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Ask Powerful Questions

Posted on May 5, 2020

Ask, “Where do I want to be?”, not “Where will I end up?”. When you ask powerful questions, you are more likely to get empowering answers.

“Where do I want to be?”, is a question which implies control, desire and passion. It suggests possibility. The question asks you to open your mind and dream, to consider all the limitless possibilities. It allows you to be honest with yourself.

If you feel yourself holding back, shrinking, feeling unworthy, uneasy or in any way uncomfortable, then press on! Give yourself permission to explore those thoughts that you think may be out of reach for you. Practice taking your mind to the edge of uncomfortable and driving right on through.

If you’re feeling anxious, reframe that feeling to excitement. Same feeling in your body, but use a more powerful word to describe it. Get your mind on top of it and surf the wave of uncertainty. Stop letting yourself get dragged under water in the undertow. Be determined and fight for control of your own mind and the thoughts you allow it to think.

“Where will I end up?”, is a question that implies no control, no vision and no effort. It is as if you are drifting along in a predetermined river. Well, you are not a fish. Get up and go find yourself a better river, cleaner lake or large ocean where your opportunities are better.

Ask better questions of yourself. Ask powerful questions that bring you face to face with your fears and dreams. Press on through from uncomfortable to unstoppable.

If you do, you will be able to achieve anything.

Action Gratitude Reframe your thoughts

Feeling Low – Where Do You Go?

Posted on April 2, 2020

What are the best resources for resilience? When you are feeling low – where do you go? To whom or to what do you turn to? There are some great resources out there to help pick you up, re-energise and re-focus.

Certainty of outcome:
Right now, we are in such a unique moment in time. It feels like the whole planet is on the same page, or at least reading the same book. Sometimes, as with a riveting book, I’d love to sneak a peak at the last few pages. Seeing how this plays out, and when, would provide everyone with some certainty. It would probably give a lot of people a level of comfort and let them relax into it a little more.

However, just like every book or movie, we won’t know how it ends until we get there. We need to live through the twists and turns with resilience knowing there is an end and it will be fine.

Perspective:
Looking back four months ago, you may not have realised how amazing your life was then. As I wrote recently, we often don’t know what we’ve got til it’s gone. This is probably one of those moments for a large portion of the population in so many countries already.

Feeling low – Where do you go?:
To re-energise or re-frame things, some of the best tips I have, that work for me are: Going for a run, writing something positive in a journal, listening to a favourite couple of songs rather loudly and singing along, or writing what’s on my mind to ‘get it out’.

A great book to read, and write in like a workbook, is Dale Carnegie’s classic, ‘How to stop worrying and start living’. It’s got some incredible stories in it and great lessons and tactics to use too.

There are also some amazing resources online. These are based in the UK, but please add any from your country or others you think would help. Free therapy or counselling through the NHS. Info for Children and young people.

Helping Others:
If you can spare a minute, please answer the question, ‘Feeling low – where do you go?’. Click on the title of this post and scroll to the bottom of the page and leave your best tips in the comments.

With readers from across the UK, USA, Canada, Australia and dozens of other countries, maybe we could get a little compendium of top tips listed. It could help people, from around the world, to better deal with the new normal.

Knowing that you may may have helped someone get through their day will pick you up too, and hopefully leave you smiling.

Reframe your thoughts

Starting With Perfect

Posted on April 1, 2020

If you expect people and things to be perfect, then you may be in for some pretty big disappointments in life. If you are starting with perfect, every other outcome is, sadly, going to be inferior.

I find my own frustrations rise when I use the word ‘should’. It’s a funny word. It’s how we think things ought to be based on our experience, desired pleasure and avoidance of pain. So why should any of us get to decide all on our own how things should be? Be careful if your base case is always starting with perfect. Especially if it is your particular view of perfect.

This reminds me of a Jim Rohn quote.

Don’t curse all you’ve got. When you get your own planet, you can rearrange this whole deal. This one you’ve got to take like it comes.
Jim Rohn

Jim has so many brilliant sayings. Search for him on YouTube, Google or click here.

Should is a word we gently encourage our children to use less and less. Unless they are going to take action and push for the change themselves, then that is fine. In which case, the word switches from ‘should’ to ’must’. Tony Robbins is known for saying that we don’t get our ’shoulds’, we only get our ’musts’.

If you think everything should be different, you will find life to be a constant battle. But, if you can accept that nothing is perfect, you will thrive. All those imperfections create diversity and uniqueness. It can be amazing, if you let it be.

You should give it a try. ??

Reframe your thoughts

“Change Your Thoughts And You Change Your World”

Posted on March 8, 2020

It sounds so easy. But it can be so difficult. Part of the challenge comes when you try to change your thoughts, maybe to something more empowering, but you have a hard time seeing something from a different perspective. It’s like when we asked, “Is fire good or bad?”.

It is particularly hard to change your thoughts when your current thoughts are so entwined with who you actually are or how you self-identify. For example, if you self-identify as a Democrat, you may not be able to see the good in any Republican policy or in anyone who self-identifies as a Republican. Accepting something or someone you have spent your time disliking can be a challenge, even if the policy is good or the Republican is an excellent person.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Norman Vincent

Try to understand, and even accept, other people’s perspectives. Understand that your understanding of a person’s position helps the world get closer. Being closer to others makes the world a better place. It is a small price to pay, shifting a little from your hard line self-identity, for greater communication and global understanding.

See the world in a different way. Accept that it could be a better way. Try living with the shift in your thinking and your world.

Give people a reason to change their thoughts and then allow people to change their mind.

Action Observe Reframe your thoughts

Focus On The Outcome You Want

Posted on February 22, 2020

This seems to be the highest probability way to get what you want in life. If you are not getting things that you want, check your word selection and order, listen carefully to your self-talk and be mindful of the questions you ask and statements you make: even in jest.

As you focus on achieving the outcome you are looking for, your mind gathers information, evidence, options, connections and other relevant materials to make this work.

The same is true if you happen to mention things you don’t want. This is why people that happen to mention the negative outcome they don’t want, seem to attract the negative outcome.

It is not a guaranteed way for things to work out positively or negatively, but there seems to be a higher probability that what you focus on, speak about, think through and ‘see’, is more likely to come to pass.

Just try framing things in a positive, specific way each time you refer to something. Catch yourself when you say things using a negative or it is the opposite of what you want. For example, “What if she says no?” Could be reframed to, “What if she says yes?”. “I don’t want to spend hours shopping, I don’t have time today”, could become, “I want to be quick and select only the things I need and clearly want so I can be done in 20 minutes.”

Give it a try today. See if you can spot when you‘re framing something in the negative. Give yourself some kudos if you find yourself framing or re-framing in the positive. If you don’t already do this, it can take some time to become a habit. It is worth it though. Good luck!

Financial Observe Reframe your thoughts

Money Mindset

Posted on February 12, 2020

It is fascinating to observe how differently people engage with the topic of money. As with most things, it is a learned behaviour, usually from parents, extended family, family friends and primary school.

As with other habits and patterns of thinking, a person, with a little curiosity, an open mind and a growth mindset, can change their views and relationship with money to improve all things money related in their life.

They will, of course, have to do their own pushups on this one. Though there are loads of useful resources to help with a money mindset transformation. T Harv Eker and Jen Sincero have good and enjoyable books on the topic to get people started.

My challenge to you today is to think about your money mantras for a few minutes. Figure out your earliest memory of those mantras, as well as who said them or reinforced them, and then consider how they might just be impacting your life. Hint: It may not be in a good way.

Here are a few common phrases to get you started:

Money is bad (it is not good or bad, it’s just a thing),
Money is the root of all evil (Is it? Or is it just a medium of exchange? Is your paycheck evil? Besides, the phrase is often misquoted from 1Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. – Here it seems to be referring to greed or avarice – one of the seven deadly sins – whereby greed is an intense and selfish desire.
We can’t afford it (Try asking, ‘How could we afford it, or something similar?’ – It’s much more empowering)
Rich people are jerks (or crooks). (Now some may be, and some won’t be. There’s no point being richist. Is your commentary based on a sample size of one? Are you just parroting what the journalist/paper wants you to think?

Observe Progress Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Judging Me Too

Posted on February 6, 2020

A build on yesterday’s post about judging. The opening line was, “It’s something most people do to others”. I should have added, “and ourselves too.” because we know we are frequently our own harshest critic. We take the worst comments people have said about us and absorb those as reality rather than dismissing them as the outliers that they really are.

Use the bell curve, for all comments, to asses where on that spectrum you might realistically be and hold that as your minimum truth. Your mother might think you are amazing so that is an outlier at the one end of the spectrum and your worst critic might say the harshest things, creating an outlier at the other end of the spectrum. Then most of the other people are generally in the middle. Use their commentary on you: Not the worst critic.

Criticising is similar to assessing, though they tend to be the negative and positive word for the action. Then you judge and lock in a conclusion. So be super careful which area on the spectrum you lock in your own judgement. This is not a time to be self-deprecating or shy or to play down anything. This is you, talking to you, and about to pass judgement on yourself. You’ve heard from the various witnesses and you’ve weighed up their comments, within the context they were given, and now it is your turn to assess whether you lock away your potential for a lifetime sentence or if you can see the greatness in you, beyond a reasonable doubt.

If your past has not been well constructed, in the context of all people that have ever lived (not just the saints), then you can start again with a restart. If it has been fairly normal with a mix of good and less than great, you can make things better from this moment. But give yourself a break today. Judge the Whole You, over your lifetime, and not just a few silly mistakes.

You deserve the best mind coach in the world. Start with the one inside you already.

Observe Reframe your thoughts Think About It

Stories We Tell Ourselves

Posted on February 4, 2020

Stories are often easier to remember than just the facts on their own. Additionally, stories tend to have more depth and nuance than facts, so they tend to invoke specific feelings. Stories can also be embellished, intentionally or unknowingly. With stories, we can highlight different elements depending on our mood, our audience or our intent.

A simple example of this is how you describe the big party you attended Saturday night. It is usually a little differently highlighted when retelling it to your friends rather then your boss or mother-in-law.

Stories are also personal. Those that strike a chord with us are more easily remembered. Given that decisions are based on emotions first, and personal stories are in our lives because they invoke an emotion, we probably allow stories too much influence over many of our own decisions in life.

“I would do that, but I am not smart enough.” “I have always struggled with my weight.” “My mother always said I was like that.” “I won’t go for that promotion because my teacher said I wasn’t very good at public speaking.” “I’m too old.”

These are all examples of the type of stories that hold people back from achieving their personal potential.

However, as with a tv (or website), we can change the channel and thereby the story that it is playing. Although we can choose to stay on this channel, while we believe and live out the current stories we tell ourselves, we can also choose to change the channel and change the stories we tell ourselves. You always have a choice.

Listen closely to those unhelpful stories that swirl in your head and are too readily voiced.

Then, create new, more empowering, and exciting stories for your life. And repeat.

Go on. Change the channel.

Action Reframe your thoughts

Grouping Can Be Misleading

Posted on January 28, 2020

Canadians are, Brits do, Americans like. Africans think, Latinos say, Asians believe.

I can’t change how everyone communicates, but I’m sure global communication would improve if people made more realistic statements about the group of people they were actually talking about.

I saw a tweet about how, “Canadians criticise Trudeau” for buying $4 doughnuts that were locally sourced, and made, in Winnipeg. It was just some Canadians, not all 37 million. The headline wasn’t clear how many Canadians were criticising, but I tend to read these things as “all” rather than say two hundred. There is a big difference.

Perhaps media rules could be implemented so that when referring to a group of people, the headline must indicate proportionality. So the headline could have started with “100’s of Canadians criticise Trudeau”. This headline doesn’t excite or intrigue as much as the other, but then it shouldn’t.

While we’re at it, perhaps media outlets, and all providers of content, should also be required to include phrases like, “in my opinion” or “in this papers view”. And wouldn’t it be fun if there was a little penalty for those that say things like, “it’s a well known fact” – when it is actually an opinion or simply made up.

Reframe your thoughts Think About It

200 Years Ago

Posted on January 27, 2020

History repeats itself. Or, more accurately, as Bon Jovi sang, in his 1980’s mega hit, Wanted Dead Or Alive, “It’s all the same, only the names will change”.

People, things, events, activities and outcomes, tend to be very similar to those in the last 200 to 2,000 years. We still eat, communicate and travel, though maybe we’ve swapped hunting for grocery stores, telegraphs for mobiles and horses for aeroplanes. It’s all the same thing, just faster, better, shinier – but you still get the same outcome.

I have to look back about 200 years, at least, to remind myself of a truer sense of the basics of life: how things were without the modern world overlaid on it.

If you only looked back 50 years, you’d still think Final Salary Pensions were the norm and home ownership should be in the region of 70%, etc. You could fool yourself into thinking that things are getting worse or that this new generation is missing out on all the great things that the last one had.

The reality is though, that the last several decades have dramatically skewed many people’s view of the world and what expectations people might or should have. Now if you want to suffer the deep challenges of the Expectation versus Reality Gap, go right ahead and think about life based on recent history.

However, if you want to overcome this ER Gap trap that can lead you into darkness and a depressive state, then I highly recommend thinking about things through a 200 – 500 year lens to remind you how far things have actually progressed. And yet, it’s all the same.