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Category: Reframe your thoughts
CategoriesReframe your thoughts
Your Win Is Humanity’s Loss
Do you always have to win? Is your perspective the only one allowed? Sometimes your win is humanity’s loss. Be mindful of this.
You see, we all come at things from different perspectives (see my Six Chairs blog post). Some will share the same or similar view while others will be the polar opposite. That is usually fine.
Arguing the point for ‘a win’ is rarely beneficial though. Noting the differences in the conversation and understanding all the various data points is useful. But trying to make the other adopt your perspective, as if it were their own, does not make sense.
It is ok for you to like blue and your friend to like orange. If you like Chelsea and they like Man United, that is fine. No need to name call, disparage or block. Simply accepting that someone else has a different view is better for the whole world and society at large.
Remember that the other person has their experiences and may have different cultural influences. They may have also held these views for many years or decades. So expecting, or insisting, that they change or shift their view in a two hour discussion seems unreasonable.
Let others keep their view. But let them understand the reasons behind your position too. The stories and data have a greater chance of swaying them then militant necessity.
Your win is humanity’s loss. Let it be.
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Your Shifting Identity
Everything and everyone we come in contact with affects us in some way. With each interaction or experience, your shifting identity will move again.
We exist in a constant stream of movement. Remember when you met a person and agreed to catch up for coffee or a drink? That changed your life trajectory some amount. You were curious and invested some time and money in this new relationship.
The conversation you had may have shifted your thoughts or mindset in one direction or another. Or it may have just re-affirmed your position on everything. Although usually you come away from new encounters with at least one new perspective.
And, this time investment may have meant that you did not meet someone else. Some people are on the exit path of your life and others are bounding down the arrivals gangway. People are coming and going. Some are gaining prominence in your life while others remain idle or disappear.
Your thoughts, convictions and values are doing this all the time too. It is like you are trying to find the right combination on a large combination lock. You are shifting and moving or locking things into place.
Sometimes this process will be joyful while other times the pain of identity shifting will almost break you. You might long for the person you were but can’t see a way back there. Or you might be excited for the future. Not knowing how things will shift can be intriguing or unnerving.
Regardless, your shifting identity continues.
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Your Choices Create You
With every choice you make, you create your future. Each decision about people, places and things matter. Your choices create you as you select environment, friends and behaviours.
All the choices you have made have got you where you are now. Your decisions have influenced where you live. They also determined your income, family makeup, clothes you wear and hobbies you have.
Every choice you have made, big or small, has moved you in a direction. Your current situation is a result of all those decisions. Hopefully it is mostly good. If there are any areas you would like to change, you need to make different decisions for your future.
Want to stop drinking? Make different decisions than you do now. Decide to not go to the pub. Or, if you do, drink tea, water or soft drinks. Don’t bring alcohol into the house and you won’t be able to drink at home.
If you want to get your fitness up, then you need to start exercising more. Stop smoking or vaping. Eat healthier foods. Hang around different people. You will succeed quicker if you have healthier people around you. Also, decide to see yourself as a fit and healthy person. This one decision will have a huge impact on your results.
Your choices create you. Keep making better ones every day.
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Keep It Courteous
It is fine to have a difference of opinion. It is one way for us to learn about things we weren’t aware of before. But keep it courteous.
If you find yourself getting agitated and speaking more rapidly, it is time to take a breather. Take a few deep breathes and try to regroup on the key topic again. Alternatively, you could try to get back on to a point that you both agreed on. Then you could build from there.
Refrain from handing out an insult, no matter how much you want to or they ‘deserve it.’ Insults weaken your position. People who don’t have a strong grasp of the facts or have a weak case, might try to sway the crowd with an unnecessary comment. Don’t fall to this.
Take some breaths. Regroup your thoughts. Concede an agreeable part of the point. But stay away from the emotional comment. It may play to your audience (see yesterday’s post), but even many of them will notice you ran out of solid material. You get a short term ‘win’ but don’t really look like a winner.
It may not feel as good as unloading on someone and making derisory comments, but you will be better for it.
Keep it courteous.
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Play To Your Crowd
If you want cheers, adulation and support, this is your strategy. If you want the easy route to happiness, play to your crowd.
It is so much easier to play to your cheering, adoring fans. You can bring them along and know what they like. You know their trigger points. Getting them to cheer you on and encourage your commentary happens with ease.
However, this often means they hold an opposing view on the topic compared to many others. So rather than rile people up into some agitated mob, you could use your power for good.
You could weave in elements of the topic which could bring some closer together. Not going for the dramatic in tone and vocabulary could take some of the emotion and heat out of the topic. Adding some useful and balanced information would help people understand the issue better.
The challenge is, this takes a very brave person to do it. Many people prefer the limelight and the euphoria. Few want to do what is better for society for fear of being cast out of their tribe.
When considering what is better, be clear if it is better for you or the greater good. You could help mend fences and build a better future.
Try to inform and influence rather than simply play to your crowd.
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Look For Light Everyday
Try this. Every day for the next 7 days find the good in everything you can. Look for the light everyday. Sometimes it can be hard to see. This is especially true if you tend to find something wrong or things that could or should be better.
Appreciate whatever it is for just being there. Remember that the world is just people trying to do their thing as best they can in their moment. Sure everything could be perfect. We should all think perfectly and speak perfectly and have perfect manners. Of course though, perfect in just the vision you have in your mind.
Your idea of perfect might be the opposite to my idea of it. You might think people should get free strawberry ice cream every day. I might think perfect is free vanilla ice cream.
But if you can look for the good in people, places and events, you will train your mind to be happier or at least more appreciative. If we train our mind one way, it can be hard to train it another way. So it is better if you can train it just once. Try to have positive thoughts.
Look for light everyday. Let it become easier with practice.
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Science Is Not Natural
Nature exists. Science modifies or enhances it. Banana trees are natural. Breast implants are not. Science is not natural. It is not nature in its natural state. Many good things exist due to science and scientists. Although there have been a few less than desirable creations too.
People have greatly benefitted from scientific and medical breakthroughs. Insulin for diabetics is one intervention that is wonderful. Heart valves and pumps are other great contributions that have also greatly impacted lives of loved ones.
If it were not for the scientific discoveries, we would have far more babies, youth and aging people dying than we do. The population of the planet would be far less. Without hospitals, medical interventions, drugs and equipment, life could look a lot more like the 1600’s.
However, these are not natural, nor is it nature at work. Strictly speaking.
Yes, the ingredients come from nature as do the scientists who formulate or create the items. But, it is not nature itself. Science is kind of a form of cheating. We are changing outcomes based on unnatural interventions.
Science does help create a lot of good in the world. And the good seems to outweigh the bad.
Just to clarify though, science is not natural.
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Start Together When Debating
Start together when debating. Ensure you’re both starting from The Alamo. Ensure you both want to get to Times Square. Once you’re clear on where you will start and finish, your discussion will be more fruitful.
Often I begin a conversation with someone and we do not set out the key point in advance. Casual conversations start this way most of the time. It is only when you get to a point where you don’t see eye to eye that any issues occur.
Before getting further involved in those conversations, it can be useful to be clear on what the different perspectives are. When I say to be clear, I mean get quite specific. Most often people will disagree on different points in the discussion. Without being clear and specific, you might think you are discussing the same point. However, I frequently notice that people are talking about the same topic but different points within it.
For example, let’s say the topic was crime. We could even be discussing the idea of whose fault it is that we have crime. Some people will consider it to be the fault of the parents, the person themself, the government for creating the laws, the police for enforcing the laws and a number of other things.
It is best to pick one specific item and discuss it at length. If you start together when debating, you may realise you have more in common then you thought.
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