Scott's Thinking - Page 159 of 217

Your Win Is Humanity’s Loss

Posted on August 14, 2021

Do you always have to win? Is your perspective the only one allowed? Sometimes your win is humanity’s loss. Be mindful of this.

You see, we all come at things from different perspectives (see my Six Chairs blog post). Some will share the same or similar view while others will be the polar opposite. That is usually fine.

Arguing the point for ‘a win’ is rarely beneficial though. Noting the differences in the conversation and understanding all the various data points is useful. But trying to make the other adopt your perspective, as if it were their own, does not make sense.

It is ok for you to like blue and your friend to like orange. If you like Chelsea and they like Man United, that is fine. No need to name call, disparage or block. Simply accepting that someone else has a different view is better for the whole world and society at large.

Remember that the other person has their experiences and may have different cultural influences. They may have also held these views for many years or decades. So expecting, or insisting, that they change or shift their view in a two hour discussion seems unreasonable.

Let others keep their view. But let them understand the reasons behind your position too. The stories and data have a greater chance of swaying them then militant necessity.

Your win is humanity’s loss. Let it be.

Reframe your thoughts Time

Your Shifting Identity

Posted on August 13, 2021

Everything and everyone we come in contact with affects us in some way. With each interaction or experience, your shifting identity will move again.

We exist in a constant stream of movement. Remember when you met a person and agreed to catch up for coffee or a drink? That changed your life trajectory some amount. You were curious and invested some time and money in this new relationship.

The conversation you had may have shifted your thoughts or mindset in one direction or another. Or it may have just re-affirmed your position on everything. Although usually you come away from new encounters with at least one new perspective.

And, this time investment may have meant that you did not meet someone else. Some people are on the exit path of your life and others are bounding down the arrivals gangway. People are coming and going. Some are gaining prominence in your life while others remain idle or disappear.

Your thoughts, convictions and values are doing this all the time too. It is like you are trying to find the right combination on a large combination lock. You are shifting and moving or locking things into place.

Sometimes this process will be joyful while other times the pain of identity shifting will almost break you. You might long for the person you were but can’t see a way back there. Or you might be excited for the future. Not knowing how things will shift can be intriguing or unnerving.

Regardless, your shifting identity continues.

Action Health & Fitness Reframe your thoughts Time

Your Choices Create You

Posted on August 12, 2021

With every choice you make, you create your future. Each decision about people, places and things matter. Your choices create you as you select environment, friends and behaviours.

All the choices you have made have got you where you are now. Your decisions have influenced where you live. They also determined your income, family makeup, clothes you wear and hobbies you have.

Every choice you have made, big or small, has moved you in a direction. Your current situation is a result of all those decisions. Hopefully it is mostly good. If there are any areas you would like to change, you need to make different decisions for your future.

Want to stop drinking? Make different decisions than you do now. Decide to not go to the pub. Or, if you do, drink tea, water or soft drinks. Don’t bring alcohol into the house and you won’t be able to drink at home.

If you want to get your fitness up, then you need to start exercising more. Stop smoking or vaping. Eat healthier foods. Hang around different people. You will succeed quicker if you have healthier people around you. Also, decide to see yourself as a fit and healthy person. This one decision will have a huge impact on your results.

Your choices create you. Keep making better ones every day.

Observe Think About It

The Tip Of The Iceberg

Posted on August 11, 2021

What you can see, isn’t all there is. There is a lot going on below the surface. Remember that the tip of the iceberg is only the beginning.

When speaking to someone, remember that you only get the words, tone and body language. What you may not understand is the full meaning. The person may have a completely different experience to you and therefore have a unique point of view on a topic.

If someone has lived through a traumatic event, and they say they know what it means, they may actually know. And not just theoretically. If they have had the full body and complete mind numbing experience, they may be able to relate on closer level than people who haven’t gone through the challenge.

There is so much information being considered and assessed in the back of our mind all day. We are constantly shifting thoughts around in our unconscious mind and occasionally our conscious one.

This massive information flow can therefore make it easier to assess things by feel or intuition. Taking the time to go through all the data and nuance could take weeks, months or years. However, we can make reasonable snap decisions by weighing up the sense we have. Beware though, making emotional decisions this way is not advised. Get key data as well.

The tip of the iceberg is not all there is.

Action Gratitude Reframe your thoughts

Keep It Courteous

Posted on August 10, 2021

It is fine to have a difference of opinion. It is one way for us to learn about things we weren’t aware of before. But keep it courteous.

If you find yourself getting agitated and speaking more rapidly, it is time to take a breather. Take a few deep breathes and try to regroup on the key topic again. Alternatively, you could try to get back on to a point that you both agreed on. Then you could build from there.

Refrain from handing out an insult, no matter how much you want to or they ‘deserve it.’ Insults weaken your position. People who don’t have a strong grasp of the facts or have a weak case, might try to sway the crowd with an unnecessary comment. Don’t fall to this.

Take some breaths. Regroup your thoughts. Concede an agreeable part of the point. But stay away from the emotional comment. It may play to your audience (see yesterday’s post), but even many of them will notice you ran out of solid material. You get a short term ‘win’ but don’t really look like a winner.

It may not feel as good as unloading on someone and making derisory comments, but you will be better for it.

Keep it courteous.

Action Reframe your thoughts

Play To Your Crowd

Posted on August 9, 2021

If you want cheers, adulation and support, this is your strategy. If you want the easy route to happiness, play to your crowd.

It is so much easier to play to your cheering, adoring fans. You can bring them along and know what they like. You know their trigger points. Getting them to cheer you on and encourage your commentary happens with ease.

However, this often means they hold an opposing view on the topic compared to many others. So rather than rile people up into some agitated mob, you could use your power for good.

You could weave in elements of the topic which could bring some closer together. Not going for the dramatic in tone and vocabulary could take some of the emotion and heat out of the topic. Adding some useful and balanced information would help people understand the issue better.

The challenge is, this takes a very brave person to do it. Many people prefer the limelight and the euphoria. Few want to do what is better for society for fear of being cast out of their tribe.

When considering what is better, be clear if it is better for you or the greater good. You could help mend fences and build a better future.

Try to inform and influence rather than simply play to your crowd.

Action Gratitude Observe Think About It Time

Quality Time Defined

Posted on August 8, 2021

Is quality time what you want or what they want? If one of you isn’t delighted, is it still quality time? It’s time to have quality time defined.

Deciding you are going for a walk with a friend, who doesn’t enjoy walking, might not be the best idea of quality time. Do you both have to enjoy the activity, discussion or company? Or is it ok if just one of you do?

When you spend some of your day with your young child, is it enough to just enjoy being together? Or do you need to enjoy the event too? Is it quality time either way?

Encouraging your child to try something with you might seem like a good idea. You will be expanding their horizons and possibly adding a new, burgeoning skill to their repertoire. This is brilliant if they thoroughly enjoyed it. However, if they were not very interested or engaged, is it still quality time?

Is a shared memory considered quality time, even if it is not a brilliant or positive one? Perhaps they learned a lesson, or you did. If it came from a difficult experience, but something good came from it, does it fit the description?

In summary, life will be different for you with quality time defined.

Action Time

Find Your Fit

Posted on August 7, 2021

We spend quite a bit of life searching. We are looking for something and we want it to be the best thing available. If you find your fit, you should stick with it.

Think of how much time is spent trying out new restaurants or trying on new clothes. Some people like Steve Jobs had a great idea. Find the clothes you love and buy a dozen of them. Then you can wear the same thing every day.

Some people have restaurants they love so they can eat there every day. They know their preferred meal, drink and dessert or pudding.

There is a fine line between searching for the very best for you and settling with good enough. The idea of good enough might mean for now or forever. But sometimes the time, energy and decision making going into something can be too much. You can go overboard with research and expectations.

There are lots of key elements of life in this idea. Aim for the best. Simplify. Find joy. It’s a heck yes or no. Do your research. The 80/20 rule. Reduce decision making. Consistency and discipline are key.

It is a good idea to explore every once in a while. However, for the most part, once you find your fit, stick with it.

Action Gratitude Reframe your thoughts

Look For Light Everyday

Posted on August 6, 2021

Try this. Every day for the next 7 days find the good in everything you can. Look for the light everyday. Sometimes it can be hard to see. This is especially true if you tend to find something wrong or things that could or should be better.

Appreciate whatever it is for just being there. Remember that the world is just people trying to do their thing as best they can in their moment. Sure everything could be perfect. We should all think perfectly and speak perfectly and have perfect manners. Of course though, perfect in just the vision you have in your mind.

Your idea of perfect might be the opposite to my idea of it. You might think people should get free strawberry ice cream every day. I might think perfect is free vanilla ice cream.

But if you can look for the good in people, places and events, you will train your mind to be happier or at least more appreciative. If we train our mind one way, it can be hard to train it another way. So it is better if you can train it just once. Try to have positive thoughts.

Look for light everyday. Let it become easier with practice.

Action Observe Think About It

Where Do You Fish?

Posted on August 5, 2021

Are you going to the best spot for the results you want? Have you thought much about it? Where do you fish? Clearly, the best place is where the fish you want are swimming.

Too many times we ask the wrong people or the wrong question. It is often easier to ask a friend what they think rather than ask someone who might be in a better position to answer.

If you want to catch salmon, you are best not to fish in a lake with only trout and bass. And if you don’t know where to catch salmon, asking your trout fishing buddies might not get the best answer.

By all means, do ask your trout fishing buddies though. They may also like salmon fishing, have been salmon fishing or knows a relative or friend who loves it. It’s a good place to start, especially if you are out on the lake spending time fishing.

But don’t stop there. Go online. Find out where salmon tend to live. Watch videos, read articles or call a salmon fishing shop or tour operator. You will get a variety of ideas and points of view. Some will be repetitive, some unique, some useful and some will be of little use at all.

Apply this search method to everything including getting medical information, finding a job, looking for clients and finding a partner – business or personal.

Where do you fish? This can make all the difference.