Often we want to speak or do. Sometimes ours best to just observe. You can learn a lot from active and intentional observation.
Calm your mind. Take some slow deep breaths. Let judgments pass and expectations drop. Remain indifferent to the words or actions.
Just observe.
Make the effort to eat together at least once a week. Whether it’s you and your partner, your kids, parents, close friends, or grandparents, get a frequent time in your diary.
Then also make sure you are present, alert, engaged and making it the best possible moment you can. These are important moments. You don’t know how many you have left until the last one happens. Then it’s too late.
Enjoy dinner together.
The brain is quite incredible. While watching my son play field hockey Saturday morning, I was struck by how incredible brain-body coordination is.
The players were taking shots on the keeper and it was a sight to see. There were a series of passes, players changing places and then the final player would take their big shot on the net.
Think of what the brain is doing and what the body is doing! There is eye movement, strategy assessment, angle, velocity and height calculations and all while the body is bending, moving forward, aligning for the shot and finally shooting with the occasional precision they were attempting.
That in itself is wildly incredible. If they get it where they wanted to, it is even more spectacular. The complexity of calculating a target probability, assessing the situation, moving into the best position and making it all happen in a second or two is something we should marvel at more often than most of us probably do.
We’ve got a lot to do in our lives. So when possible, be sure to delegate tasks.
You already do this in a sense. Someone else probably grows your food. And a truck driver brings fuel to the pumps for your vehicle. You might even occasionally ask a partner, family member or friend to pick up something from the shops for you while they are there.
You have other people do lots of things for you. Figure out what else you can ask to have done to save your time. Then you can spend more of your time on the things you truly want to do.
And then you learn something new. Maybe you stumble upon a new idea or you hear something differently then ever before.
The quote attributed to Albert Einstein springs to mind, “The more I learn, the more I realise I don’t know”. Something similar is also attributed to Socrates. Mark Twain and most parents have also said something along those lines, especially in the direction of their children.
To learn more, pause. You should pause more and consider what is being discussed. Does it make sense to you? What about to people who think differently to you? How could you see this differently if you wanted to learn something rather than celebrate being right?
10 billion people have walked this Earth. Every single one of them have had different experiences and interactions. Until we’ve seen everything through 10 billion lenses, we still have an opportunity to learn new things.
Calling people names, noting who they married, referening their hair, skin tone, partner preferences or where they went to school, are all weak reasons to like or dislike someone or their point of view.
Listen to the policies they advocate for. Think through the short term implications and the associated longer term ones. Watch what they do. Do they live the policy?
If you reference any of the above external, non-policy points in a discussion, you’ve lost. You may win in popularity, if your followers allow weak arguments. However, you’ll know that you’re not improving the group, yours or the wider societal one.
Keep your points focused on the pros and cons of the policy. It may get less audience reaction, but it will help us all improve our thinking skills and make an actual difference in peoples lives.
You can start with a generalisation. When you imagine an amazing future or visualise the realisation of an incredible dream, it can be big and broad.
But then you need to get deeper into the detail. Like planning a holiday, you start with skiing, beach or camping and then add the key details next. You need to know where, with who, when and how. You’ll also need to know how much so you can have the right cards with you or funds in place.
After the big details are in place you need the next level details. You’ll need to know which airline, which gate, which row and which seat. Maybe even what to bring with you on board and what you can’t bring.
The more precise you can be with the details, the more likely you’ll get what you want. I understand Queen Elizabeth II was very keen on the details. She understood the importance of the slightest thing.
You don’t need to be royalty to dress and present yourself well. And focusing on the details can be done by anyone.
Upgrade your skills in this area. Put the effort in. If you’re currently a five in the detail department, learn how to become a six or even seven. Search it up on the internet. Watch some videos. Practice. Get better at it. Your life will improve in many areas and you’ll be surprised at the benefits you find around you.
The Queen’s passing marked the end of an exceptional era. I stood at the side of the road Monday and watched her cortege pass right in front of me. Like time, The Moment passed and more moments after that.
But time stops for no one. Things continue to progress. This happens whether you want the event in question to be happening or not.
It really did feel like the end of an era though. It has been an exceptional era that kept getting better. Many people did not want it to end or they believed it never really would.
The Queen was a common thread in a lot of people’s lives, both in the UK and around the world. This may have helped us feel more united in our grief and the uncertainty for the future.
Now our new future begins. With a new King, we will begin a new era. We don’t know how this era will go, nor do we know how it will end. But we do know a new one will begin after this new one. And on it will go.
It is so easy to gloss over people’s contribution or even ignore it or joke about it. You are a better person if you see someone’s contribution, no matter how large or small and regardless if you think it was enough or how you would do it or want it.
Give people some kudos. Do it as often as you can and for whatever you can.
Monday is a day people can do this when referencing The Queen. Appreciate all that she did and didn’t do to make the world a better place. Such leadership from a 26 year old woman, in a very different world in the 1950’s.
Your appreciation will make you and the world around you better. Find the good in people and things. You’ll be happier for it.
Remove things from your life. Narrow your focus down to a few things that are very important to you.
Remove items you don’t need or that aren’t bringing you benefit or joy. This might mean cancelling a newspaper subscription or tv package. It could also mean stopping an activity that is a habit but no longer as enjoyable.
Simplify your wardrobe, your files, your bookshelf, your schedule, your social media/communications and your thinking.
Keep removing items until you feel calm and more able to enjoy the things that really matter.
