0
Category: Reframe your thoughts
CategoriesReframe your thoughts
Your Win Is Humanity’s Loss
Do you always have to win? Is your perspective the only one allowed? Sometimes your win is humanity’s loss. Be mindful of this.
You see, we all come at things from different perspectives (see my Six Chairs blog post). Some will share the same or similar view while others will be the polar opposite. That is usually fine.
Arguing the point for ‘a win’ is rarely beneficial though. Noting the differences in the conversation and understanding all the various data points is useful. But trying to make the other adopt your perspective, as if it were their own, does not make sense.
It is ok for you to like blue and your friend to like orange. If you like Chelsea and they like Man United, that is fine. No need to name call, disparage or block. Simply accepting that someone else has a different view is better for the whole world and society at large.
Remember that the other person has their experiences and may have different cultural influences. They may have also held these views for many years or decades. So expecting, or insisting, that they change or shift their view in a two hour discussion seems unreasonable.
Let others keep their view. But let them understand the reasons behind your position too. The stories and data have a greater chance of swaying them then militant necessity.
Your win is humanity’s loss. Let it be.
0
Your Shifting Identity
Everything and everyone we come in contact with affects us in some way. With each interaction or experience, your shifting identity will move again.
We exist in a constant stream of movement. Remember when you met a person and agreed to catch up for coffee or a drink? That changed your life trajectory some amount. You were curious and invested some time and money in this new relationship.
The conversation you had may have shifted your thoughts or mindset in one direction or another. Or it may have just re-affirmed your position on everything. Although usually you come away from new encounters with at least one new perspective.
And, this time investment may have meant that you did not meet someone else. Some people are on the exit path of your life and others are bounding down the arrivals gangway. People are coming and going. Some are gaining prominence in your life while others remain idle or disappear.
Your thoughts, convictions and values are doing this all the time too. It is like you are trying to find the right combination on a large combination lock. You are shifting and moving or locking things into place.
Sometimes this process will be joyful while other times the pain of identity shifting will almost break you. You might long for the person you were but can’t see a way back there. Or you might be excited for the future. Not knowing how things will shift can be intriguing or unnerving.
Regardless, your shifting identity continues.
0
Your Choices Create You
With every choice you make, you create your future. Each decision about people, places and things matter. Your choices create you as you select environment, friends and behaviours.
All the choices you have made have got you where you are now. Your decisions have influenced where you live. They also determined your income, family makeup, clothes you wear and hobbies you have.
Every choice you have made, big or small, has moved you in a direction. Your current situation is a result of all those decisions. Hopefully it is mostly good. If there are any areas you would like to change, you need to make different decisions for your future.
Want to stop drinking? Make different decisions than you do now. Decide to not go to the pub. Or, if you do, drink tea, water or soft drinks. Don’t bring alcohol into the house and you won’t be able to drink at home.
If you want to get your fitness up, then you need to start exercising more. Stop smoking or vaping. Eat healthier foods. Hang around different people. You will succeed quicker if you have healthier people around you. Also, decide to see yourself as a fit and healthy person. This one decision will have a huge impact on your results.
Your choices create you. Keep making better ones every day.
0
Keep It Courteous
It is fine to have a difference of opinion. It is one way for us to learn about things we weren’t aware of before. But keep it courteous.
If you find yourself getting agitated and speaking more rapidly, it is time to take a breather. Take a few deep breathes and try to regroup on the key topic again. Alternatively, you could try to get back on to a point that you both agreed on. Then you could build from there.
Refrain from handing out an insult, no matter how much you want to or they ‘deserve it.’ Insults weaken your position. People who don’t have a strong grasp of the facts or have a weak case, might try to sway the crowd with an unnecessary comment. Don’t fall to this.
Take some breaths. Regroup your thoughts. Concede an agreeable part of the point. But stay away from the emotional comment. It may play to your audience (see yesterday’s post), but even many of them will notice you ran out of solid material. You get a short term ‘win’ but don’t really look like a winner.
It may not feel as good as unloading on someone and making derisory comments, but you will be better for it.
Keep it courteous.
0