Intent Archives - Scott's Thinking

Don’t Poke The Bear

Posted on October 11, 2020

Have you ever pushed things a little too far? Someone isn’t having their best moment and you antagonise them just a little? Well, ‘Don’t poke the bear’, is what we say in our house.

Sometimes the extra poke is in jest. Occasionally it works too. But often you simply end up antagonising the person further.

How nice it would be if people learned to pull back, relax and chill. If they could give the other person some breathing room and a little head space. Most of us don’t enjoy having a bad moment. Certainly most don’t want it made worse.

We have the opportunity to make things better. We can create a positive butterfly effect rather than a negative one. With that power, why wouldn’t you? With great power comes great responsibility, as they say. Please use it wisely.

Remember this blog the next time things are going a bit wrong for someone. Try not to push them further to the brink. Give them some space. Or have the clear intent to honestly try to make their situation better.

Whatever you do, try not to make it worse for the person. Not even in a jokey or fun way. What might seem fun or funny to you, may not seem like it to them.

Be kind. Don’t poke the bear.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

Am I Misinterpreting You Correctly?

Posted on July 6, 2020

Have you ever said something and the other person asks, “Are you saying I’m (fat, ugly, stupid, etc)?”? “Am I misinterpreting you correctly?” is what they should be asking.

Rarely have I heard someone respond with a positive expectation, such as, “Are you saying I look fit and fabulous?”.

Why is it that, when we try to decipher an underlying meaning to a statement, we overwhelmingly err on the negative side? Why are we looking for some unspoken meaning in the first place? Take the compliment, or comment, and thank the other person with a smile.

Even if it is not said with perfect words, and in the order you would want to hear it, the other person is trying. If you want them to keep trying, practice and improve, then encourage them. Try not to shut them down quickly and resist their actual intention with a cynical mindset.

Now sometimes the intention of the person is not good. There are times the person saying the words have the intent to harm. Though occasionally it can be difficult to tell. Especially if you are looking for the negative, or you tend to the cynical side and believe most people have poor intentions.

Either way, this is unfortunate, unnecessary and unacceptable. It is usually the result of a childhood that lacked good role models and an adult life with little curiosity to improve. A quick, confident and genuine, “Thank you for taking an interest”, should throw them off and end the exchange.

The next time someone says something you might not like, before responding, ask yourself, “Am I misinterpreting you correctly?”.

Action Progress

Intend To Be Your Best

Posted on May 23, 2020

It seems like a natural thing to do. Don’t you always intend to be your best? For the most part, I believe it is the true intention of people. But it is not always true and it is often intention unfulfilled.

When I attempt something, I intend to be my best. There is some scope for being somewhere along a spectrum on this though.

For example, I may intend to be my best when playing a sport. However, it could be that I am being my best that I feel I can be in the moment. It may not be my full on best like I was playing for my freedom or my life. There are different layers or positions on a spectrum of best.

Regardless of where you are in life, intend to be your best. It may be amazing, or not, relative to others, but that doesn’t matter. Aim for the best you can do right now, with what you know, and the resources you have.

The world needs you to be the best that you can be. Going forward we will need you to be the best you can possibly be, at all times, with all endeavours. Of course, even leisure pursuits will need your best. Do a great job taking care of your mind, body and soul.

Observe Reframe your thoughts

Be The Person With Uncommon Sense

Posted on May 13, 2020

It’s easy to criticise. As nothing is perfect, there is always at least one fault. So be the person with uncommon sense, that can understand the general point.

Trying to find the cracks in a statement and exploiting them to cause ill will, is not good for your soul or mindset.

It is far better to be the person that can accept some ambiguity, shrug at some irony, take some decisions and get on with it. To act like a responsible, understanding and humble adult is attractive.

The grey line is probably in comedy. Though this can usually be resolved by considering if you are laughing with the person or at the person.

If you’re not sure and you need a second opinion, check if your intent is to make someone else look bad, silly, or incapable. If that is your true, underlying intent, then please stop. It says a lot more about you, how you see the world and what kind of person you are, than it does about them.

Be the person with uncommon sense. While you are at it, go for uncommon courtesy, empathy and thoughtfulness. Be the rare gem of a person who models great characteristics. We will never be perfect, but excellence is a great standard to aim for.

And for all of us still trying to do better and be better, if we slip up, be the person with uncommon sense and take it easy on the criticism. There is an old saying in there that reminds me of Billy Joel’s album ’Glass Houses’.

Action Progress

You Can Do Something

Posted on April 5, 2020

There is a lot of opportunity to get involved. Start looking for your impact zone. You are amazing. You can do something.

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
Helen Keller

What is the something you can do today?

Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts

The Challenges Ahead

Posted on March 22, 2020

We have all faced significant headwinds in our lives and leaning into the challenges ahead will be similar. There will be days where you will be feeling overwhelmed and maybe beaten, but you will press on and get through this.

I am always amazed at people’s tenacity and inner strength when they decide to get through something. The absolute power that we possess inside is quite incredible. By taking each day and each hour as it comes we can get through just about anything.

There are 1,440 minutes in a day and there are 84 days in 12 weeks. So we have 120,960 minutes to enjoy or persevere through at this unique time in the UK. When it is all going well, it will go by quick. Though there will be times when you will feel like the clock has stopped. Either way, stay focused on the bright side of everything.

Enjoy every minute of this unique period in time. Amazing things will happen in your relationships and your life in general, if you stay focused and approach everything, and everyone, with the best intent.

If the challenges get too much, put yourself in a 5 minute time out. Do some slow, deep breathing and relax your mind and thoughts. Remember that in the moment, everything is super important and feels like it really matters. However, the events of that moment are unlikely to be remembered 200 years from now.

If I get too caught up in the moment, I mentally picture myself shooting up into space, all while looking down as the ground disappears below me. As I am rising up, the streets get smaller and I see other cities. As I go higher, the details blur into cities, farmland, forest and large bodies of water. Soon I’m floating in space and looking down at this little blue ball, balanced perfectly in an orbit in space, which has seen wars, peace, contagion and warmth.

In that moment, I remember how significantly insignificant what is happening probably is in the very grand scheme of things. So I breathe and smile as I return back down to earth. Refreshed with perspective, I am once again prepared for the challenges ahead. Try this a few times and let me know if it works for you.

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Check Your Intent

Posted on February 18, 2020

Are you trying to help someone improve, or are you looking for a pat on the back, for being empathetic or interested?

When you argue/debate/converse, are you trying to “win” and prove your perception is “right” and that it is the only possible perception, reality or opinion? Or are you seeking to understand what the other person is trying to express? I say ’trying’ as sometimes, under pressure, or if the question gets them thinking, a person may be quickly trying to express something, but not very well. Some people will pick up on the less-well-articulated thought and attack the words rather than the intent of the person uttering them. This is unfortunate.

We need to #BeKinder and allow people to find the better words to express their thoughts. This is why we should check our intent. Frequently. We can immediately change the tone of a conversation by adjusting our own intent.

The closer you listen to someone, the more you will learn about them. Some people are a bit sloppy in their word selection. Others have fewer learned words to select from. Listen carefully to people today. Measure their words against their deeds and the intent you believe you are observing. It’s fascinating. Did your waiter really mean, “Have a nice day”? (On a scale of 1-10)

Sometimes we can hurt people’s feelings with our words unintentionally. This is an accident. However, it can seem quite clear sometimes, what someone’s intent is. Sometimes it seems clear their intent is unkind.

Fellow Canadian, Jordan B Peterson, was interviewed on Channel 4 News a couple of years ago. See the video below – it has been viewed 19 million times. It has some topical subjects and is a good case study on intent. What is his and what is hers during the show?

Spoiler: I felt Jordan’s intent was to try to give a thought-through perspective to help the audience get a better understanding of the detail involved in the topics. It felt like Cathy’s intent was to try to provoke or discredit Jordan and show him in a bad light.

What do you think the intent is for both parties involved? You can leave your comment below by adding your thoughts under “Your Thinking…”. (If it is not directly below these words, click on the title of this post (at the top of the page) and it will take you to the comment area).