CategoriesActionObserveReframe your thoughts

Is Fire Good Or Bad?

If your house burned down when you were young, your perception of fire could be skewed to the bad side. If having a fire kept you warm in your home every winter, and you lived in Canada, you might think fire is good or even great.

This is based on a sample size of one example for each. Not a strong case, as we’ve explored in a previous post.

If we learned that the house fire allowed the family to build a beautiful new home, their view of fire could be tempered somewhat. If the latter person, who was building the warming fires in winter, burnt their hands frequently in the process, they may be a little less positive about the subject.

Fire isn’t inherently good or bad. It can be good for some people, some of the time, and not so good for others at other times. Labelling it good or bad based on one moment in time, or on one example, doesn’t take into account all of what it has done.

Perceptions are made. Perceptions can change. Perceptions are frequently based on a sample size of one. This can ignore all the good, or the bad, that has come before.

Remember to challenge your perceptions today. When you are on automatic mode, stop and think if what you are thinking or saying is always true. You will find more harmony in your life as you add this into your days ahead.

1+
CategoriesFinancialObserveReframe your thoughts

Money Mindset

It is fascinating to observe how differently people engage with the topic of money. As with most things, it is a learned behaviour, usually from parents, extended family, family friends and primary school.

As with other habits and patterns of thinking, a person, with a little curiosity, an open mind and a growth mindset, can change their views and relationship with money to improve all things money related in their life.

They will, of course, have to do their own pushups on this one. Though there are loads of useful resources to help with a money mindset transformation. T Harv Eker and Jen Sincero have good and enjoyable books on the topic to get people started.

My challenge to you today is to think about your money mantras for a few minutes. Figure out your earliest memory of those mantras, as well as who said them or reinforced them, and then consider how they might just be impacting your life. Hint: It may not be in a good way.

Here are a few common phrases to get you started:

  1. Money is bad (it is not good or bad, it’s just a thing),
  2. Money is the root of all evil (Is it? Or is it just a medium of exchange? Is your paycheck evil? Besides, the phrase is often misquoted from 1Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. – Here it seems to be referring to greed or avarice – one of the seven deadly sins – whereby greed is an intense and selfish desire.
  3. We can’t afford it (Try asking, ‘How could we afford it, or something similar?’ – It’s much more empowering)
  4. Rich people are jerks (or crooks). (Now some may be, and some won’t be. There’s no point being richist. Is your commentary based on a sample size of one? Are you just parroting what the journalist/paper wants you to think?

1+
CategoriesActionGoals, Results & New ThinkingProgress

Puzzled?

If I can’t figure something out, I might say I’m puzzled. This puzzled feeling has a tendency to occur more often when the outcome I want seems either, far away from my reach, quite difficult or very important to me.

The key to unlocking the puzzled feeling is to use the idea of a puzzle ?.

When you look at a puzzle, whether it is a small 10 piece puzzle or a larger 1,000 piece puzzle, how do you start?

Most people start by taking the first step. You wouldn’t think you could solve it in one step, but you could make progress. Take one step. Pick up a piece. Place it somewhere. Group items that seem similar. Turn a piece 90 degrees. Or more. Get it wrong. Get it right. Try other pieces. Put together separate sections as they become more obvious. Add the separate sections to the main puzzle.

It usually takes longer to place each piece at the beginning of the task, but you can often move a little faster as you gather some early wins and get some momentum as you see things starting to come together. Then we tend to reach a tipping point. You can go quicker and quicker because you’ll have seen each piece that remains more than once and also seen the places they could go more than once. Familiarity has a calming effect and helps make quicker decisions.

Then the magic happens as you race through the last pieces with excitement, anticipation and pride of achievement. Seeing it all coming together, you finish it.

Done ✅

This is how you achieve anything that you want to do in life. It’s all the same. Only the (project) names will change.

When puzzled, procrastinating or panicked, use the puzzle process.

1+
CategoriesActionHealth & FitnessObserve

Smiling

Such an easy way to make your day better.

Smiling is great. Especially if you can add a lovely thought to it and it turns into one of those full face, fun smiles. It really lifts the spirits and has such an energising power.

Smiling is a good habit and a skill. Like any habit and skill, you can improve on it with practice. In time, you could conjure up a smile instantaneously. You will also be able to hold it longer than you can now. You should also be able to really feel it and enjoy it. That’s when you can use it to completely change your day. It’s a super power!

Like many super powers, it has the ability to help others. When you smile joyously at another person, you tend to bring them along with you. You can alter the course of someone’s life by simply smiling at them. You can magically bring them hope and joy with just a few captivating seconds.

Smiling is also free to practice and use and has a positive impact on the smiler and smilee. So we should all practice our own little super power daily; for ourselves and for others.

We all have this super power within us, and for some, it is dormant. Wake it up! Shake it up and get using it more!

7.7 billion people smiling throughout the day. The thought of that brings a big, grinny smile to my face.

Go on. Smile! And then share it with someone.

1+
CategoriesObserveReframe your thoughtsThink About It

Aware

I like to think of people as being aware or not aware of something.

When a person is born, they are not aware of much. They then start becoming aware of things such as their senses and information. Given the amount of general and detailed information available to become aware of on earth, people are often unaware of most things (relative to all things).

Becoming aware can be a factor of age, situation, geography or interest, amongst other routes. For example, most people won’t become aware of the idea of 8 x 8 until they are about 7 years old. The majority of people won’t be aware of the daily routine of a type 1 diabetic, unless they become one, or are very close to someone who has. Additionally, if you grew up in England, especially as a fan of football, you would probably be aware of the significance of 1966. If you grew up in Canada, and followed baseball, probably much less so.

Generally speaking you can become aware of anything, either intentionally or not. But with so many millions of pieces of information available to be aware of, and millions more created every day, we should go a little easy on people who are not aware of the things that we are. Just because a person doesn’t know something about a topic dear to you, doesn’t make them wholly uneducated or ignorant. They are simply unaware of that particular thing. 

For today, try not to judge people based on what they are aware of, but rather, kindly and pleasantly, make them aware of the information you feel is important and assess their response to it.

1+
CategoriesActionProgressReframe your thoughts

Positive And Enthusiastic

“Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I have loved this quote since I first read it in my early 20’s.

It really struck me as a great philosophy for life and really aligned with how I tried to be. I think about it frequently and try to live this way daily. Some days to a greater degree than others.

A person could say that life has so many challenges and hardships that it would be hard to be positive and enthusiastic. This would ring true if you looked at life from that perspective. Believing you will encounter countless difficult situations in life, however, is all the more reason to be positive and enthusiastic now.

Reasons to be positive and enthusiastic:

Firstly, to keep your own spirits up in the face of challenges and hardships. Secondly, when you appreciate the trillions to one odds of being born. Thirdly, to be a role model to your children, family and friends. Finally, to help lift people up that are going through tough challenges and hardships at this time.

Imagine a world where most people were trying to become the most positive and enthusiastic person they knew. What might that feel like?

If you would like to be a little more positive and enthusiastic, print out, or write out this quote a few times and put it somewhere you will see it throughout your day. You could place this on your dresser, bathroom mirror, dashboard of the car or on your desk where you work. Hopefully it will make you smile each time you see it or think of it. I certainly do.

Then you just need to practice being positive and enthusiastic. Say and do things that will add positively to your relationships today. Say and do things that demonstrate your enthusiasm for your situation and the people around you. It can be a lot of fun, if you let it.

Enjoy!

1+
CategoriesActionHealth & FitnessThink About ItTimeWeight loss

Weigh Less, With One Simple Step Repeated Each Day

Eat less.

Weight loss, through to better health and fitness, is a series of steps.

Step one is eat less. Once a person has been doing this successfully for a few weeks, they can look into several more advanced steps such as starting to exercise or doing more of it, tracking calories, buying healthier foods and preparing better meals with a better range of nutrients.

Too often people will try to change everything at once. Since these more advanced steps all take up time, require some level of learning and must be integrated into your current lifestyle, it is very difficult to start all of them at one time and do them all on a sustained basis. Usually people haven’t allowed for all the extra time it takes to add these into their life.

Save yourself all that time required to read labels and count calories, read diet, exercise and recipe books or magazines, join groups, get to the gym or exercise more, learn new recipes and shop for new ingredients and foods. Remember, eating less saves you time!

According to media reports, a lack of time is a leading cause of stress and stress eating. So try this simple step that requires no time investment and even saves you time. You even get the results you want – weight loss. You can get toned, improve health and nutrition later in subsequent steps. Remember c.90% of weight loss is reducing your current food intake.

Even if your current diet consisted of eating six chocolate bars and drinking four colas every day, you could lose weight by simply cutting your intake down to four bars and three colas. You would still drop about 1.5 pounds per week. The mathematics support this, as does the science, and eating less worked in my experience years ago when I dropped 20 pounds in 8 weeks, beginning with step one.

Just eat less.

Try it today. Eat one less helping at a meal, drink one less cola, eat half or two thirds of your regular portion at each meal. In a week you’ll be noticing, and enjoying, the difference,

1+
CategoriesObserveProgressReframe your thoughtsThink About It

Judging Me Too

A build on yesterday’s post about judging. The opening line was, “It’s something most people do to others”. I should have added, “and ourselves too.” because we know we are frequently our own harshest critic. We take the worst comments people have said about us and absorb those as reality rather than dismissing them as the outliers that they really are.

Use the bell curve, for all comments, to asses where on that spectrum you might realistically be and hold that as your minimum truth. Your mother might think you are amazing so that is an outlier at the one end of the spectrum and your worst critic might say the harshest things, creating an outlier at the other end of the spectrum. Then most of the other people are generally in the middle. Use their commentary on you: Not the worst critic.

Criticising is similar to assessing, though they tend to be the negative and positive word for the action. Then you judge and lock in a conclusion. So be super careful which area on the spectrum you lock in your own judgement. This is not a time to be self-deprecating or shy or to play down anything. This is you, talking to you, and about to pass judgement on yourself. You’ve heard from the various witnesses and you’ve weighed up their comments, within the context they were given, and now it is your turn to assess whether you lock away your potential for a lifetime sentence or if you can see the greatness in you, beyond a reasonable doubt.

If your past has not been well constructed, in the context of all people that have ever lived (not just the saints), then you can start again with a restart. If it has been fairly normal with a mix of good and less than great, you can make things better from this moment. But give yourself a break today. Judge the Whole You, over your lifetime, and not just a few silly mistakes.

You deserve the best mind coach in the world. Start with the one inside you already.

1+
CategoriesThink About It

Judging

It’s something most people do to others. Though, my hunch is that few of us may like being judged ourselves. This may have more to do with the negative association of judging, that of criminality and being guilty, than actually having someone, “form an opinion or conclusion about” us. (It can be positive, such as in the case of selecting a life partner or date, or noting someone’s positive attributes such as “the most amazing brown eyes”.)

A preferred term for the activity of judging may be assessing. Mainly because it may feel less, well, judgy. However, it does lack the decision or conclusion element which may remove the power behind judging. Assessing seems to indicate you are still working out what to think. Whereas judging seems to have drawn a final conclusion.

So when you hear someone say, “don’t judge me”, or “you have no right to judge me”, it probably tells us more about them (possibly feeling guilty), than anything else. The person may also be demonstrating that they do not fully understand the deep survival mechanism inherent in judging.

As humans, as with probably any living species, we are constantly assessing and evaluating our surroundings for dangers, opportunities, threats and means of survival. This assessing, and then judging, is an in-built, hard wired, millions of years DNA thing. Not something that is easily changed.

Maybe everyone should just learn to get more comfortable with being judged. I’ll start.

If you like what you’ve read, click the ? below.

Go ahead and do the same on my other posts you’ve enjoyed.

2+
CategoriesObserveReframe your thoughtsThink About It

Stories We Tell Ourselves

Stories are often easier to remember than just the facts on their own. Additionally, stories tend to have more depth and nuance than facts, so they tend to invoke specific feelings. Stories can also be embellished, intentionally or unknowingly. With stories, we can highlight different elements depending on our mood, our audience or our intent.

A simple example of this is how you describe the big party you attended Saturday night. It is usually a little differently highlighted when retelling it to your friends rather then your boss or mother-in-law.

Stories are also personal. Those that strike a chord with us are more easily remembered. Given that decisions are based on emotions first, and personal stories are in our lives because they invoke an emotion, we probably allow stories too much influence over many of our own decisions in life.

“I would do that, but I am not smart enough.” “I have always struggled with my weight.” “My mother always said I was like that.” “I won’t go for that promotion because my teacher said I wasn’t very good at public speaking.” “I’m too old.”

These are all examples of the type of stories that hold people back from achieving their personal potential.

However, as with a tv (or website), we can change the channel and thereby the story that it is playing. Although we can choose to stay on this channel, while we believe and live out the current stories we tell ourselves, we can also choose to change the channel and change the stories we tell ourselves. You always have a choice.

Listen closely to those unhelpful stories that swirl in your head and are too readily voiced.

Then, create new, more empowering, and exciting stories for your life. And repeat.

Go on. Change the channel.

3+