Reframe your thoughts Archives - Page 146 of 151

Few People Want To Experience Pain

Posted on May 15, 2020

Not many people enjoy pain. Most of us would prefer pleasure, luxury or comfort, if we had a choice. Few people want to experience pain and will avoid it if there is any way that they can.

Whether it is physical pain, like a twisted ankle, or mental discomfort or anguish from a difficult situation, many people would rather avoid it.

Certainly few people want to experience pain due to a reduction in their lifestyle, whether it is their financial position or social status. People work very hard to achieve their goals and would like to see their life on an upward trajectory at all times.

It is hard to accept a different situation in life where you feel you’ve taken a step back, or regressed, rather than progressed. My friend Jenny used to say, “No downgrade”.

The challenge is these new unusual times. Many people may end up suffering a small or large setback in their life over the coming 2-5 years. Nobody will want this but it may be a reality for many.

So it’s a good time to practice kindness, being patient and empathy. The Great Depression lasted 10 years and WWII lasted six years after that. Whatever we experience, keep a positive mindset. The severe challenges are unlikely to last 16 years, as it did for a previous generation. Though, even if they did, you may as well enjoy every moment, because whatever it is, is what we will have.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

Be The Person With Uncommon Sense

Posted on May 13, 2020

It’s easy to criticise. As nothing is perfect, there is always at least one fault. So be the person with uncommon sense, that can understand the general point.

Trying to find the cracks in a statement and exploiting them to cause ill will, is not good for your soul or mindset.

It is far better to be the person that can accept some ambiguity, shrug at some irony, take some decisions and get on with it. To act like a responsible, understanding and humble adult is attractive.

The grey line is probably in comedy. Though this can usually be resolved by considering if you are laughing with the person or at the person.

If you’re not sure and you need a second opinion, check if your intent is to make someone else look bad, silly, or incapable. If that is your true, underlying intent, then please stop. It says a lot more about you, how you see the world and what kind of person you are, than it does about them.

Be the person with uncommon sense. While you are at it, go for uncommon courtesy, empathy and thoughtfulness. Be the rare gem of a person who models great characteristics. We will never be perfect, but excellence is a great standard to aim for.

And for all of us still trying to do better and be better, if we slip up, be the person with uncommon sense and take it easy on the criticism. There is an old saying in there that reminds me of Billy Joel’s album ’Glass Houses’.

Reframe your thoughts

Keep A Positive Mind

Posted on May 12, 2020

It can be easy to let things slide a little. It’s simple to lose track and dwell a little on the negative. However, you must keep a positive mind throughout.

It seems easier to go downhill fast. It is certainly more effort to spiral up, with control and positive thoughts. Negative, dark thinking can be achieved very quickly if you don’t watch what you are doing.

One way to keep positive and happy is to not have any expectations. When you do think about the future, meet it with anticipation and curiosity. Guide your destiny but allow whatever arrives in your path to be there. Respond to it with a clear mind.

The anticipation you feel should find you full of wonder about what the next piece of the puzzle will be in your life. Curiosity helps keep the mind open to whatever it can be.

If you keep a positive mind, you will be best placed for the next thing that happens in your life. It can be the easiest and hardest thing to do. Though you should do it.

Do you remember Dr. Frasier Crane of the tv series Frasier? He would help people to be clear on their happy place. Then, when an event occurred that required a positive mindset, he would remind them to get to their happy place.

This is a great mindset trick that is particularly handy to have when life throws you a curveball.

Action Progress Reframe your thoughts

How Can I Do What I Want And Have A Different Life?

Posted on May 6, 2020

This is the unspoken question many people have in their subconscious when they are embarking on some change. How can I do what I want and have a different life? This idea, whether conscious or not, is certainly more likely to be felt if the activities for change are not something you want to do.

I want the new job, higher pay and fancier title. How do I get that without having to update my cv, look for a job, tell anyone, do more work than I am now or work any harder or have to learn new skills?

Can I please stay the way I am, with my habits and my own way of being? Can I do that and have everything else that I want? The short answer is no.

The next time you think to yourself, “How can I do what I want and have a different life?”, remember, you can’t. You must take the bull be the horns and ride it. Success leaves clues….

“Success leaves clues. Be a better observer of the winners and the losers, those who are doing well and those who are falling behind. Take mental notes and say: ‘I’m going to adjust what I’m doing based on what I see’”
Jim Rohn

Just be aware of what you are observing. Is it the best example to follow? Or, at least, is it better than what you currently follow? If it is, go ahead, use that until you find something better. If it isn’t, even if it is your Mum, Dad or local clergy, do not follow their lead. Find an example that leads you to the results that you want in your life. Then you need to put in the work!

Reframe your thoughts

Ask Powerful Questions

Posted on May 5, 2020

Ask, “Where do I want to be?”, not “Where will I end up?”. When you ask powerful questions, you are more likely to get empowering answers.

“Where do I want to be?”, is a question which implies control, desire and passion. It suggests possibility. The question asks you to open your mind and dream, to consider all the limitless possibilities. It allows you to be honest with yourself.

If you feel yourself holding back, shrinking, feeling unworthy, uneasy or in any way uncomfortable, then press on! Give yourself permission to explore those thoughts that you think may be out of reach for you. Practice taking your mind to the edge of uncomfortable and driving right on through.

If you’re feeling anxious, reframe that feeling to excitement. Same feeling in your body, but use a more powerful word to describe it. Get your mind on top of it and surf the wave of uncertainty. Stop letting yourself get dragged under water in the undertow. Be determined and fight for control of your own mind and the thoughts you allow it to think.

“Where will I end up?”, is a question that implies no control, no vision and no effort. It is as if you are drifting along in a predetermined river. Well, you are not a fish. Get up and go find yourself a better river, cleaner lake or large ocean where your opportunities are better.

Ask better questions of yourself. Ask powerful questions that bring you face to face with your fears and dreams. Press on through from uncomfortable to unstoppable.

If you do, you will be able to achieve anything.

Action Reframe your thoughts

How I Built A Habit In 1 Moment And You Can Too

Posted on April 28, 2020

I’ve done it a couple of times in the last 12 months so I know it works. Some might say this is backed by science and critics will criticise. Either way, this is how I built a habit in 1 moment and you can too.

To build a habit you must commit to it and make it a ‘must’ in your life. It is that simple.

Here are my proof points.

From the moment I moved house last summer, I committed to going to my wonderful new home every time I left it. I did not go to my old house every day for two months, even though it was only 700 meters away.
At New Year 2018, I decided to train and run two marathons in the spring of 2019. I trained daily and completed both in decent times.
Writing this daily blog. I committed, made it a must, and this is my 110th daily blog in a row. It was automatic from the moment I decided it was a must in my life and I had committed to it.

In James Clear‘s blog post, “How long does it actually take to form a new habit”, he notes two key things of extra interest to me. The first is when he references a study of 96 people which finds it takes exactly 66 days before a new behaviour becomes automatic. The second item of interest was the following quote.

“You have to embrace the process. You have to commit to the system.”
James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits

To me, his quote is more powerful than the small study and countless other studies like it.

I believe habits develop as quickly as you want them to. The more you make it a must, the more likely it will be automatic from day one. For example, how often did you turn up to your old job, or classroom, after the first day at the new one?

Tony Robbins sums it up quite nicely in his quote below.

“The difference between ‘must’ and ‘should’ is the life you want and the life you have.” When something is a must, you find a way.
Tony Robbins

I think people are amazing and can create new habits pretty quickly when determined to do so. Decide it is a must and commit.

This is how I built a habit in 1 moment and you can too.

[NB: This is dedicated to my Nana who was told in her 40’s to quit smoking or never see her grandchildren grow up. She never touched another one and, gratefully, I was almost 30 when she passed.]

Health & Fitness Reframe your thoughts

Life Is Simple

Posted on April 26, 2020

At a basic level we need to eat, drink, sleep and have adequate shelter. There may be a few other essentials but at its core, life is simple.

Then we humans add complexity of wants and communication. I often consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs at this point. Some people like it and other people challenge it. I learned about it at University and I find it is a useful theory to reference, at least as a starting point.

When left to their own interest, people can imagine incredible, fanciful and wholly unnecessary wants. I was going to list a few items, like a plastic dancing flower, but there are always a few people who will claim it is a need.

One thing a pandemic lockdown and/or looming recession can reveal is the true meaning of a want and a need. It is in these moments in time where we can see what is essential. I find it interesting and useful to remember how little we probably need to have tremendous joy in our lives. Sometimes all the physical distractions can get in the way.

Communication is the other area of complexity in our otherwise simple lives. Over the years I’ve become an ever more keen student of words and their use. I am fascinated how quickly something can be said, heard and processed, and then restated, often with bias or misunderstanding.

This moment in time has reminded me that life is simple. Spending time with my wife and children, sometimes exercising together, playing cards or just chatting. We often add so many layers of unnecessary complexity which can deny us the simple pleasure of life. Peel back a few layers, remove the distractions, and remember, life is simple.

Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Assess Both Ends Of The Spectrum

Posted on April 23, 2020

When thinking about a topic, I believe it is very important to assess both ends of the spectrum. That is to say, I like to see how the extremes behave.

Here is a spectrum with an asterisk at each end to note both extremes.

*————————————*

It is quite easy to simply sit somewhere along that spectrum and believe you have the best position. This is made even easier when you read your favourite paper or watch your favourite media channel. The reason for this is that the media company and journalist are keen to influence you. Remember, they are professionals at ensuring you are engaged and will come back.

When consuming content next time, try taking the topic and thinking about what people across the spectrum, and at the extremes, are thinking or doing. It’s a great way to expand the way you think. Especially if you consume media from a source that challenges your view.

I try to remember that the spectrum I see may actually go further at one or both ends. It is simply the spectrum of options that I am aware of, not that necessarily exist. Sometimes we have to push ourselves into some uncomfortable thoughts to truly see and assess both ends of the spectrum.

I find knowing what the extremes are for a topic makes it easier to understand, debate and find common ground for it.

In addition, if you know the extremes, you may find you have a lot more in common with other people, relative to where they could sit on the spectrum.

Action Reframe your thoughts

Whatever It Takes

Posted on April 19, 2020

When was the last time you had your back to the wall? Did you come out fighting? Would you do whatever it takes? I think we are seeing more of this way of thinking every day during our lockdown.

Front line and essential workers are doing it. Manufacturers are too, by switching to make essential items. Massive shifts are happening everywhere for individuals at home and at work.

Two great and inspiring rallying cries are, ‘Whatever it takes’ and ‘Bring it on’. Keep these phrases in your mind as you decide you need to overcome the difficult situations ahead of you. Scrunching up your face and clenching a fist in a bit of a rebel yell pose helps when you utter these phrases.

Like many sports, our U13s rugby season, where I am one of the coaches, was cut short. However, the London Scottish club suggested we host our End of Season Awards online. So we did that today.

Everyone had a bit of a, ‘whatever it takes’ few days as final arrangements were organised, links were checked and sent out, operational discussions had, awards shortlists were developed, discussed and decided and then call structure and full content were created.

Use these phrases in the days, weeks and months, or even years, ahead. It is always good to have some raw power words at your disposal.

We were certainly in ‘whatever it takes mode’ as we raced against the clock ensuring all the final pieces of the puzzle came together, including getting the players on the call. It turned out really well from my perspective, and from the feedback of others. Which is great for all the boys. We wanted them to have a good end of season, or the best we could, given the circumstances.

Reframe your thoughts Time

Do What Brings Joy.

Posted on April 18, 2020

There is a lot you can do in this world but the most important thing you should consider is to do what brings joy. Life is short and it can take a long time to realise that. Spend the bulk of your life doing things that light you up like a thousand fireflies.

If your child likes a sport during one term or year, and not the next, don’t be concerned. Be happy that they are becoming self-aware and can acknowledge what they do and don’t enjoy. Of course there can be a myriad of other reasons why someone might start or stop an activity. However, regardless of the reason, when they don’t want to go, sometimes it’s best to let go.

It is the same for adults. Let go of those things you aren’t enjoying. Find better activities or thoughts that you can allow into your life. As Steve Jobs mentions in the brief address below, if you don’t like doing something for too many days in a row, it is time to change.

When deciding what to do next in your life, do what brings joy. You’ll be happier doing it, happier in general and those around you will appreciate it too.

Do what brings joy.
(Brilliant 15 min speech)