Your life is your perspective on the world. It doesn’t mean the world is like such and such. It simply means you chose to view the world as that.
If it was like that, then wouldn’t everyone see it that way too? People see it differently not because it is different but their perspective is.
You are where you should be based on those things that have come before. You may prefer to be somewhere else, but you’re on track at the moment.
Everything you have done in life has lead you to this moment. Decisions you have made, and the decisions of others, have all contributed to getting you here. It’s a strange concept to consider sometimes. It can invoke different feelings about the control you have over your life and circumstances.
If you like where you are, you may feel confident and happy. If you do not, you may feel anxious, frustrated or concerned. Either way, you are where you are.
The great news is that you can change things. The quickest way to make a change is to look at things anew with fresh eyes and an open perspective. Gratitude will help quite a bit here. Right now may not be perfect but it is probably better than a Guatemalan jail cell.
You can also look five years ahead and decide that you will be at a different destination at that time. Write the story of what your life will be like then. Note down your age, your relationships, your occupation, wealth, fitness, health and lifestyle. Then decide what you will start to do differently from today to get there in time.
It’s ok. You’re on track.
There are a number of overused phrases and cases of hyperbole in the world at the moment. Perhaps it is occurring now more than ever. ?
This phrase came up while I was reading an article the other day. It noted that, now, more than any other time in history, all people needed to be ‘civically engaged and fight for what’s right’.
I find this to be a throw-away phrase. I doubt the person has thought about what that means. It then makes me wonder whether their other comments will be similar. That ‘add familiar phrase here’ type of writing can be quicker or easier to write. But it may not have as much thoughtful depth as it could have.
I try to consider various reader perspectives when I write – it’s my six chairs test, (in my 24 April 2020 post). Sometimes that means it takes longer to complete the article. However, hopefully it leads to a more accurate delivery of the key thoughts I am having.
I am pretty sure the author meant that she felt it was quite important for people to engage now. I would be surprised if she thought that people had to fight more now for what is right, during this time of relative peace, prosperity, greater equality and improved understanding. Or did she mean we needed to fight more so now than during WW I or II, the US Civil War, the Cold War, or the civil rights movement?
Now more than ever?
You’re unlikely to ever know the optimal route ahead. Just as you are unlikely to ever discover how your ’what if’ moments would have turned out. It depends on millions of actions, reactions and further ripples in your life and others.
Your tastes, perspectives and priorities can change. Whether it is due to time, age, company, awareness or some other matter, how you perceive things can adjust. This can be only slightly or a complete 180 degrees. Some people even do a 360 degree change. Just ask anyone who has divorced someone only to remarry them again later.
Life is such an exact and detailed process. Changing one tiny little thing, on a long trajectory, can land you in such a different place. This idea has been explored in so many different ways. One that springs to mind, as I am in London, is the movie Sliding Doors.
Often people will reflect back on their What If moment and decide everything would be the same, except that one thing better. Rarely do people think they would have died, been poorer, or been in any other less well off situation.
This type of thinking can easily lead back to the expectation versus reality gap. By exaggerating the heightened expectation against an unchangeable reality, you are likely to feel a slight depression. So don’t do that. We won’t ever know, because it depends.
Assume life would have been worse in any other scenario. If you want change, start now, not in the past.
If you are going to have a discussion, the focus should be on the content. Unfortunately far too many people today use an ad hominem reply. That is to say, they attack the character of the person rather than try to understand or discuss the other person’s point of view.
Unfortunately this is a weak debating tool or tactic. It may be effective in the immediate term but it rarely advances any cause.
When someone uses an ad hominem reply, I tend to think less of that person. I will also give extra weight to the other person’s perspective. By sticking to the detail of the discussion point, the focused debater sounds more intelligent and becomes more persuasive.
Not everyone sees it that way.
Sometimes people will ‘pile on’ and cheer the negative personal attacks. They may even add their own insult or character challenge.
One may feel better in the moment for attacking someone this way but it is not helping to further discussions. Be mindful not to fall into this trap.
You are better than this.
If you do not agree with someone’s opinion, you can try to understand it by asking curious questions, not sarcastic ones. You can also simply let them have their opinion. Finally, you could politely explain why you hold a different opinion and then leave it there.
It’s a good idea to look out beyond the hour, day and week. Some people plan important events years in advance. When you plan ahead, it changes your perspective on life, time and prioritisation.
Our life insurance broker rang me today. He wanted to check that I was happy with the cover we had. Was it the right amount, coverage and term (length of time)? All seemed fine.
However, it did get us running a few scenarios. How old would we be in 10, 20 and 30 years? We also needed to calculate how old the kids would be on those dates. The other point to consider was specific life moments falling in those time periods. Big events we considered were; helping with the children’s university costs, business start up costs and/or potential wedding costs.
Planning ahead does make you confront some brutal truths. In particular, it reminds you that you will either be much older one day, or the alternative. And you should consider that ‘much older’ comes with more than simply more candles on your birthday cake. Your health and wellness is likely to change somewhat.
You plan ahead for things that you want such as holidays, concerts and sporting events. So you should also plan ahead for those events that are inevitable, like ageing and the alternative.
Do it now.
We can get fairly worked up over an opinion. A long time ago, I can remember vigorously debating with friends. It’s an opinion, became my overriding thought. I don’t need to change theirs. It doesn’t change the reality.
What is useful is to understand their opinion. A person usually holds a different opinion because they have either received information in a different way to you or they have had a personal experience.
Their opinion is valid. It can take people a very long time to change their perspective and their opinion – ask Copernicus. There are many barriers. Not least of which is being an outcast from one of their dominant tribes.
Try to discover more about their opinion.
Stop and listen. Both sides. See what specific, periphery ideas you can agree on. Note those. Then progress to other common ground. Discover what specific item is you are disagreeing on. Are there any facts you could search the internet for? Are there interviews, podcasts or videos outlining the idea from various perspectives? Is there someone who may be more eloquent with respect to this topic? A third party may reduce the tension and emotion.
Your opinion is simply an opinion based on what you are aware of at the time.
For example, it used to be conventional wisdom that Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ the ‘New World’. For people who had never heard of this land mass before, Chris discovered it. But for the people who lived there, he was a visitor at best.
He didn’t create that new land mass. He went looking for something new and found it. A bit like someone looking for your wallet and jokingly calling out ‘finders keepers‘ when their hand is in your pocket.
When it’s an opinion, let it go calmly.
Life has its challenges. I think there are a lot of challenges that wear people down so think the best of people. Most people are a) trying their best with all the things on their plate and b) with what they are aware of.
The vast majority of people will try to do their best in a given situation. That doesn’t mean their effort or strategy will be the ideal one. This simply means that they will try their best.
We need to consider that they will be aware of different ideas and methods than us. Those ideas and methods may deliver better results or worse, but if the decision is theirs, then we need to live with their decision.
For example, if your sister is driving you to the airport, she gets to decide which roads to take and which speed to drive. You can have your opinion, but she needs to decide and execute. So let her get on with that. You can make suggestions in advance but please don’t make criticisms after the fact.
She would be doing her best. Your sister probably wouldn’t be trying to make it a terrible, lengthy, uncomfortable journey. She would be doing her best, given what she knows about road conditions, traffic patterns, alternate routes and detours.
Think the best of people. They are not perfect. None of us are. Work with them and ask great questions to get their best answers. You’ll have a happier life.
People tend to have an interpretation of things and they usually have an opinion on them too. I do. Seeing things without vision, because of myopia, is unfortunate and so easily improved with a little practice.
Some people aren’t able to see differently, and others choose not to. I enjoy discussing subjects with anyone who can offer an interesting angle and has put some thought behind it. I may challenge the points, and even disagree in the end, but it is worth the discussion to expand my realm of thinking.
Recently, I’ve been quoting a saying about hammers and nails around the house more frequently. It summarises my thought on why it is easy for people to be seeing things without vision. It is also difficult, without practice, to see from a different perspective to the one that popped into your mind first.
I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.
Abraham Maslow
I love a curious mind. One that is willing to challenge their own thoughts and programming. I challenge my own thoughts frequently and try to learn why, when and because of whom, that I think certain thoughts. It can be difficult to stop, think and enquire, but it is a great exercise to get to know yourself better.
We have all faced significant headwinds in our lives and leaning into the challenges ahead will be similar. There will be days where you will be feeling overwhelmed and maybe beaten, but you will press on and get through this.
I am always amazed at people’s tenacity and inner strength when they decide to get through something. The absolute power that we possess inside is quite incredible. By taking each day and each hour as it comes we can get through just about anything.
There are 1,440 minutes in a day and there are 84 days in 12 weeks. So we have 120,960 minutes to enjoy or persevere through at this unique time in the UK. When it is all going well, it will go by quick. Though there will be times when you will feel like the clock has stopped. Either way, stay focused on the bright side of everything.
Enjoy every minute of this unique period in time. Amazing things will happen in your relationships and your life in general, if you stay focused and approach everything, and everyone, with the best intent.
If the challenges get too much, put yourself in a 5 minute time out. Do some slow, deep breathing and relax your mind and thoughts. Remember that in the moment, everything is super important and feels like it really matters. However, the events of that moment are unlikely to be remembered 200 years from now.
If I get too caught up in the moment, I mentally picture myself shooting up into space, all while looking down as the ground disappears below me. As I am rising up, the streets get smaller and I see other cities. As I go higher, the details blur into cities, farmland, forest and large bodies of water. Soon I’m floating in space and looking down at this little blue ball, balanced perfectly in an orbit in space, which has seen wars, peace, contagion and warmth.
In that moment, I remember how significantly insignificant what is happening probably is in the very grand scheme of things. So I breathe and smile as I return back down to earth. Refreshed with perspective, I am once again prepared for the challenges ahead. Try this a few times and let me know if it works for you.
