of people have earned their livelihood with his company.

I’ve willingly given more than $100 to Microsoft, from which Mr Gates has benefitted. It has definitely been worth it and then some.

Reframe your thoughts

An Ad Hominem Reply

Posted on July 28, 2020

If you are going to have a discussion, the focus should be on the content. Unfortunately far too many people today use an ad hominem reply. That is to say, they attack the character of the person rather than try to understand or discuss the other person’s point of view.

Unfortunately this is a weak debating tool or tactic. It may be effective in the immediate term but it rarely advances any cause.

When someone uses an ad hominem reply, I tend to think less of that person. I will also give extra weight to the other person’s perspective. By sticking to the detail of the discussion point, the focused debater sounds more intelligent and becomes more persuasive.

Not everyone sees it that way.

Sometimes people will ‘pile on’ and cheer the negative personal attacks. They may even add their own insult or character challenge.

One may feel better in the moment for attacking someone this way but it is not helping to further discussions. Be mindful not to fall into this trap.

You are better than this.

If you do not agree with someone’s opinion, you can try to understand it by asking curious questions, not sarcastic ones. You can also simply let them have their opinion. Finally, you could politely explain why you hold a different opinion and then leave it there.

Action Reframe your thoughts

Selective Memory

Posted on July 24, 2020

It is fascinating what we can remember and what we can forget. Having selective memory can be both an advantage and a disadvantage. But if you train your mind, you can make it work better for you.

Women can use selective memory to forget the pain of child birth. I have met several women who said they would not have a second child after the physical pain of the first. However, in some cases, there were more children after that. This is one of the advantages of selective memory. At least it has been for the continuation of the human race.

We can also use this concept to fondly remember ‘the good ole days’. This means we remember the great and good things in our past and tend to forget all the little painful incidents. We remember winning the match but not so much the pain we felt during or after. We remember the graduation but not the mind numbing hours of studying required to obtain the marks for it.

However, we can select poorer memories if we wish. We might focus on unhappy or unhelpful instances. Most people will have a variety of moments they should forget. Especially if it was something they did which didn’t go well.

We should not dwell on our own or other people’s shortcomings or bad moments.

We can use this selective memory power for good. Do not use this to beat ourselves up over something. Nor should we chastise others.

Financial Health & Fitness Reframe your thoughts Weight loss

Becoming One Of Them

Posted on July 21, 2020

If you have been trying to change something in your life, without success, check your perceptions. The ‘becoming one of them’ way of thinking might be holding you back.

We all have certain perceptions, stereotypes or biases about things and people. Some of these are very mild and some awaken deep feelings in us.

Some examples where perceptions can be stronger could be; how you see parenthood, a university degree, body weight, a political party, wealth or being organised.

These examples, or others, may not elicit any strong emotion in you. Though some people will have a noticeable level of tension around a few of these subjects.

This tension is good to be aware of and explore. It often comes out in the language used when discussing the topic. Some common phrases are; the wealthy are greedy or being organised is boring.

I’ve been researching and thinking a lot about this movement between tribes and the challenges people encounter. After discussing it with a friend on our run this morning, I heard this episode (#950) of the Quote Of The Day show. It’s a great podcast and this episode was timely.

Although Lisa Jimenez is talking about millionaires, I believe that the ‘becoming one of them‘ thinking applies to most changes a person would like to make.

Remember, say good things about the tribe you’re trying to become a part of. When you don’t, your mind won’t let you join them and have their benefits.

Action Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts

What You Focus On Grows

Posted on July 19, 2020

If you want to become great at something or develop a skill, you need to focus on it. What you focus on grows and what you ignore, doesn’t grow.

Back to the farm days for a moment to make this clear. If you focus on planting seeds and tending to the weeds, you’ll be able to grow crops. If you focus on the back porch, the rocking chair and a cold beer, you may not have any crops in the autumn.

Fans of Star Wars have also witnessed how your mind can shift depending on what you focus on. We saw this with Anakin Skywalker when he focused on being the best Jedi. However, after the sad situation with his mother, he began to focus on hate, anger and revenge. This grew inside him until it consumed him, which didn’t turn out well.

Thankfully we can stay in the light by focusing on pleasant things. It really is your choice. Though as we know, it requires effort, patience and time.

Focus on your accomplishments and the success you see in your future. Write these out and review them daily. Add to them whenever you can as well. Remove anything from your day that makes you start to feel negative, whether it is news, specific conversations or situations.

What you focus on grows. Make sure you are building a better you each day.