Comment Archives - Scott's Thinking

Be More Positive

Posted on January 11, 2021

There are a lot of opinions flying around about everything. Oftentimes I hear, see or read argumentative positions. Be more positive from now on.

Loads of people say they want calm. So many people supposedly want peaceful days ahead. Yet, when they communicate, they create a division and fire up hostility.

Being online the last few days, I really looked at the way people interacted. There are a lot of people on there that just want to drop bombs into conversations. They don’t think about their actions, or if they do, their intent is not coming from a good place.

There are the clever quips, flippant retorts and angry comments. Lots of name calling and frustration. Does this ever help? If a child saw the world a little differently than you did, would you berate them? Would that help?

Treat your conversations like you’re speaking to a 10 year old. Not in a condescending way, but in a helpful, curious and empathetic way. Perhaps they have a different religion, had a tumultuous childhood or are feeling unheard, uncertain, or alone. Why add to their distress?

This isn’t some war of attrition. If you take the time to comment, make it positive and build the other person up. Yes it can be hard when you have spite on the tip of your tongue. But if you can’t make a helpful comment, just keep scrolling.

Be more positive.

Action Gratitude Observe Reframe your thoughts

Catch People Doing Something Well

Posted on September 9, 2020

It’s so easy to criticise. Especially if you continue to practice doing it. Of greater benefit to one and all is to catch people doing something well.

I think I read about this in a parenting book many years ago. It really struck me. Although we want to guide our children and others well, it can mean we provide a disproportionate amount of negative feedback.

What builds confidence and leads to greater capability is hearing good and positive feedback. For most kids, they will do 99% of things in the good zone. Check whether you are giving 99% of your feedback on those good things they are doing.

This is the same with colleagues, other family members, the government, health care workers, police and teachers.

Every day, one hundred thousand things have to go right, at the right time. That’s just for things to go smoothly. If one thing isn’t right, try not to focus on that. Focus on all the other things going well.

There are various ways to address this. One is to recognise several of the good things that they have done, especially any they did particularly well. Often you can leave it there. A lot of times they already know what they could have done better.

Catch people doing something well and you’ll see more smiles.

Gratitude Think About It

What You Say Reflects You

Posted on April 6, 2020

We all think that our spoken words describe something or someone else. However, what you say reflects you. What you communicate will usually tell us more about your current state of mind, values and critical thinking, than it will about your subject.

I have raised a similar thought previously in another post entitled, ‘Is fire good or bad?’. Putting that aside, what really brings this point home is what people are saying online and on Twitter about our now ICU’d Prime Minister, Boris Johnson.

Leadership examples:

It is fabulous to see people like Keir Starmer and Ed Miliband saying good, hopeful and helpful things at this difficult time. They could have said something political. They could have criticised his policies or judgement in handling the matter. Or they could have said nothing at all. They did not, however, and they chose to send appropriate messages of well wishing.

Meanwhile, there were people who did not send their good wishes for a speedy recovery. They did not stay quiet, nor did they offer their thoughts or prayers to him or his family. You will have to look the comments up yourself, if you want to spend your time that way.

When I see such negative and inappropriate things written, or hear them spoken, I ask myself the following: What is the worst thing that he, personally, directly and intentionally did, specifically to harm you, without any greater consideration or benefit to a wider group?

Consider intent:

It is always best to first consider the other person’s intent. What is the most important thing for them? What were they trying to achieve as the very highest priority for them? When doing this, try to remove your biases and instinctual thoughts and try to get in their shoes and understand their motivation and highest intent. It’s not easy but frequent practice will help.

I believe Mr Johnson’s overriding intent, during this pandemic, has been good. It seems clear to me that he wants to save lives, protect the NHS and support people and businesses adversely affected by the situation. This is a big and broad summary of intent. It won’t be perfect. Nothing ever is.

So the next time you choose to express yourself, take a pause first. What you say reflects you, and it’s quite revealing.

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Check Your Intent

Posted on February 18, 2020

Are you trying to help someone improve, or are you looking for a pat on the back, for being empathetic or interested?

When you argue/debate/converse, are you trying to “win” and prove your perception is “right” and that it is the only possible perception, reality or opinion? Or are you seeking to understand what the other person is trying to express? I say ’trying’ as sometimes, under pressure, or if the question gets them thinking, a person may be quickly trying to express something, but not very well. Some people will pick up on the less-well-articulated thought and attack the words rather than the intent of the person uttering them. This is unfortunate.

We need to #BeKinder and allow people to find the better words to express their thoughts. This is why we should check our intent. Frequently. We can immediately change the tone of a conversation by adjusting our own intent.

The closer you listen to someone, the more you will learn about them. Some people are a bit sloppy in their word selection. Others have fewer learned words to select from. Listen carefully to people today. Measure their words against their deeds and the intent you believe you are observing. It’s fascinating. Did your waiter really mean, “Have a nice day”? (On a scale of 1-10)

Sometimes we can hurt people’s feelings with our words unintentionally. This is an accident. However, it can seem quite clear sometimes, what someone’s intent is. Sometimes it seems clear their intent is unkind.

Fellow Canadian, Jordan B Peterson, was interviewed on Channel 4 News a couple of years ago. See the video below – it has been viewed 19 million times. It has some topical subjects and is a good case study on intent. What is his and what is hers during the show?

Spoiler: I felt Jordan’s intent was to try to give a thought-through perspective to help the audience get a better understanding of the detail involved in the topics. It felt like Cathy’s intent was to try to provoke or discredit Jordan and show him in a bad light.

What do you think the intent is for both parties involved? You can leave your comment below by adding your thoughts under “Your Thinking…”. (If it is not directly below these words, click on the title of this post (at the top of the page) and it will take you to the comment area).