Gap Archives - Scott's Thinking

Life Isn’t Fair

Posted on November 8, 2020

We all want life to be fair. We want a fair match when we watch sports, a fair hearing in court and a fair interview in our career. However, life isn’t fair. Or at least, most people can’t see how it is fair in some circumstances.

I have found that remembering that life isn’t fair is very helpful during challenging times. It comes back to the expectation versus reality gap. If you expect life to be fair, every time you don’t think it is, you will be frustrated.

My children hear this phrase frequently too. I remind them that life doesn’t always look fair in the present, the short run or the long run. However, it may be fair eventually, particularly if you believe in karma. Or it may never be fair, especially if you don’t believe there is an entity watching and keeping score.

Though I do suggest to them that they can try to make life fairer by their own thoughts and actions. If someone is having a bad day, they can try to make it better with a kind word or a small token. They can also play by the rules of the game and ensure the people on their team do too.

Life can be tough and life isn’t fair. But we have a responsibility to try to ensure it is as fair as possible.

Action Reframe your thoughts

Hoping But Not Happening

Posted on August 25, 2020

Hope is a very powerful and optimistic state of mind. However, despite its power it is not action or results. Hoping but not happening is an all too common situation for many, many people.

Sometimes people will use the word when they know they will not be making it happen. It’s as if their response has a silent ‘but’ underlying it. For example, if I ask one of my children if they can tidy their room before going to school, I may get the following reply. “I hope so”.

It’s a great reply. It’s optimistic and fills me with hope that it could happen. So the word is a feel-good filler. However, the child may have no intention of doing anything to tidy their room. This happens in a work setting too.

Hoping someone calls, is ok, or gets the job are all better than worrying about the opposite outcome. So in that sense, hope is a fantastic and positive word.

Hoping gets your mind thinking about the positive outcomes you would like to have in your life. The next step is to get curious and ask yourself what actions you could take to move those hopes and dreams into your reality.

When you take action, hoping but not happening will no longer be a part of your life.

Health & Fitness Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts Time

Expectations v Reality Gap

Posted on July 8, 2020

It is wonderful to have great expectations. Having them also brings you hope for a better future. However, the expectations v reality gap (ER Gap), must be monitored closely as it can destroy your mind.

Our own expectations for our life, and the world around us, is often being recalibrated. This is usually in an upward trajectory. For example, it feels good to believe that I will make more money, have a better relationship, progress in my career and be healthier. The opposite is not very encouraging or motivating.

It is useful to have expectations surpassing our current reality. Doing this gives you hope and an objective to strive toward. This will help to motivate you to take action toward fulfilling those expectations.

However, there are two cautions to be noted.

Firstly, be careful not to let your expectations get too far ahead of your reality. It is easier to get disheartened if you are chasing the big dream and not seeming to make any progress. Remember to divide up your goal and expectations into steps or levels. As your reality reaches the next level you will gain momentum. Then you can recalibrate to focus on the next step in the process.

The second caution is to recalibrate your expectations downward when your reality is negatively impacted. So if your career, school grades, finances, health or athletic goals suffer a setback, recalibrate your expectations. You can do this by adding in a few more steps to your timeline. You can also extend your timeline out a little.

These two cautions are very important for your mental health. If the expectations v reality gap gets too wide, you will torment yourself and cause undue stress in your life.

Mind the Gap and stay out of the ER (A&E).