Do you read something and assume it’s all true or do you mull it over? Think things through from both sides, even if it makes you uncomfortable to consider opposing or alternative thoughts.
We may not always like the truth but the truth will set you free.
Mostly people react to things. They can do this quickly based on feelings. Try to move from react to respond to thoughtful engagement.
Try to notice bias and see if it makes a difference once you shift from feelings based to critical thinking based considerations.
Because life can be pretty full on, fast paced, full and exhausting, our brains naturally look for shortcuts. They want to use the least amount of energy and do the minimal amount of work.
For these reasons, it prefers shortcuts, generalisations, easy references and common phrases especially when they work with any biases we are holding.
We tend to use words from our work or industry, religion or culture. Doctors may use the term ‘stat’, office workers will ‘circle back’ and sportspeople get ‘in the zone’.
It is unlikely, or rare, to hear people using other groups’ words or terms. It’s hard to imagine an NBA coach telling his players to pass the ball to the point guard stat.
This helps explain why people that watch the same news channels or read similar newspapers, will see things similarly and speak the same.
Rather than think things through, and assess things in their own mind, the shortcut is to accept what they are hearing and seeing, summarise it in generalisations and pass it on. People in their group think will understand the summary terms and distill it further. Like the telephone game, the theme may remain similar but the actual details may get distorted.
Don’t let this happen to you. Think for yourself. Put the extra bit of work in, especially if you will get involved in a conversation. Also give people time and space to reflect and ask questions. Allow people to think, even if it’s different to you.
Even when passions run high, remember to use your head to check yourself.
This can be so difficult to identify. Have you ever tried to untangle your thoughts and feelings about even a simple sentence said by someone else?
Each word spoken can have different meanings or perspectives and be bound by different time constraints by the speaker or listener. Take the following sentence, for example: “He was so demanding of his children, it seemed cruel at times.”
There are so many ways to look at these words and I will mention a few here. What does “was” mean really? Could it be he was that way once, when the speaker saw it? Perhaps he was like that occasionally, often or always?
The word “demanding” can be used with different context. Demanding can mean high standards and in a good way. I would want the head of engineering at an airline, or my neurosurgeon, to be demanding of their team and tools.
Although, demanding at the other extreme could indicate harshness, cruelty, and unnecessary rigour.
How old or capable are his children? It can make a big difference if they are 3 or 38 years old or have some mental or physical limitations versus someone without those extra challenges.
Whose definition of cruel was being used? Was it challenging in the short term but would be more helpful in the longer term?
So much interpretation can go into one sentence. A person can misunderstand or misinterpret it with relative ease. It would be wise to guard against that. Ask more questions with less judgement or leading commentary.
Trying to understand what someone was thinking is quite different to trying to attribute a thought or sentiment to someone just because it’s what you want to hear and believe, through your biased lens, that that is what they meant.
Media, influencers, politicians and even your friends and family use the jump in thinking to bring you to a conclusion of their choice.
They’ll state something most people can broadly agree with so you’re nodding your head in agreement. Then they add in words like, “that means”, “what will happen next is” or “obviously…”, to name a few.
They then jump to their point and how they think, or want you to think, things will play out next. If they say it with confidence and certainty, you are more likely to make the jump with them and adopt their point of view.
Harmless enough over minor things like who the best drummer in the world is but less so when discussing more impactful issues.
Some people are very good at bringing you along with them without you stopping to think. However, with all “this then that” commentary and any future guessing, you certainly should stop and think about the statement. Ask questions like, “Is that the only possible outcome?”, “Has this person been right on all of their other guesses about how the future will unfold or why a person is like that?” or, “has this happened frequently or rarely in history?”.
It’s easy to simply go with the thought on offer. However, once you let others influence how you think, they have more control over your life than you’d imagine. If you think the Russian media might be overly biased or misleading in their coverage, have you considered that the media you consume could be similar?
Often people go with their first thought or feeling on things.
First or worst thought.
They react. They don’t think or consider. No six chairs thinking for them. Their first instinct of fear, concern, flight and fight are overwhelming. Monkey brain takes over.
Pause for a moment. Consider a few other options. Has the opposing view ever happened to you or in some instances you are aware of? Then relax. As it probably has.
At least get to 2nd Step thinking. Show you have some ability to assess things rationally. You can still prefer your outcome. But remember, others have their personal reasons for wanting their outcomes. It doesn’t mean one is more right or wrong in the universe. So don’t act like it.
Good luck! ?
Think better, feel better.
Really make an effort on thinking better in 2022. Use the six chairs and learn to understand other opinions. You do not have to agree with them. Though a little effort trying to understand the viewpoint goes a long way to a better life and society.
Happy New Thinking!!!
Seriously. Actually thinking. Not remembering. Not reacting. Try thinking about your thoughts, beliefs and values. Think about your philosophical and political views. You should even think about your habits.
What habits do you have? Why do you have them? What did you have for breakfast this morning? Why?
When someone engages with you, really think about what they are saying and why they might be saying it. Become more curious. Get off auto-pilot. It’s harder than you think at first, if you’re really trying. But it does get easier. Try thinking.
Think is the first step of seven in my upcoming book, Achieve Anything. I’m happy to say the book was sent to the printers earlier this week and pre-ordering should be starting soon. Stay tuned!
If you are going to have a discussion, the focus should be on the content. Unfortunately far too many people today use an ad hominem reply. That is to say, they attack the character of the person rather than try to understand or discuss the other person’s point of view.
Unfortunately this is a weak debating tool or tactic. It may be effective in the immediate term but it rarely advances any cause.
When someone uses an ad hominem reply, I tend to think less of that person. I will also give extra weight to the other person’s perspective. By sticking to the detail of the discussion point, the focused debater sounds more intelligent and becomes more persuasive.
Not everyone sees it that way.
Sometimes people will ‘pile on’ and cheer the negative personal attacks. They may even add their own insult or character challenge.
One may feel better in the moment for attacking someone this way but it is not helping to further discussions. Be mindful not to fall into this trap.
You are better than this.
If you do not agree with someone’s opinion, you can try to understand it by asking curious questions, not sarcastic ones. You can also simply let them have their opinion. Finally, you could politely explain why you hold a different opinion and then leave it there.
