This can be so difficult to identify. Have you ever tried to untangle your thoughts and feelings about even a simple sentence said by someone else?
Each word spoken can have different meanings or perspectives and be bound by different time constraints by the speaker or listener. Take the following sentence, for example: “He was so demanding of his children, it seemed cruel at times.”
There are so many ways to look at these words and I will mention a few here. What does “was” mean really? Could it be he was that way once, when the speaker saw it? Perhaps he was like that occasionally, often or always?
The word “demanding” can be used with different context. Demanding can mean high standards and in a good way. I would want the head of engineering at an airline, or my neurosurgeon, to be demanding of their team and tools.
Although, demanding at the other extreme could indicate harshness, cruelty, and unnecessary rigour.
How old or capable are his children? It can make a big difference if they are 3 or 38 years old or have some mental or physical limitations versus someone without those extra challenges.
Whose definition of cruel was being used? Was it challenging in the short term but would be more helpful in the longer term?
So much interpretation can go into one sentence. A person can misunderstand or misinterpret it with relative ease. It would be wise to guard against that. Ask more questions with less judgement or leading commentary.
Trying to understand what someone was thinking is quite different to trying to attribute a thought or sentiment to someone just because it’s what you want to hear and believe, through your biased lens, that that is what they meant.