It can be very hard to feel what another person is feeling in the moment. Even if you have gone through the same or similar experience, the lense you look through from all your life experience will be different.
We try to notice one or two key elements and think we are same same. But there are millions of other factors that can enhance or deepen the experience for one person compared to another.
Thanks AC.
There was an ad in the 80’s that we used to quote often and the key line was, “Is it real or is it Memorex?”. It was promoting the incredible sound recording on a cassette tape. With AI improving day by day, we may start saying something similar. Don’t get fooled.
I find it fascinating watching people discuss a topic. Often they will use facts and reasonable points but reach different conclusions. How you see things is a massive determinant in your life.
The US initial jobless claims have been announced by the US Department of Labour. It noted that the weekly claims were down about 110,000. It was roughly 1 million last week. This week it was 880,000. The comparable week in 2019 was circa 179,000.
So some people have noted that there is a downward trend in the weekly jobless claims, which there is. Other people noted that, compared to last year, the jobless claims are about 4.5 times higher, which it is. Both parties are right but they choose different data to make their point.
Some people will emphasise that things are getting better. They may want the incumbent President re-elected so promote the good news. Or their business may depend on the economy improving so they are sounding optimistic in the hopes others will be too. The opposite is also true. In addition, if you want or need more government money, you may highlight the negative numbers.
How you see things is not always clear cut. You often see things to suit the narrative you have in your mind already. With a cloudy vision, you can make decisions detrimental to your future.
It is wonderful to have great expectations. Having them also brings you hope for a better future. However, the expectations v reality gap (ER Gap), must be monitored closely as it can destroy your mind.
Our own expectations for our life, and the world around us, is often being recalibrated. This is usually in an upward trajectory. For example, it feels good to believe that I will make more money, have a better relationship, progress in my career and be healthier. The opposite is not very encouraging or motivating.
It is useful to have expectations surpassing our current reality. Doing this gives you hope and an objective to strive toward. This will help to motivate you to take action toward fulfilling those expectations.
However, there are two cautions to be noted.
Firstly, be careful not to let your expectations get too far ahead of your reality. It is easier to get disheartened if you are chasing the big dream and not seeming to make any progress. Remember to divide up your goal and expectations into steps or levels. As your reality reaches the next level you will gain momentum. Then you can recalibrate to focus on the next step in the process.
The second caution is to recalibrate your expectations downward when your reality is negatively impacted. So if your career, school grades, finances, health or athletic goals suffer a setback, recalibrate your expectations. You can do this by adding in a few more steps to your timeline. You can also extend your timeline out a little.
These two cautions are very important for your mental health. If the expectations v reality gap gets too wide, you will torment yourself and cause undue stress in your life.
Mind the Gap and stay out of the ER (A&E).
What does seven years in the Hanoi Hilton have in common with Covid lockdown? Perhaps it is The Stockdale Paradox. You must confront the brutal facts while emphatically maintaining that you will survive, and thrive, despite them.
I first became aware of The Stockdale Paradox almost two decades ago when I was reading Jim Collins’ fascinating book, “Good to Great”. The book is the result of a study of the differentiating factors between long term success and short term blips.
In the book, James Stockdale is brought up. Despite having survived seven years of seriously harsh POW treatment, he seemed to have survived the ordeal and feel stronger for it. Let’s all hope that whatever our personal circumstances are, or become, we can say the same after this Covid experience.
It is important to confront the brutal facts of our current reality. And equally critical, we must have unwavering belief that we will overcome whatever difficulties we encounter and emerge stronger on the other side.
Admiral Stockdale said it was the optimists that struggled and sometimes didn’t make it through. I can understand that. However, I will add that perhaps it was the impatient folks that struggled most. The one’s that wanted it over quickly, in addition to those that were hopeful about the outcome.
Think about your expectations and sprinkle some patience in there. The 1918 Pandemic lasted 2 years. It doesn’t mean this one will be difficult for some or all of that time though. So stay positive, and patient, and be ready to overcome whatever comes your way.
