Reframe your thoughts Archives - Page 95 of 103

Becoming One Of Them

Posted on July 21, 2020

If you have been trying to change something in your life, without success, check your perceptions. The ‘becoming one of them’ way of thinking might be holding you back.

We all have certain perceptions, stereotypes or biases about things and people. Some of these are very mild and some awaken deep feelings in us.

Some examples where perceptions can be stronger could be; how you see parenthood, a university degree, body weight, a political party, wealth or being organised.

These examples, or others, may not elicit any strong emotion in you. Though some people will have a noticeable level of tension around a few of these subjects.

This tension is good to be aware of and explore. It often comes out in the language used when discussing the topic. Some common phrases are; the wealthy are greedy or being organised is boring.

I’ve been researching and thinking a lot about this movement between tribes and the challenges people encounter. After discussing it with a friend on our run this morning, I heard this episode (#950) of the Quote Of The Day show. It’s a great podcast and this episode was timely.

Although Lisa Jimenez is talking about millionaires, I believe that the ‘becoming one of them‘ thinking applies to most changes a person would like to make.

Remember, say good things about the tribe you’re trying to become a part of. When you don’t, your mind won’t let you join them and have their benefits.

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What You Focus On Grows

Posted on July 19, 2020

If you want to become great at something or develop a skill, you need to focus on it. What you focus on grows and what you ignore, doesn’t grow.

Back to the farm days for a moment to make this clear. If you focus on planting seeds and tending to the weeds, you’ll be able to grow crops. If you focus on the back porch, the rocking chair and a cold beer, you may not have any crops in the autumn.

Fans of Star Wars have also witnessed how your mind can shift depending on what you focus on. We saw this with Anakin Skywalker when he focused on being the best Jedi. However, after the sad situation with his mother, he began to focus on hate, anger and revenge. This grew inside him until it consumed him, which didn’t turn out well.

Thankfully we can stay in the light by focusing on pleasant things. It really is your choice. Though as we know, it requires effort, patience and time.

Focus on your accomplishments and the success you see in your future. Write these out and review them daily. Add to them whenever you can as well. Remove anything from your day that makes you start to feel negative, whether it is news, specific conversations or situations.

What you focus on grows. Make sure you are building a better you each day.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

The Glass Is Half Full

Posted on July 16, 2020

The glass has 250 ml of water in it. That is the fact. Your interpretation of the situation could lead you to say that the glass is half full. Or you could announce that the glass is half empty.

Many studies have been made of this simple exercise. In addition to scientific research, many people have tried to elicit people’s opinions at home or in a pub.

Many people believe your answer gives insight as to whether you perceive things in a more optimistic or pessimistic way. Another way to look at it is whether a person has an abundance mindset or a scarcity mindset.

Either way, unless you describe it as 250 ml of water or that the water is at about the halfway mark, then you are using your opinion. And that opinion can be rather revealing

Though having a negative bias or positive bias on such an insignificant matter, probably isn’t going to change your life. However, this minor bias can start to be the way you see more things.

This bias can develop into a positive cycle of abundance and appreciation or a negative cycle of scarcity and criticism. The shift is so subtle at first. Most people will not notice it. But as your bias continues to strengthen, you and others may start to pick up on the focus.

Your glass may never be filled to the top.

So when the glass is half full, enjoy it!

Progress Reframe your thoughts

Someone Must Be First

Posted on July 15, 2020

Sometimes it is exciting to be first. In other circumstances it can bring fear. Regardless of how it feels, eventually someone must be first.

Some people seem to love to go first while others shy away. The circumstances are often a factor too. Almost everyone likes to be first in the queue for ice cream or their favourite food. Very few people are itching to go first when its time to give a 5 minute speech.

Some people become inspiring firsts, like Rosa Parks or Neil Armstrong. They lead the way and make it easier for the next person to see themselves in that position.

Where can you be first and make progress in your life or for society?

This morning, I was saddened to read about a young person’s reluctance to be first. The person said they wanted a career in a certain field. The problem, in their eyes, was that there was no one else like them when they were networking and attending events. So rather than decide to be the first one, they chose to withdraw from the career that interested them.

Someone must be first. And it was their chance to be the trailblazer and the inspiration. Their life would be different. Others would have followed. They would not have been ‘the only one’ for long.

Be brave. See the opportunity. Be the trailblazer.

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It’s An Opinion

Posted on July 13, 2020

We can get fairly worked up over an opinion. A long time ago, I can remember vigorously debating with friends. It’s an opinion, became my overriding thought. I don’t need to change theirs. It doesn’t change the reality.

What is useful is to understand their opinion. A person usually holds a different opinion because they have either received information in a different way to you or they have had a personal experience.

Their opinion is valid. It can take people a very long time to change their perspective and their opinion – ask Copernicus. There are many barriers. Not least of which is being an outcast from one of their dominant tribes.

Try to discover more about their opinion.

Stop and listen. Both sides. See what specific, periphery ideas you can agree on. Note those. Then progress to other common ground. Discover what specific item is you are disagreeing on. Are there any facts you could search the internet for? Are there interviews, podcasts or videos outlining the idea from various perspectives? Is there someone who may be more eloquent with respect to this topic? A third party may reduce the tension and emotion.

Your opinion is simply an opinion based on what you are aware of at the time.

For example, it used to be conventional wisdom that Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ the ‘New World’. For people who had never heard of this land mass before, Chris discovered it. But for the people who lived there, he was a visitor at best.

He didn’t create that new land mass. He went looking for something new and found it. A bit like someone looking for your wallet and jokingly calling out ‘finders keepers‘ when their hand is in your pocket.

When it’s an opinion, let it go calmly.

Reframe your thoughts

You Can Convince Yourself Of Anything

Posted on July 12, 2020

Some people believe in God and others do not. The placebo effect is well known and so is self-healing. You can convince yourself of anything. So what have you convinced yourself about?

Science v Faith: Do you have a science or faith based orientation?

Fact v Opinion: Do you base your decisions on the ‘facts’ of the past. Or do you let yourself have an opinion or vision of the future?

Logic v Emotion: Are you led by logic or driven by emotion?

You may even find that these answers depend on the circumstances or you have adjusted them somewhat over the years.

And what sort of jail have you created for yourself by your thoughts, beliefs and convictions? What walls have you erected around you? How high is the ceiling you have created that keeps you from soaring?

It is time to reconsider your thoughts and beliefs. Many people do not do this or they wait until it‘s too late. It may feel uncomfortable but it will get easier as you sit calmly reflecting on these sometimes brutal facts of reality.

Many people hold the same views as when they were six years old. Is it time for a refresh?

You can convince yourself of anything. So decide, commit and keep the faith.

Health & Fitness Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts Time

Expectations v Reality Gap

Posted on July 8, 2020

It is wonderful to have great expectations. Having them also brings you hope for a better future. However, the expectations v reality gap (ER Gap), must be monitored closely as it can destroy your mind.

Our own expectations for our life, and the world around us, is often being recalibrated. This is usually in an upward trajectory. For example, it feels good to believe that I will make more money, have a better relationship, progress in my career and be healthier. The opposite is not very encouraging or motivating.

It is useful to have expectations surpassing our current reality. Doing this gives you hope and an objective to strive toward. This will help to motivate you to take action toward fulfilling those expectations.

However, there are two cautions to be noted.

Firstly, be careful not to let your expectations get too far ahead of your reality. It is easier to get disheartened if you are chasing the big dream and not seeming to make any progress. Remember to divide up your goal and expectations into steps or levels. As your reality reaches the next level you will gain momentum. Then you can recalibrate to focus on the next step in the process.

The second caution is to recalibrate your expectations downward when your reality is negatively impacted. So if your career, school grades, finances, health or athletic goals suffer a setback, recalibrate your expectations. You can do this by adding in a few more steps to your timeline. You can also extend your timeline out a little.

These two cautions are very important for your mental health. If the expectations v reality gap gets too wide, you will torment yourself and cause undue stress in your life.

Mind the Gap and stay out of the ER (A&E).

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Am I Misinterpreting You Correctly?

Posted on July 6, 2020

Have you ever said something and the other person asks, “Are you saying I’m (fat, ugly, stupid, etc)?”? “Am I misinterpreting you correctly?” is what they should be asking.

Rarely have I heard someone respond with a positive expectation, such as, “Are you saying I look fit and fabulous?”.

Why is it that, when we try to decipher an underlying meaning to a statement, we overwhelmingly err on the negative side? Why are we looking for some unspoken meaning in the first place? Take the compliment, or comment, and thank the other person with a smile.

Even if it is not said with perfect words, and in the order you would want to hear it, the other person is trying. If you want them to keep trying, practice and improve, then encourage them. Try not to shut them down quickly and resist their actual intention with a cynical mindset.

Now sometimes the intention of the person is not good. There are times the person saying the words have the intent to harm. Though occasionally it can be difficult to tell. Especially if you are looking for the negative, or you tend to the cynical side and believe most people have poor intentions.

Either way, this is unfortunate, unnecessary and unacceptable. It is usually the result of a childhood that lacked good role models and an adult life with little curiosity to improve. A quick, confident and genuine, “Thank you for taking an interest”, should throw them off and end the exchange.

The next time someone says something you might not like, before responding, ask yourself, “Am I misinterpreting you correctly?”.

Reframe your thoughts Time

Watch The Moon Rise

Posted on July 5, 2020

The sky is quite amazing. A ceiling during the day and a vast glittery, endless black adventure at night. Watch the moon rise, as we did, as it’s a true wonder.

There are a few natural spectacles that are accessible to everyone. If you love a bit of natural magic, watch a sunrise, sunset and moonrise at least once annually. Do it more frequently if you can.

Watching these events can be quite awe-inspiring. It can remind us how incredible space is.

I find it even more amazing to think that we are spinning at 1,000 miles per hour. This is almost twice as fast as you’ve ever flown in a commercial airliner on your way to a holiday.

So the amazing part may not be the perception of the moon rising. Maybe it is the speed at which we can see it better as we spin around into a better position.

Either way, learn more about the event and celestial bodies and you will become even more amazed.

If you can get a chance to watch the moon rise, definitely take it. It is fun, exciting and fascinating. It is also free to do and requires pretty minimal effort.

Enjoy the night sky!

Reframe your thoughts Time

Interesting But Not Compelling

Posted on July 4, 2020

Do you remember booking that event 6 months ago and now you don’t want to go? It was interesting but not compelling. Interesting is a distraction.

Interesting is candy floss for the mind. It’s mostly nothing but seems to tempt us every time. And yet it’s really just attention grabbing empty calories.

Stay away from interesting. It can be a time waster. Pick the one or two things that set your mind alight and stick with those with blinders on.

Sometimes I find myself reading things that are interesting but really aren’t going to do much for me. I may not learn a lesson, challenge my own thinking or learn things from others who have seen things differently.

In addition, I’ll occasionally engage in a discussion that makes me think because the topic is interesting. Maybe I shouldn’t do that because it takes me away from my compelling activities. But I think it is useful to discover how other people view the world or specific situations.

Some topics are interesting and not compelling. It is up to you how you spend your precious time. Though sometimes you need to consider what Jim Rohn used to say about, ‘not signing up to that course’.

There are an infinite number of things you can learn more about in this world. But make sure you learn efficiently, as often as you can.