Sometimes you have it and sometimes you don’t. Practice.
0
Tag: Patience
Patience Can Be Rewarding
Whether watching the Perseids meteor shower or the lions on the Serengeti, I’ve found being patient can be the most useful trait in getting to see rare events. Be patient.
0
I Am Trying To Understand You
Do you listen to understand or do you just want to tell people what you think? I am trying to understand you. However, it takes patience and sometimes the ability to hold two different, and maybe even uncomfortable, thoughts in my mind at the same time.
If I am listening to you, I will need you to be clear about what you’re trying to say. There are so many word and sentence combinations. Could your words be interpreted in any other way?
Word selection, sentence structure and communication are all skills worth enhancing. These skills can be learned, practiced, improved upon and developed to an exceptional standard.
To improve, it requires the communicator to pause and reflect on what they wish to say. They then should select the best words, in the best order, to convey the desired message.
In addition, communication can work even better if the speaker/writer first thinks about what they wish to be said. If there are a number of ideas understood, often the best response is a clarifying question. With this in mind, I have, at times, responded to a question that wasn’t actually asked.
Become more aware of what is being communicated. Listen with intent to understand. Practice thinking and reflecting more. Before responding, get precise in your mind.
Most people want the same things. However, miscommunication, poorly worded questions and reactive responses can make everything seem far more difficult.
I want to make comments that progress a conversation or situation. Merely prolonging it is not usually an optimal, or enjoyable, use of time.
In order for the world to work better, I am trying to understand you. Do you understand what I mean?
1+
Check Your Intent
Are you trying to help someone improve, or are you looking for a pat on the back, for being empathetic or interested?
When you argue/debate/converse, are you trying to “win” and prove your perception is “right” and that it is the only possible perception, reality or opinion? Or are you seeking to understand what the other person is trying to express? I say ’trying’ as sometimes, under pressure, or if the question gets them thinking, a person may be quickly trying to express something, but not very well. Some people will pick up on the less-well-articulated thought and attack the words rather than the intent of the person uttering them. This is unfortunate.
We need to #BeKinder and allow people to find the better words to express their thoughts. This is why we should check our intent. Frequently. We can immediately change the tone of a conversation by adjusting our own intent.
The closer you listen to someone, the more you will learn about them. Some people are a bit sloppy in their word selection. Others have fewer learned words to select from. Listen carefully to people today. Measure their words against their deeds and the intent you believe you are observing. It’s fascinating. Did your waiter really mean, “Have a nice day”? (On a scale of 1-10)
Sometimes we can hurt people’s feelings with our words unintentionally. This is an accident. However, it can seem quite clear sometimes, what someone’s intent is. Sometimes it seems clear their intent is unkind.
Fellow Canadian, Jordan B Peterson, was interviewed on Channel 4 News a couple of years ago. See the video below – it has been viewed 19 million times. It has some topical subjects and is a good case study on intent. What is his and what is hers during the show?
Spoiler: I felt Jordan’s intent was to try to give a thought-through perspective to help the audience get a better understanding of the detail involved in the topics. It felt like Cathy’s intent was to try to provoke or discredit Jordan and show him in a bad light.
What do you think the intent is for both parties involved? You can leave your comment below by adding your thoughts under “Your Thinking…”. (If it is not directly below these words, click on the title of this post (at the top of the page) and it will take you to the comment area).
1+