When you describe someone, be mindful how you do it. Is there room for interpretation or misunderstanding? What if some overheard you? Would they understand the context?
Sometimes people exaggerate in the moment. There are several reasons why. But check yourself before you announce someone has done one thing but you level them with a much harsher charge. That’s plain wrong.
Why does party sound more fun than discipline or focus? Party and focus are both five letters long. They weigh the same. However, their associations are different and so is the sound they make.
Being a liberal often sounds more fun and enjoyable than being a conservative, but it doesn’t mean it is better. Think about different words as you go through the week ahead and weigh them against each other.
If you’re planning something or having a chat, debate or discussion, it’s useful to define the key words first.
Pants in the UK are underwear in Canada. This is a minor but funny one.
When someone says they’ll call you first thing tomorrow, if it’s important, it’s a good idea to confirm an actual time.
One word getting a lot of air time at the moment is the word ban.
In a car context, if I drove on a road with a speed limit, you would not say cars were banned on this road. Yes, there is some regulation of the cars, but most people would not say cars are banned on that road.
If there were construction crews on the road ahead, and traffic was being regulated differently than some other nearby roads, most people would not say cars were banned on this road. They would recognise the different driving conditions, but they would not usually claim that they’ve been banned from that road.
Bear this in mind while consuming news and social media over the days and weeks ahead. Understand what the differences are, especially the limits, as differing limits are not the same as a ban.
Engaging with someone can be tricky business. There is a lot of room for error and misunderstanding. Decoding communications can be helpful but you need to be aware of the pitfalls.
Have you ever thought, “There is no way they can disagree with this point”. And then the other persons finds a way. Why is that? What happened between your very clear and concise thought and their response to it?
First there is your intent. That is reflected in how you say something. Are you being bossy, suggestive, argumentative or condescending?
Then there are also the words you use and the order you use them. Words can mean different things to different people at different times. For example, we often get a giggle at our house when referring to pants. For the Canadian parents, pants are trousers. Whereas the British children more commonly know pants as underwear. But there are other words which can elicit quite strong emotional responses.
There is also the element of who is saying it. “You are chatting again”, might have a very different impact on a couple of teenagers if it comes from their teacher. But if it is said by a friend at lunch time, it might come across with more humour.
Decoding communications can be challenging. These are just some of the issues you can encounter.
Listen to the words you use. Notice which words others select for their articles and speeches. The words you choose define you.
Remember that what you direct your mind to focus on, your brain will execute. Your mind will also absorb what it sees. Then you tend to become what has been absorbed. So be careful what you watch, read and listen to as it will affect your mood, anxiety and tension.
“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger… anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering.”
Yoda
Recall Anakin was a happy young boy. However Tusken Raiders captured his Mom and tortured her. His fears turned to anger and quickly to intense hate which did indeed lead to suffering. Immediate suffering for the entire Tusken Raider group and extensive long term mental suffering for Anakin.
He said he hated them and they were animals. Then he became what he said they were. His focus on hate led him to became an uncontrollable animal that brought more fear and suffering to more people.
The words you use choose define you. And those you hear, and the pictures you see, have an impact on who you become. If you find yourself feeling a little anxious, tense or moody these days, reduce your exposure to the information you are consuming. Or at least the sources it is coming from.
Yesterday I wrote about using the power of belief. I also suggested you write out strong, empowering words. These are some powerful words to get you started.
The following phrases are suggestions for you to use and build on. Thinking about it, when they were suggested yesterday, is one level. Thinking about them adds a higher level. Seeing some written will put you at an even higher level of probability that you will use this technique.
If you then go and write these out yourself, you will feel even more empowered by them and this technique. You can then create your own list of words and phrases that trigger you to feel brilliant, confident and unstoppable. Read your list twice a day, at a minimum.
I am delighted to be awake again. Today is going to be a great day. Every opportunity to do so, I will be the most positive and enthusiastic person I know. My mind is clear and focused. I am mentally strong, confident and powerful. I have accomplished incredible, enjoyable and wonderful things in my life so far.
My future looks exceptionally bright and prosperous. I have the ability, talent, skills, discipline and desire to achieve anything. I will make daily progress towards my goals while being grateful for my very fortunate life.
These are some powerful words to get you started. You will have to do your own pushups from here. I can lead the horse to water but I can’t make you drink. If you want real change in your life, start with something simple and highly effective like this. Then we can move on swiftly, with this daily habit established.
Type a question into Google and it will search, very quickly, and find the answer for you.
Your brain works the same way for questions. Your brain will search for the answer.
So be careful what question you ask it, especially out of frustration. For example, sometimes we use self talk, like, “Why am I so stupid?”, after having done something that seems a little silly to have done (Like forget our keys in the house, leave our tickets on the counter, or miss an appointment.)
Your brain is now required to search for, and find, an answer, or five, that could be correct, just like Google does. (Hopefully you don’t get 17,563,897 responses in one millisecond for that question!). Like Google, your brain tends to find answers that have been given frequently, recently or that others think is correct.
It does not mean it is correct, and the source of the answer may be a bit suspect (your sister or brother, that old boss who was a tyrant, your difficult classmate when you were eight years old, or an ineffective teacher from your past).
So please be very careful what you say, or ask, out loud, or under your breath. Your brain is compelled to give you an answer to that question. Rather, ask those slightly rhetorical questions that you would love to hear the answer to. Perhaps, “What makes me such a great friend?”, “How kind am I?”, “How can I set up my environment to succeed next time”.
Your brain is super powerful. Use it for good and to support you. Try preparing and practicing a few helpful questions right now, and then again throughout the day. Selecting better words, in a better order, and forming better questions, will be life-changing. Go on, give it a try.
